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Mirvik (COMMENTS THREAD)


dmronny

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Re: Mirvik (COMMENTS THREAD)

That was actually pretty interesting, even without understanding what exactly was going on. I don't actually follow Stargate or SBS close enough to understand it all perfectly, but I still liked the story. Which is the important part.

You seemed to get a little to wordy when you were writing about how Mirvik developed the virus and employed it. Either that or I read a sentence twice because it's on a computer screen and got lost. Still made sense and all that just seemed a little wordy at that part.
 
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SiphonTalvesh

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Re: Mirvik (COMMENTS THREAD)

It's possible I did use too many words, not really sure without going back to look it all over, but thanks for the input, glad you liked it.


Part 2 is now up, hopefully it's as good as the first one is.

Future parts will have a lot of scene switching for a while as things for the first 'act' of the line really heat up and begin to affect more and more people/worlds. So expect in future parts to see quite a number of different place in a hurry.
 

dmronny

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Re: Mirvik (COMMENTS THREAD)

Well it could just be I was reading it on the computer screen which is hard for me to read off of. Either way the right idea came across, and there's nothing wrong with scene switching I do it myself.

The second part was equally good.
 
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SiphonTalvesh

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Re: Mirvik (COMMENTS THREAD)

Awesome, so far this is going about as well as I'd hoped for.


Part 3 is now up. I will be commencing writing of part 6 tomorrow evening.
 

Copper

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Re: Mirvik (COMMENTS THREAD)

Holy blast from the past, Batman. I was reading through that and seeing Barry...Cat...Zale! Omg! Wow. *laughs* And Ian getting burned. I remember that. *laughs* My Aussie is such a player *shakes head* Look forward to reading more and trying to pick my brain to remember all the charries *laughs*
 
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SiphonTalvesh

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Re: Mirvik (COMMENTS THREAD)

Part 4 is now up. Introducing a new character who will end up being a recurring character. There's also a nasty little surprise at the end which gives some insight as to the situation at hand.
 

Rule 34

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Re: Mirvik (COMMENTS THREAD)

Well, I like that Barry is totally fed up with the constant apocalypses, because that's what I'd make him say as well.

One thing I noticed is that you spell everything out for the readers. Maybe let them come to their own conclusions, or keep the character's plans in the dark for a while.
 
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SiphonTalvesh

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Re: Mirvik (COMMENTS THREAD)

Most of Mirvik's true plans are still very much a mystery. I won't spoil anything here, but suffice it to say that Mirvik won't be going away anytime soon, nor will he be going down easily.


Also Rule, at some point, I'd like to chat with you regarding the old Dividing Line. Had a crazy idea for a crossover but need your input first.
 
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SiphonTalvesh

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Re: Mirvik (COMMENTS THREAD)

Part 5 is now up. Still working on Part 6, it's not an easy part to get started.
 

dmronny

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Re: Mirvik (COMMENTS THREAD)

I usually have trouble getting an part of a story started, but it almost pours out once you get past that initial hiccup.

Meanwhile I'm a little behind having just finished part four, but it's really quite engrossing. Can't wait to see what happens next, so back ot reading.
 
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SiphonTalvesh

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Re: Mirvik (COMMENTS THREAD)

Part 6 is finally up after a lengthy delay. I almost was tempted to name the chapter "The Shit Hits The Fan", but I didn't. Have to save that one lol.


Anyways, part 6 is up, work on Part 7 is commencing, hope to have that done in a week or so. Happy trails!
 
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