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Catch all for my stuffles


Chibichibi

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Again, stuff for my works to be read and reviewed. ^^

Harsh panting could be heard over the burbling of a small stream. Off in the distance a wolf howled and the forest hushed into silence. A bare foot crunched leaves as the owner stood up and peered into the darkness.

Dirty and tangled hair made from tiny beads of ruby framed a face with high cheekbones and brilliant almond shaped emerald eyes. Her lips were rubies and formed a deep scowl. Her pointed ears and boyish frame betrayed her elfin heritage. A dark amethyst bruise on her crystalline flesh and tattered clothes couldn’t diminish the quiet dignity that she pulled around her, like a cloak.

Those grimy and threadbare clothes hung off of her body and waved gently in the breeze. Frowning a little she tugged the shoulder strap of her ragged dress off of her arm and back into it's normal resting position. Sniffing the air and peering through the dense forest around her she took a hesitant step forward. She fell to her knees beside the merrily giggling stream and took a long drink. Her body shuddered like a leaf in a breeze as she gulped the water.

A sharp crack split the air. The elf child stood and whirled around, before laughing with a noise much like the stream behind her. Crooning softly she called to who was hidden in the trees.

A large, impossibly large, white tiger padded in from the gloom and stared at her. His head was a little higher than she was tall and his tail twitched absently. Still laughing, she ran up to him and threw her arms around his furry neck, in a hug.
He nuzzled her cheek and gave its faceted surface a lick, “You’re hurt…” he said in a low rumbling voice.

She smiled and showed off teeth of pearls. “This?” she touched the amethyst bruise with it’s multitude of hairline fractures on her cheek, “It’s nothing. My milky feldspar complexion will be back in a day or two…”

“Not there…” he said, concerned, “Here.” He butted her chest, “The ruby that your life pulses through…”

She shook her head, “Nothing is wrong with my heart stone you silly tiger. I’m fine.” She ran a hand through her beaded ruby hair. “We need to get moving though. The Nostrallan will notice I’ve escaped in the next few hours.”

The huge tiger nodded, “Then get on my back young one and we’ll go home.”
So this is the prologue for a story i wanted to write a loooong time ago. I may decide to pick it up, i dunno.
Blurred Lines

Part 1: Home
Prologue

“It is time.”
Time? Time for what?
“Time for your destiny to be revealed young one.”
My destiny? What is my destiny?
“It is your time.”
My time?
“The time has come for you to awaken unto your birthright and fulfill the task laid upon you by the ancients.”
Birthright? Ancients? What’s going on?
“The time has come when everything you thought you knew turns upside-down and the lines that separate the outside world and the thing you hold dear will become blurred and lost.”
Blurred? Lost?
“The lines which separate your family from the approaching menace will fade.”
Fade?
“You will be the Dark one and will save the world from the Menace of light.”
Light? Menace? What’s going on?
“You will learn, and you will make us proud. Goodbye.”
Bright light, blank, so white. The light, too strong, must flee to the dark; it’s the only safe place. It’s the only way.

Miles away another’s sleep was being disturbed.

“The time has come young one.”
I know.
“Then you know what we expect?”
Yes. I know that you need me to destroy the darkness.
“Very good. The Dark is your enemy and she is awakening to her power.”
Then I will destroy her. She will not live for too much longer.
“We approve of that decision.”
Thank you.
“How will you beat back the Dark?”
I will be the Light and make her powers smaller and smaller until she disappears. Then I will denounce the Dark and make their evilness known.
“We are proud. You serve your ancestors well.”
I will make them even prouder once I destroy the evilness of the Dark. She will die, and her family and circle with her. Nothing will stand in my way.
There was no sound, but the satisfaction was palpable.
And this is... well i have no idea what this was supposed to be xD
“What is this?” A large, burly man asked his wiry companion.

“I don’t know, Neil.” The wiry man replied turning over the strange object in his hands.

“Danny,” Neil said looking at the crystal in his companion’s hand, “that thing is dangerous. Maybe we shouldn’t mess with it.”

“Keep your knickers on Neil.” Danny said turning over his prize. “This darling’s gonna make us rich.”

Neil shuffled his feet on the dank floor of the cave. “I really think that we should put it back.” His voice echoed slightly off of the walls.

“Are you afraid of this little babe?” Danny asked, smiling.

“Not exactly.” Neil muttered.

“Then what are we waiting for?” Danny laughed, “Let’s get out of this Hell hole.”

“Dammit Danny!” Neil smashed a fist into the side of the cave, “We don’t know what that thing is capable of!”

“Listen to me Neil,” the flame headed man said in a quiet voice, “Do you want your wife and children to starve? Do you want my family to starve too? Do you want our entire village to starve?!”

This was written with a classmate for an assignment my first english college class. See if you can tell where i picked it up xD
Crimson

The dark alleyway crowded the young man as he crouched in the shadows behind a dumpster, shaking and trembling. He was claustrophobic, and that most certainly was not helping him here. He breathed heavily and shakily, wringing his clammy hands and then wiping them on his jeans, which were torn at the knee. He winced as his knee moved slightly, the hole in his jeans revealing a wound oozing blood. He pulled the remains of a piece of tissue from his pocket and dabbed at it, trying to clean it up. He had managed to elude his pursuers for the moment, but had tripped over the curb as he ran into the alley. He knew he was fast enough to outrun his pursuers, and so he had. But here he sat, waiting for some sign that it was safe. He was unsure of exactly what to do. He rubbed his head. Maybe he could go to the police? But was that the best thing to do, really? No matter what he did, they would follow him. He would never be safe again, he knew, even if they were “all” arrested.
“Hey kid. Your knee ok?”
The boy’s heart nearly jumped out of his throat, and he looked up slowly to discover a burly man wearing a black and red suit staring down at him. The man coughed hoarsely and cleared his throat.
Smiling broadly, he said, “You’ve had your fun, kid. Time to go.”
As the man reached into his jacket pocket, the young man realized his mistake. The big man had seen the blood from his tumble over the curb, and had clearly followed him. But he had not even heard the sound of the man’s footsteps. And suddenly, he was looking into the cold steel barrel of a revolver.

Detective Rennac was sitting behind his desk, puffing on his pipe. He had his feet propped up on the desk, assuming the usual position. But his thoughts were interrupted as his office door slammed open, and Senior Detective Rogers stormed in.
“Rennac, what the hell are you doing? I swear, you damn rookies get here and you think it’s gonna be like some kind of Sherlock Holmes novel.”
Rennac stood up hastily and grinned sheepishly. Senior Detective Rogers was not only moody, but constantly on the rampage. To be honest he was getting rather senile. But he was a good detective, and Rennac knew he was lucky to have someone of that skill as his mentor.
“We’ve got an assignment, Rennac. A body’s been found in an alleyway between Hill and North Farsely. They’ve already cleaned up most of the mess, but they want us to follow up on this one. Seems like this one’s odd.”
Rennac nodded and grabbed his coat. These sorts of cases popped up all the time in this city, but they had never asked them to follow up on such a case. They were generally had too few or too many leads to try to follow.
Rennac found out just why it was such an odd case when they arrived at the crime scene. A large man had been beaten down in the alleyway. But, judging by his size and attire, it looked like the man had been out of place. It was puzzling. He was dressed in a fairly nice suit, which was crimson. The man was covered in large bruises and whelts. The crime scene investigation group later told Rennac and Rogers that they believed cause of death was the puncturing of both lungs, because the victim had several broken ribs.
“So, any ideas as to what happened to him?” asked Rogers.
One of the crime scene investigators looked at him grimly.
“It seems he was beaten by hand. There was nothing to indicate that any weapon of any sort was used, not even brass knuckles.”
Rennac shivered. Anyone who could beat such a man simply with his fists was someone to be respected, or in this case, feared. Rennac had been trained in jiujutsu, but he didn’t think even he could handle such an opponent.
“Although it’s true he was beaten, we searched the body, and he also had a gun on him.”
Rogers nodded.
“I’m sure that’s part of the reason we were called,” he said, looking oddly troubled.
Rogers gestured to Rennac to walk with him.
“You notice it?”
Rennac nodded. “The insignia, right? The Crimson Blood.”
“Yeah. What’s a guy like that doing out on the streets?”
“I don’t know. But maybe that’s where we should start.”
The Crimson Blood, well known as the “Red Light Company” was a mafia of sorts. They owned several strip bars and casinos in the city, and they were associated with a lot of shady business. Only those in the police force and investigative bureaus referred to them as the Crimson Blood. There had been several murders and other problems linked to them, but no real connections could be made. They were very good at what they did, to say the least. But, this case could give them an opportunity to possibly bring some of their deeds to light, as well as figure out just exactly what was going on. However, Rennac hadn’t quite picked up on this idea.
He was lost in his thoughts when someone ran into him, nearly knocking him down.
“Are you police officers?”
“Yeah. Is there a problem?” Rennac replied.
The boy, who looked around 18, had a look on his face that clearly showed something had just happened to him. Rennac noticed there was blood on his jeans, and the kid was breathing heavily, as if he’d been running.
“There was a crime scene here, right?”
“Yeah, there was. Do you know something about it?” asked Rogers.
“I was part of it.”
Rogers and Rennac listened to the kid’s story. He had been involved with the Red Light Company, and it seemed he had stolen something important to them. The man in the alleyway had been chasing him, and had the boy at gunpoint when something, or someone, barreled into him. The boy had seen his opportunity and ran, and had seen nothing else.
“So that’s all, huh? You do realize, we’re gonna have to take you into custody for now.”
The boy nodded grimly. “I should be safe there, so it’s alright.”
They headed back to the station, and left Darell, the young man, there. They then left for their next destination, The Red Light Company’s main office. It seemed they would have to confront Boss Gamario, the head of the company.
They arrived in what was known as the Red Light District, which consisted of several major casinos, a strip bar, and even a cinema, all owned by the Red Light Company. Although Boss Gamario’s company had come to be known as the Crimson Blood, they were mostly interested in money. But to what means they went to get that money, was how they had earned their title. Rennac and Rogers, riding in Rennac’s car, managed to find a parking spot in front of the Red Light Company’s main executive building. They walked through the double doors, and to the reception desk. The secretary looked at them uninterestedly.
“Can I help you?”
“Rogers, NYPD. We’re here to talk to Mr. Gamario.”
“I’ll buzz him for you. Please sit down.”
The secretary walked in the back. In dealings with police matters, the policy was to keep the police’s noses out of their business. She picked up the phone, hit the extension for Executive Gamario’s office, and waited. He picked up.
“What is it, Sally?”
“Mr. Gamario, the police are here.”
“Again? Honestly, I don’t know why they waste their time, if they don’t have a warrant.
Silence.
“They don’t have a warrant, do they?”
“I don’t think so, sir. They seem to have other business. “
“Send them up.”
“Yes sir.”
The secretary returned outside, and motioned for them to step into the elevator at the right side of the room. A couple of minutes later, they were in Gamario’s office, on the top floor. Gamario was sitting in his desk, looking at them rather inquisitively.
“Can I help you, officers?”
Rogers looked at him rather sternly.
“Mr. Gamario, we found one of your workers dead this morning, in an alleyway between Hill and North Farsely. We also have a witness that says your man was trying to kill him. It’s unsure so far as to exactly what happened, but we believe that an outside force may have killed your worker, who was in fact trying to kill the witness in question.
Gamario instantly looked much more nervous, but did not lose his composure.
“I had heard that Gerald had been killed, but I had received no reports from the police or any other source as exactly how he died. I honestly have no idea why one of my employees would be trying to kill anyone. As for the outside force that killed him, I have heard that our rival, Fun and Entertainment incorporated, is host to a load of notorious dealings.”
“Somehow I doubt that, Gamario, but we’ll keep that in mind. We’ll probably be be seeing you very soon, so keep your schedule open.” Rennac said, smiling brightly. He nodded at Rogers, and they left for the hallway, leaving Gamario shaking his head.
And so they left the main office building, with no real advances. Rogers looked over at Rennac, thinking.
“Maybe we should question that kid a little further. I think he’s our only lead right now.”
Rennac nodded.
When they reached the station, everything was in chaos. Another officer ran up to Rennac and Rogers.
“Sir, we’ve lost the witness from the scene earlier this morning. Someone came into the police station, disarmed and knocked out several officers, and took the kid with them. Had we been prepared, we might have been able to stop him, but no normal person just walks into a police station and kidnaps a witness.”
“Did you get a look at him?” Rennac asked.
“No sir. He was wearing a hood, but he was fairly tall and of average build. He was ridiculously fast, though. He left on foot, and there are already several police officers tailing him.”
Rogers nodded, and he and Rennac ran outside. Rennac looked to the left and right trying to find any kind of clue as to where the assailant might have gone. His walkie-talkie squawked and he heard an officer say, “Suspect is southbound on Main Street. He is highly dangerous and has shot at the officers tailing him. We’re requesting backup.”
Rogers pressed the button on his own walkie-talkie, “Ten-four. We’re on our way.”

The boy opened his eyes and thought to himself, ‘Where am I?’ Then reality hit him with a lurch. He moaned lightly and realized that he was flung over the shoulder of a very tall man.
“Well, looks like you’re awake now, Darell.” The man’s voice was low and gravelly.
Darell trembled a little. “How do you know my name?” He asked, sounding braver than he felt.
“I know a lot of things about you boy. Especially, what you said about the boss.” The man chuckled evilly. He flung the kid onto a small couch.
Darell’s vision swam before him, and he tried desperately to keep his dinner in his stomach. He tried to focus on the room around him and then passed out once again.
He awoke sometime later when a boot kicked him in the gut. He curled into the fetal position and began to throw up what was left of his meager dinner.
“Are you going to tell us what happened?” A low and sultry female voice reached his ears. He gasped pitifully and began to cry.
The woman, whom Darrel could not see from his current position, sighed and said, “Kick him again; and don’t stop until he tells us something useful.”
“I don’t know anything.” He sobbed. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to steal anything from Gamario! I swear, just leave me alone…”
The woman paused at the door and said in a delighted voice, “But my dear boy, we are not from Gamario. We are the ones that killed his henchman. What did you steal and where is it now?”
“I…stole…a…” The boy was trembling and gasping for breath.
“Yes?” The woman asked eagerly.
“A…”
“Nobody move!!!” The S.W.A.T team burst in through the door and trained their guns on the lady and the tall man in the room.
The Lady looked startled and then disappointed. “How did you get past all of the guards?” She asked.
Rennac smiled as he stepped in the door and glanced at the richly dressed blonde woman. “Tear gas does wonders. They didn’t want to play any more.”
“You son of a bitch.” She snarled at Rennac.
“Arrest them. We heard it all from outside the door. You’re being charged with murder, aggravated assault, and anything else we can find.” Rogers said as he too stepped into the room.
Darell smiled as he watched the lady and the tall man arrested. Then his vision swam and his body lurched as Detective Rennac picked him up. “Take him to the emergency room.” Was the last thing that Darell heard before he passed out again.

Rennac watched as the boy stirred on the hospital bed. He idly toyed with the small book in his hand, not wanting to open it until Darell awoke.
Darell slowly opened his eyes and coughed a little. His eyes focused on the Detective. “What do you want?” He asked weakly.
Rennac held up the small book. “I want you to tell me what this is.”
Darell’s eyes widened in panic “That’s what I stole, but…” he stopped.
“Tell me what is in this book, or I’ll read it myself.” Rennac threatened.
Darell didn’t move.
Rennac opened the book and stared for a minute, and then he let out a whoop of excitement. “Darell, this little book is going to put Gamario away for the rest of his life. Who knew Crime Lords kept diaries?”

Gamario shuffled around his office and sighed when he heard the knock on the door. “Come in” He sighed listlessly.
“Mr. Gamario you are under arrest for embezzling, three counts of murder, two counts of arson, racketeering, eight counts of aggravated assault, blackmail, and prostitution.” Rogers handcuffed Gamario, who went quietly, and led him outside to the police car.

Darell shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. The trials were over, everything was done, and he still didn’t have a place to live. ‘What a wonderful world this is.’ He thought sarcastically. He heard footsteps crunching in the snow behind him. “What do you want?” he asked acidly.
“I just wanted to see how you were doing.” Rennac patted Darell’s shoulder. “I wanted to know if you have found a place to live yet.”
“No.” Darell said shortly. “I would appreciate it if you stopped bugging me.”
Rennac chuckled and said, “My parents died and left me a large estate and tons of money and well, I don’t know about you but I think big houses like this are too big for one person.” He pulled out a picture and showed it to Darell. “I never had any siblings growing up and I think you’d make the perfect little brother.”
Darell gaped at the picture. “Little brother?”
“Yup and you can go to any college of your choice sport. Whaddya say?”
Darell smiled, “As long as you never call me sport ever again.”
Detective Rennac laughed.
 
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Chibichibi

Chibichibi

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Re: Catch all for my stuffles: (Crystalline Up)

“The beginning is a little vague. I remember I was a slave. And that the children were quiet and hid as I strolled through the town to the hut of the elders. The children were dull. Brown haired and dark skinned. A striking contrast to my own red hair and fair skin.

“I smiled at them as I passed, I felt like a rose in the middle of a tangle of weeds.

“Though, the adults were around, and though the heat was stifling I pulled the hood of my cloak back over my head. My pointed ears would have gotten me killed.

“I walked to the door of the elder’s home and the guards crossed their spears in front of me. I showed them my pointed canines in a terrifying grin… and the let me pass into the hut.

“After passing into a shadowed room… I stopped. ‘I can sense you…’ I said to the presence in the room.

“The old human stepped from the shadows, I don’t remember much of his looks now… but he was so very old, and… anyway, he asked me what I wanted, and I told him I wanted a bargain.

“He laughed at me and said, ‘Do you know what you want?’

“‘The release of my race.’ I replied to him. He seemed startled, and then a sad smile crept over his face as he asked me if I knew the price. I nodded, and he sighed and tugged me into another room, with a table and leather straps with buckles on them. I lay on the table, and he tied me down. I winced when he tugged a little too hard.

“‘Are you alright?’ he asked me, and I had to chuckle, ‘Compassion Delmar? Especially now?’ He frowned at me and told me that not all humans are animals, as he checked the straps. ‘Are you ready?’ He asked me. I nodded. And I never felt the knife.

“Afterwards I floated, disconnected, searching for a body to reshape as my own. After… I don’t know how long, I found it, and I seized it.

“And that’s how I came to be here.” The green eyed elfin woman concluded. She looked around the table at her watchers and chuckled, “You don’t believe me. Understandable.”

A young woman with blonde hair, golden eyes, and tan skin chewed her lip a moment. “It is hard to believe.” She said finally.

“Yet here you are…” a man with dun hair, wrinkled skin, and orange eyes said, “You are neither human, nor Were like us.” He sighed, “So we have no choice, but to believe you… for now.”

Another man stood up, slamming his hands in the table, “What it it’s a human trick!?” The russet haired man said angrily, his blue eyes flashing. “We should kill her, that way we can be sure.”
Yay a second post so i don't have to keep piling on the first one xD


The Journey of a Slave
Fixed Version:

A woman in a pinstripe pant-suit fixates on one small girl in a bright yellow sun dress. She smiles at the ten year old that has come to stand on the sidewalk in front of her. The child twists her head from side to side peering in all directions, then shuffling her tiny feet she approaches the older woman.

“Where’s my mama?” The child’s voice is soft and confused, and she tilts her head to the side causing her shoulder length blonde hair to fall into disarray. The strap of her plastic pink book bag is perched on her shoulder and she shifts, adjusting the weight of books inside it.

The woman is now showing teeth, “Your mommy got hurt, and she asked me to give you this.” The woman hands the little girl a note which has the mother’s signature on it. “She asked me to come and pick you up.”

The girl looks at the powder blue van, at the crisp white note in her hand, and then back at the woman in the suit. She skips to the van, her white sneakers scuffing the concrete sidewalk. The woman, still smiling, follows close behind.

“Would you like a bottle of water?” The woman asks once they are seated in the van. The little girl nods and the woman reaches into a cooler on the passenger seat. The little girl buckles her seatbelt, takes the unsealed bottle of water, and swallows it all. After a few minutes the little girl’s eyes droop and she yawns. Snuggling up to her book bag against the window, she soon falls asleep.

***

The child awakens surrounded by other girls, some older and some younger, in a small room with whitewashed walls and a dingy wooden floor. A single dim light bulb burns overhead providing the only source of light. Yawning, she looks around at the others and then around at the room. There are pillows everywhere and some of the girls are sleeping even though there are no beds. “Where are we?” she asks, her voice quavering. “Why am I not home?”

One of the older girls sniffs, turning her bloodshot eyes on the newcomer, “We’re slaves.”

The young girl blinks and stops crying for a moment, “Slaves? Like what happened to black people a long time ago?”

The older girl sighs, “Kind of. We’re slaves for…” she hesitates and swallows. A few moments drag on before the older girl finishes her statement, “Sex.”

“Sex?” the child questions, “Like what mommies and daddies do?”
The older girl nods.

“But I’m not a mommy. I can’t do that!” the small child’s voice hovers near a shriek as she pulls the note out of her pocket and crushes it.

The older girl lets out a harsh laugh. “They make you.”

The young girl sobs. She huddles against a wall as best she can, and falls into a fitful sleep.

***

The light bulb begins to flicker as footsteps approach. Two men come into the room. They are both clean-shaven with brown hair and are wearing blue jeans and white t-shirts.

The shorter one points at the little girl, “I want the blonde one. She’s new isn’t she?”

The taller man nods and comes into the room, snatching her up by the arm and taking her away to another dirty room.

The tall man throws her onto the bed and leaves her with the short one, who sits down beside her and hugs her as he rubs her back.

“Now darling, it’s okay, I’m going to make you feel good.” He says and he reaches a hand up the girl’s dress.

***

Three years later, the child still sobs on the hard and dirty wooden floor. She has dark circles under her bloodshot eyes. She notices the house is quiet, and the other girls are asleep. The single light doesn‘t flicker and the door is open. She tiptoes to the door and then she sprints for the outdoors. The frozen dirt is cold underneath her feet and the snow laden trees blur past her. She clenches her fists as the cold wind rips at her ratty t-shirt and shorts. After running as far as her body will take her, she huddles on the frost covered sidewalk and waits. It doesn‘t take too long before a police officer spots her.

***

The girl, now a young woman, stands in front of her old school. She shifts her pink plastic book bag and takes a hesitant step forward. Taking a deep breath she smiles before continuing her trek toward the open doors.
This tale begins with Adam’s loss
And follows till today
A tale of woe and misery
That men did not delay.

A battle here has long been won
Though some still cry in pain.
The bones that now lie everywhere
Form an atrocious chain.

Those still living flee in fear from
The shadows overhead.
These nighthawks kill with unbound glee
Filling bare hearts with dread.

The heroes of this vicious war
In ashes though they lie
Will always be known as martyrs
To those that go to die.

A tale of courage lost and gained
Their story will be told
But only after they are dead
And lying deep and cold.

These martyrs died for causes that
They understood were just.
But they never spoke to victims
Who lie rotting in dust.

The victims too, believed that they
Battled for what was right,
And now the corpses of them both
Lay wrapped in fetid night.
This tale begins with Adam’s loss
And follows till today
A tale of woe and misery
That men did not delay.

A battle here has long been won
Though some still cry in pain.
The bones that now lie everywhere
Form an atrocious chain.

Those still living flee in fear from
The shadows overhead.
These nighthawks kill with unbound glee
Filling bare hearts with dread.

The heroes of this vicious war
In ashes though they lie
Will always be known as martyrs
To those that go to die.

A tale of courage lost and gained
Their story will be told
But only after they are dead
And lying deep and cold.

These martyrs died for causes that
They understood were just.
But they never spoke to victims
Who lie rotting in dust.

The victims too, believed that they
Battled for what was right,
And now the corpses of them both
Lay wrapped in fetid night.
 
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Chibichibi

Chibichibi

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Messages
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Re: Catch all for my stuffles: (Crystalline Up)

so here's the first part of my first chapter, it's all you get unfortunately lol... whatchu guys think?

The snow sparkled in the early morning light causing the city sized grounds of The Collegium for Magical and Mundane studies to look like a set for an illusion show. The snow had fallen the day before and had gotten the chance to refreeze on the surface, as the lone figure emerging from a small cottage soon found out.

Judith crunched through the snow on her way to class, her movements slow. The lizardfolk’s bright blue hair was pushed up under a hat with a fuzzy ball on the top and ear flaps on the side and the rest of the outfit matched with the theme, like she was planning a winter expedition to the poles, snowshoes and all. A slight shimmer to the air around her body gave away that her clothes had been outfitted with a special spell from a firemage with the promise that her outfit would stay warm all day. Even as the wind bit into her black scaled face, she didn’t shiver, she couldn’t. But the wind started to chill her reptilian blood and she slowed down. Not only that, but her tail bindings had come loose and now the blue scaled last foot of her tail was dragging through the snow.

Suddenly there was a slithering sound, a hand on her back, and a voice in her ear, “You silly skink, you know you’re cold blooded, what on earth possessed you to come out by yourself.”

“Shush, Ezekiel,” she said slowly, “I don’t need your help… stupid Nagas and their stupid warm bloodedness.” She muttered.

“Oh love, don’t be like that.” He said kissing her cheek, “Let me help you to class alright?”

She turned, staring into his golden viper eyes through her own glassy blue ones, “I can make it!” she protested, “I’m fine!”

“Alright…” he said softly and pulled away from her, the only hint of his annoyance was a short rattle from his tail. She took two steps before faceblatting into the snow.

“Okay…” she mumbled around the snow, “I think I may need a little help…”

Ezekiel grinned, his sharp teeth flashing in the reflected light as he lowered his jacketed human upper body to the snow and scooped up the sluggish lizardfolk, bridal style.

Judith started to struggle, “Put me down you overgrown snake!” she said as she tried to wiggle loose, her tail twitching beneath her in the snow. “I’m not an invalid!”

He started at her, and then started to laugh. It started as a low chuckle deep in his chest but soon he was holding back tears of mirth.

Judith blinked, and then pouted, her mostly human face taking on a decidedly offended look, “You don’t have to laugh at me… it’s not that funny.” When he didn’t stop laughing she weakly punched him in the arm. “What are you laughing at?”

“You,” he said honestly, “At how absolutely adorable you are.”

She blinked and then settled down crossing her arms childishly, “Fine. Carry me to class if you want.”

He thought for a moment, debating on whether to drop her into the snow, before hefting her to distribute the weight a little more, and then slithered onward.

A short five minute trip brought her to the gate of the elemental practice arena and he set her down, “I have to get to Racial History, I’ll meet you at home after classes today and we’ll see what we can do about keeping you warmer.”

She nodded, “Thanks love. Bye!” She smiled and turned, stepping through the doorway into the elementally heated building, feeling the heat wash over her body. After shedding her over clothes she carefully placed them in her cubbyhole, and made her way into the arena where the professor was just about to begin the lesson.

He glared at her, “Please try to be more punctual next time.” The dappled centaur’s back left hoof clattered loudly on the stone floor, “You will be marked absent next time you’re late, and I’m trying to keep you alive by keeping you on time.” The Professor was a stern man, concerned only with his teaching, and his ability to make students squirm.

She rolled her eyes and sighed, taking a seat on the floor next to a grinning human with black hair, “He tells you that every time.” The human said quietly, “I think he’s sweet on you.”

She blinked at him, “Chael, he’s older than my mother, and besides I think he would prefer you a little more.” She said with a sly grin.

Chael’s eyes opened wide and he struggled to hold in this laughter, “Professor Nathan? Sweet on men? I think you’re only seeing what you …”

She shook her head and interrupted him, “I see what I see…” she started to say before the Grey haired professor sent a glare their way and began the lesson. She sighed and faithfully started to jot down notes, hoping that today they might start on practical application.

Professor Nathan droned on for an hour before he suddenly stopped and clapped his hands once, “Alright class,” he said, his voice gruff, “I want you to practice summoning your elemental to you today. Anyone what can successfully do it, gets extra credit.” He had a smug grin on his face and the class groaned.

“The old coot…” Chael muttered, “He knows none of us are ready to do that yet.”

Judith grinned wickedly, “I could summon one before I was sent here…” she murmured.

“Seriously?” Chael murmured back, “Oh won’t he be in for a surprise.”

Judith chuckled, “What’s your element Chael?”

“Water.” He responded in a puzzled voice.

“Good, so is mine. Now what he hasn’t told the class is that there is a specific feel to the different elements. For us it’s easy. You just reach for everything that personifies water. Put yourself in a stream, and let the water flow through your mind.” She grinned, “Only another person attuned to water would understand that.”

Chael nodded, “I think I get it…”

Judith grinned wider, “Perfect. Now let’s head over to the pool.”

They stood and moved over to the small square pool used for summoning and Judith reached. There was a small rushing feeling, the surface of the pool roiled as if it was boiling, and then the undine rose from the waters. She was painfully naked and Chael blushed to the roots of his hair.

:: You called, little sister?:: The undine said, blinking her featureless eyes, and holding out a watery hand.

“Just teaching a friend how to summon.” She said. “This is his first time, so be gentle.”

The undine blinked again, and then let out a naughty giggle, ::Then I will rejoin with the water, and listen for his call.:: And she sank into the water.

Chael blinked, and then turned to Judith, “Why didn’t you tell me she was naked?” He asked in a strangled voice.

“I thought you knew.” Judith said innocently. “Why, surely you’re not a virgin anymore little Chael?” She teased.

He ignored her question and plowed onward. “I knew they looked like beautiful women, but that was… beyond what I expected.” He shook his head, “Alright, reaching time, let me…” He closed his eyes, and immediately started to perspire. The class crowded around, and the professor clip clopped over. After a tense wait the surface roiled again, and the undine rose from the water.

::Little brother,:: she said to him, ::It is easier to concentrate when you do not think of the form I assume.:: she giggled and then sank below again.

He blushed again, as the class surrounded them and applauded. Chael took one step forward, grinned, and then collapsed from exhaustion.

Professor Nathan let out a snort, “Alright you two. Who taught you how to do that?”

Judith put on her most winsome smile, “My father taught me how to.”
“And Judith just taught me.” Chael said with an abashed expression from the floor.

The centaur professor glowered, “You get the extra credit, now, class dismissed.” Then he turned around and clopped out of the arena.

Judith held out a clawed hand to Chael, “Come on, let’s go get some brunch or something, the first time is always the hardest.”
He reached up and she hauled him to his feet.

“So what do you want for brunch?” She said stuffing her shoulder length hair back under her puffy hat.

“I dunno.” He said with some amusement as she continued to dress, “Something hot preferably.”

“Oh yes, and in a warm area.” Her voice was now muffled by a scarf.

He grinned again, “Let’s go try one of those famous pasta dishes the other students are raving about. I heard they’re importing them all the way from the Felitaur kingdom.”

“Oooh, really?” she crooned. “Do you mind if I invite Melinda along? I’m sure she wants to be able to taste something from home for a change.”

Chael shrugged, “Just tell her to meet us there. I’m starving after that, even after the huge breakfast I ate.” He winked. “Downy water strider eggs.”

“Oh you liar.” She scoffed, “Those are too expensive for us poor Collegium students.”

“May my balls fall off if I am.” He chuckled, “My parents came into the city last night,” he said as they cut a diagonal across the grounds, “They keep thinking they can buy my love back with expensive foods. I just take the food and shove them out the door.”

“Aren’t they paying for you to be here?” she said curiously, while she sent out a message to Melinda to hurry to the student restaurant.

“Yeah, but they still pay, and still bring me food even though I’ve told them many times I can take care of myself.” He shrugged, “I’ll deal with it.”
 
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Chibichibi

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Re: Catch all for my stuffles: (Crystalline Up)

reserve a fourth
 
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Re: Catch all for my stuffles: (Crystalline Up)

aaaand, a fifth
 

Hopeyouguess62

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Re: Catch all for my stuffles: (Crystalline Up)

Concerning Crystalline:

I didn't know upon my initial or secondary reading of this blurb that you were actually talking about a crystalline being. I assumed you were being entirely too metaphorical, especially as you called her an elf and not a "crystal-person" or some such. I've now been made aware and confirmed with you that she is, indeed, composed partly or entirely of crystals, which I'm afraid raises more questions than it answers. Of course this is starting and ending in the middle of what I assume will be a much larger work, and you might consider more thoroughly exploring and explaining the origin or at least workings of such a creature.
Be that is it may, I have a few questions for you to consider if you haven't already. First, how does this woman work? A being actually comprised mostly of crystal would make quite a bit of noise while moving. Second, how does she bruise? Third, does she really require water to survive? What pumps through her heart stone to make it so important? How does a crystal girl run a crystal hand through crystal hair? (I really can't picture this.)
These are questions you might want to answer at some point early in the larger work. Other minor points to think about include your use of metaphors and similes. You use them a lot. I'd say a little too much, sometimes. Another minor point; you have her drink water. Does she actually put her face to the water or use one hand or both hands?
You've probably already thought of answers to all of these, but I can't get in your head or scan behind or ahead of what you've got here, so as a reader these are the things that prevent me from immersion so far. Then again I'm just one guy and I can be a little slow at times.
EDIT: Despite my problems picturing the crystalline character, I do like this sample and style of writing. It's still highly visual and I think you have a good feel for conveying the picture in your head. Very well done, overall.

The second piece seems like you have some excellent ideas, but I have trouble reading it. Does the protagonist know Delmar or not? Another suggestion: you might consider slight variations in spelling and whatnot to show the variances of accent these people have. I doubt such a diverse set of peoples talk the queen's english.
Mostly it's hard for me to piece together what's going on in this remembrance without having a context to put it in. Someone in the position of the protagonist would normally be a bit shook up; telling a story to people who think you're a liar is a very hard thing to do. I don't know why she'd be so confident or nonchalant about it, or maybe it's a bitter chuckle?
Anyway, seems like you've got some great ideas here. Give me MOAR. :-D
 
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Re: Catch all for my stuffles: (Crystalline Up)

Crystalline elves: Skin, Feldspar.
Muscles: Ruby.
Bones: quartz.
Lungs: sodalite.
Liver: Barite.
Small/large intestines: rose quartz.
Kidney: Barite.
Pancreas: legrandite.
Stomach: apatite.
Gallbladder: Epidote.
Bladder: Legrandite.
Brains: Precious Opal.
Blood: liquid cinnabar.
Spleen: Barite.
Lymph nodes/system: brochanite.



And They weren't Crystals before. I just made that up when i edited. xD

>.> Does this help hope?
 
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Re: Catch all for my stuffles: (Crystalline Up)

more stuff up, comments please.
 

Hopeyouguess62

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Re: Catch all for my stuffles: (Crystalline Up)

Blurred Lines: It seems like you've got a rather large idea bustling in your head with this prologue, but at the same time it seems a bit rushed and sparse for the initial "choosing of champions," so to speak. It seems like a dream-like sequence, but there doesn't seem to be enough flow-of-consciousness thinking. I don't think it works by itself... I need to see something of the events instead of overhearing a dialogue. Dialogue works in a script because you can see the actors with their actions. It doesn't work so well on paper, though.

No Idea What It's Supposed To Be: I like the sentence structure variety but once again, I've got too much dialogue and not enough action. I need MOAR.

Crimson: You tie up way too many ends for a detective story, and things are moving here at far too fast a pace. I can't wrap my head around a detective wanting to adopt a kid he just met, and while the plot is somewhat thought out and keeps one entertained, again it's too much dialogue, not enough action. You're not taking enough time for me to be in suspense, and I'm not seeing any of the thought process that detectives have to use in their line of work. Generally speaking there's usually a lot of desk time involved, too, even in a case like this one. Look at the movie "Se7en," "Psycho," or maybe even "Silence of the Lambs." Open and shut cases like this one almost never happen, and when they do it's more thanks to research and study than just happening to be in the right place at the right time.


Overall I think you have a good writing style, and it seems like you have solid visualization techniques which assist in your writing. The main trouble you seem to have it putting that wonderful vision onto the page and taking your time developing it. But keep writing and keep writing and keep writing. You've got a good foundation that will age like wine, getting better with time.
 
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Re: Catch all for my stuffles: (Crystalline Up)

child rape story up >.<
 
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Re: Catch all for my stuffles

*prods back to top*
 
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Re: Catch all for my stuffles

D: Come ON people.
 

Diagasvesle

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Re: Catch all for my stuffles

Wow. First time seeing this. I don't explore the blank page too much. I am lazy :rolleyes:
Anyway the child rape story confuses me. The girl goes back to her elementary school after three years? What's her age? Because I am thinking 3-5 years of age.
Crystalline elves, must suck to be them. After all, how would they reproduce, have sex or any of the other mating pleasures? But they can enjoy eternal romance without the sex which either sours or brightens the relationship..... MMmmmMMmmm, eternal romance. *Drools*
 
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Re: Catch all for my stuffles

She's ten. And in that school, it's like my old private school. Everyone is shoved together.

What about the other stuff?
 

Diagasvesle

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Re: Catch all for my stuffles

*Competely ignores the other stuff on the account of that there is no reason for me to read other then if you want my opinion on your stuff.*

Are crystalline elves in your rp?
 
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Re: Catch all for my stuffles

*Competely ignores the other stuff on the account of that there is no reason for me to read other then if you want my opinion on your stuff.*

Are crystalline elves in your rp?
No. They are not Rude Person.
 

Diagasvesle

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Re: Catch all for my stuffles

Sorry if I sound rude. The point is that I don't necessarily read everything, that someone posts. Length of post ahem. Also your stories confuse me, I am sadly use to a structured story.

Crystalline Elves in a RP.
Racial advantages:
Long Live. (Can live up to a thousand.)
Crystal skin. (DR is increased by 20% while naked. Can be enhanced by magic.)
Doesn't need to breathe.
Can use entire body as weapon.

Racial Disadvantages:
Body is precious. (Anything that lusts for the elf in sexual manner gains nothing. Anything that lusts for the elf in a greed manner gains advantage of +2 to all rolls.)
Easily controlled by magic.
Can't Use magic.
 
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Re: Catch all for my stuffles

But that's not the way my RPs run... DR? What's that?

And what do you mean by structured =/ They're all bits of stories, with the exception of my poems, and the child rape story (which was written for a class). The one on the third post was written as the beginning of my book.
 

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Re: Catch all for my stuffles

:( DR = Damage resistance. Fallout has it, and it looked good.

Where does the story about the naga one take place? What's the name of the beginning? Will you continue it?
 
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Re: Catch all for my stuffles

:( DR = Damage resistance. Fallout has it, and it looked good.

Where does the story about the naga one take place? What's the name of the beginning? Will you continue it?
Um... only one Character is a Naga. It's based in the universe of my RP. That's what i based my RP on, this book. I don't have a name for chapter one. And yes. I will finish this book if it's the last thing I do.
 
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