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Goldstein's Book


Goldstein

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So, uh, while I was gone I wrote my first fan fiction... I intend to write more, eventually, but for now this is it. Please critique my writing and especially my characterization, assuming you've played Mass Effect.

'Musing' -Mass Effect (II) -Garrus/Fem!Shep/Tali

The three of them were laying on the bed, Shepard wonderfully squished between the other two. A slight sheen of sweat joined the various other fluids on their bodies, dim light glinting softly. Garrus was playing idly with her breast, toying with her nipple. Not that she could blame him, when she was doing the same to Tali's breast, on her right.

"Do either of you," Shepard paused, collecting her thoughts, "ever think about this?"

"Yes," Tali replied, "I've been thinking about it for the past month, Shepard. Ever since we acquired those immune boosters."

Garrus smirked at that. "Every night, right, Tali?"

"You're hardly one to talk, Garrus. You can actually have her without all of these... precautions."

"Yeah, and? If you could, wouldn't..."

"Both of you, knock it off. How you still have the energy to argue..." Shepard sat up, muttering. "I don't mean the sex, though that's part of it. I mean this. Us. Together."

Garrus sat up, raising an eyeridge, "You mean our little threesome, Commander?"

"Well, yes." confirmed Shepard. "Though that's probably not how I would put it..."

Garrus smiled. "Then yes, I'd have to say I think about it nightly. And sometimes during midday, if I'm particulary... pensive."

"You are sitting in bed, nude, next to two equally nude and beauitful women, and yet you still feel the need to make a crude joke about your masturbutory habits, Garrus?" inquired Tali, an inquisitive tone in her voice.

"Not at all, I just thought I would give you fodder for your own, Tali."

Shepard growled, exasperated. "That's enough. Both of you. Or... Or..." She paused, thinking.

"Or?" Smirked Garrus.

"Garrus, no sex for a month. Tali, none of those little 'shows' for the same timespan."

They both sighed, with Garrus sinking back down to the bed. "Yes, ma'am." they replied, gloomly.

"Better." Shepard smiled, rearranging herself to lightly kiss the quarian woman's lips, then turning to nuzzle the turian's mandible with her cheek.

"I mean that this is an odd relationship to find myself in. It just... isn't something I would have seen myself in."

Garrus cocked his head at that. "I hope you aren't regretting anything that has happened, Commander."

"Of course not, not with either of you, I just... I'm kind of nervous about this."

"I believe that I understand your meaning, Shepard." Tali took Shepard's hand and began to stroke it while she spoke. "You are uncertain and nervous about how this may be viewed by other humans, albeit ones not onboard the Normandy. I felt the same way when I first became attracted to you."

Garrus frowned, slightly, "If we're all happy, what else matters? Honestly, after everything we've done, why should it matter who we choose as our lovers? And why should it matter to us what others think, anyway?"

"I happen to agree with Garrus, for the second time that I can remember. If we-"

"Are you so sure this isn't the third time, Tali? I seem to recal- ahhhh..."

"You were saying, Garrus?" Tali asked, innocently, while squeezing a rather sensitive part of his anatomy between the fingers of the hand that until lately had been carassing Shepard. Shepard, meanwhile, couldn't contain a chuckle at the sight.

"Ah, never mind me, for now, alright Tali?"

"Good. Now then. If we" She paused for a moment, "if we are in love with one another, is that not the most important consideration? Besides, ours is hardly the oddest relationship aboard the Normandy."

"That's true enough. Joker and EDI, that's something I wasn't expecting. Even less than this, that is. Not that her hologram was bad looking, for a human, anyway." Garrus trailed off, lost in thought.

Tali reached over to smack the top of Garrus' head. "Bad turian! We are right here."

Shepard cleared her throat, in an attempt to get the conversation back on track. "The two of you are right. Why am I not surprised?"

"Because we're two of the brightest, not to mention most handsome, minds in the galaxy?"

"Well, I'm one of the brightest minds, anyway..." Tali muttered...

"You're going to be one of the loudest voices, too..." whispered Garrus, as the turian sat up and began to reach toward Tali.

"I suppose that, as long as I'm happy, I shouldn't concern myself with what someone else may or may not think," Shepard says, musing aloud in a vain attempt to ignore the other two, "and I am happy. I'm very much in love with both of you."

Tali snuggled even closer to Shepard at that, and beckoned Garrus down as well. "I love you," she whispers, "and I think I may even love that turian, but I may just be getting an illness."

"Ha ha. This is where I admit that I love you two, right? I'd rather be trying to make you ill, again. We really don't have much more time left, you know."

"Garrus, we have over twenty hours left."

"Exactly, Commander. After then, how long will it be before the little quarian can come out and play again? Let's make the time count."

Garrus and Shepard exchange a look, and both turn to Tali with michevious grins.
 

Copper

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Re: Goldstein's Book

Well, I can't say anything about the charries, not having played ME, but the writing is solid, though I'm calling ya on the last line. You change tense. Should likely be "turned" not "turn" to keep with the the rest of the story.

Nice, not at all smutty, character relations. Verah good!
 

dmronny

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Re: Goldstein's Book

Haven't played ME either, but I know enough about it to understand what's going on. Very good job storywise and I didn't spot any mistakes spelling or grammarwise. Well I didn't until Copper pointed out the tense change there, but it didn't really interupt the story that much. So good job.
 
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Goldstein

Goldstein

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Re: Goldstein's Book

Heh, thanks for catching that. I completely missed it. Good to know it's fine otherwise.
 
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