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Kiwi's batch of oddities


Unnatural Kiwi

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I thought some people might enjoy reading some of the more odd/amusing/karma slap reports I receive on a somewhat daily basis.


{Man with warrants calls police due to a violent argument with a friend. The fight started due to the friend snitching on the man for a robbery he committed that created said warrants. Man goes to jail.}


{A family secured their bikes on the back of their SUV on a bike rack. A thief, unable to remove the bikes' locks from the rack, decides to take the entire rack from the SUV and leaves with it.}


{A 16 year old kid, who had his internet taken away from him for bad grades, decides he can't live without internet. Stage 1: threatens parents with knives and fails Stage 2: attempts to stab himself in front of parents and fails Stage 3: attempts to light himself on fire and fails Stage 4: taken in for mental evaluation}


{Two elderly people (male and female) go missing in a living center. They are later discovered in the same bed fully naked. Both have dementia and don't remember anything.}


{Check welfare call of a male who sent a picture to his girlfriend holding a gun in his mouth. Upon arrival at the boyfriend's house, it is discovered the gun is stolen, so the boyfriend goes to jail. When asked why he sent the picture, he replied it was to get his girlfriend to stop texting him.}


{Burglary 2 call to a residence. After the victim searches around the house to see what has been stolen, he informs us that the only thing the thief stole was a half foot tall Buddha statue. Electronics and other high value items went untouched.}


{A lady having a candlelit bath on the second story of her house. Neighbors see the flickering of the flames through the window and call 911 shouting fire. Police and Fire Dept. arrive and break in the lady's front door. Rushing up to the top floor, they open the bathroom door to find the lady rather surprised and desperately covering herself.}


{A lady calls police, and upon arrival, says to arrest the woman standing nearby. She exclaims that she paid $20 to the woman for drugs, but she didn't give her any drugs and kept the money. The lady is arrested for attempting to buy narcotics. The other woman is voluntarily searched for any narcotics and released when it is shown she has none.}


{A man mails a package with his name and the business' name where he works to the business itself. Naturally, the business owner arrives to open the business and opens the package finding boxes of nerds within the package. Inside the nerd boxes were various pills mixed in with the nerd candy. The man was arrested once he came to work and claimed his package.}


{A man parks their vehicle on the side of the highway and proceeds to forcibly toss out his soon to be fiance along with her two kids over an argument. Once out of the vehicle, he assaults her before getting back in the vehicle and driving off, leaving them there. Not long later, the man causes a wreck and drives off from that as well. A biker follows the man until he has a chance to go to the man's vehicle, drag him out of it, and proceed to assault him, breaking one of his arms in the process. The biker then calls police as to where to find the hit and run man and leaves as witnesses watch in shock.}


{A suspicious activity call where a store called about a man that came into the store and bought a porno magazine, an extension cord, two pairs of panty hose, a rope, and a hammer.}


{A lady parks her orange hummer at a Chinese restaurant, leaves her purse in the passenger seat, and goes inside. Later she comes out to find her passenger window broken and the purse missing. Inside the purse sitting alone outside was $2,000 in cash, various credit cards, and $31,000 in jewelry.}


More to come later when I realize where I left my paper that I wrote them on...
 
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Unnatural Kiwi

Unnatural Kiwi

Sex Demon
Joined
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Messages
290
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Re: Kiwi's batch of oddities

{A robber goes into a convenience store and buys two sandwiches with his state access card. He then proceeds to eat one in the middle of the store while staring directly at the security camera. Next, he goes to the front doors, opens them, and looks around outside. After this, he goes and buys a cup of ice. When the register opens for the sale, he lunges over the counter, getting into a physical fight with the cashier. During the fight, he manages to grab roughly $6.00 (little more than the price of his two sandwiches) and escapes outside, leaving his access card on the counter. With the information from the card and the clear view of his face from the camera, he is arrested not long later.}


{A burglary goes awry for three thieves. The lookout is caught as he attempted to run from his vehicle parked in the driveway while the other two bail out the back door and escape. The lookout, now in handcuffs, looks at us and says, "I was just sitting here in my vehicle looking for you guys. I wasn't doing anything. Why am I getting arrested?"}


{A driver somehow manages to hit 5 parked cars in the process of backing out of his parking spot. Rightfully irate, a owner of one of the 5 vehicles called police while keeping the driver from leaving.}


{At the scene of a non-injury accident, we find a lady that ran into a hydrant. When questioned how this happened, the lady replied that her KFC chicken bucket fell from her lap down to the floor and blocked her foot from reaching the brake pedal.}


(One from a neighboring town's 911 dispatcher. A joke at the expense of a non-country person.)
{A lady calls in about loose cows. The dispatcher asked if she can tell what field they belong to. She says she saw an open gate. The dispatcher replies, "Okay, but is there a cattle guard at that gate?" The lady replies, "Umm, no, I don't see anybody standing there."}


{A man found by police and the fire dept. in a park straddling a fire he set in an abandoned fountain. The man was wearing crotchless chaps-style spandex displaying his lower region. The man was purposefully allowing the flames to touch his lower region and said to us that he was having a "weenie roast" as he gyrated over the flame. The fire dept. put out the fire, and we took the man to get mentally evaluated.}


{A little old lady was having car trouble and parked her vehicle in an empty parking lot next to the road to find out the problem. While at the open hood, a thief rushed over and attempted to steal her purse. With an iron grip on her purse, she reached over with her other hand, grabbed the would be thief by the balls, and applied pressure. During this time, a passerby called the police. Deciding to retreat, the thief manages to get away from the little old lady while holding his balls. Screaming curses at her, he runs off with both hands still holding his balls.}


{A thief robbed a group of people previously. This same group of people, a day later, encounters the thief at a gas station. The thief taunts the group and brandishes a knife. The group pulls guns. The thief dies in the resulting knife vs gun fight.}


(Rather sad how often this one occurs)
{A driver of a vehicle parks their car at a gas station. They leave the vehicle running and unlocked while they go inside to get their morning coffee. When they come back out, the vehicle is gone (or they see it driving off). When they explain this to us, they can't seem to understand how the vehicle was stolen.}
 
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Unnatural Kiwi

Unnatural Kiwi

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Re: Kiwi's batch of oddities

A couple fresh ones, since I sadly still can't bloody find my pile of other ones.

A LADY CALLING IN ASKING IF IT WAS OKAY TO BE IN OKLAHOMA CITY ON A TUESDAY WALKING BACKWARDS EATING A HAMBURGER, BECAUSE SOMEONE TOLD HER IF WAS AGAINST THE LAW HERE. (I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF IT WAS, BUT IT WAS COMICAL TO HAVE TO REPLY TO.)

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A RETIRED OFFICER THAT IS WORKING SECURITY AT A TRUCK STOP IS APPROACHED BY A FEMALE. SHE ASKS IF HE IS LOOKING FOR A GOOD TIME. PLAYING ALONG, HE GETS HER TO GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT WHAT SHE WAS OFFERING, HOW MUCH, AND WHAT HE WOULD GET FOR THE $150 PAYMENT. AS THE TWO WALK TO HIS PICKUP, HE ASKS HER IF SHE IS INTO ANYTHING KINKY. SHE SAYS YES, AND HE PULLS OUT HANDCUFFS. HE APPLIES THE HANDCUFFS AND THEN CALLS 911.

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IN REGARD TO A PUBLIC DRUNK WHERE AN ARRESTEE WAS UNABLE TO STAND STRAIGHT OR KEEP HIS BALANCE. UPON ASKING HIM IF HE HAD ANYTHING WRONG WITH HIS LEGS, HE SAID, "NO, I'VE BEEN GOLFING ALL DAY."

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A WHITE 2008 CHEVY UPLANDER HAD STRUCK A LEGALLY PARKED PICKUP TRUCK, WHICH IN TURN THEN STRUCK ANOTHER VEHICLE (WHICH WAS ALSO LEGALLY PARKED). THE AT FAULT DRIVER TOLD OFFICERS THAT SHE HAD STRUCK THE TRUCK BECAUSE IT WOULD NOT GET OUT OF HER WAY. OFFICERS ADVISED THEY COULD SMELL THE ODOR OF ALCOHOL COMING FROM THE DRIVER

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A GUY WENT AROUND A BICYCLIST ON HIS WAY TOWARDS A LAKE. THE BICYCLIST YELLS AT HIM, AND THE GUY PULLS OVER. THE BICYCLIST BEGINS TO YELL AT THE GUY ABOUT HOW HE ALMOST HIT HIM, AND NOW, THE BICYCLIST WANTED TO KICK HIS ASS. THE GUY HANDS THE BICYCLIST HIS PHONE AND ADVISED HIM TO CALL THE POLICE, SO THEY CAN SETTLE THE MATTER. THE BICYCLIST RIDES OFF WITH THE GUY’S PHONE.
 
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Unnatural Kiwi

Unnatural Kiwi

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Re: Kiwi's batch of oddities

One from today. It's was kind of hard not to break out laughing.

While talking to people at a traffic stop, a revving is heard from the Lt's scout car in the back. Going over to investigate, a kid is in the scout car trying to change the gear into drive, but having problems doing so. Guns are drawn and the kid is commanded out of the vehicle. After removing the kid, we learn from him that he is 14 years old and completely drunk (slurred speech, unsteady on feet, etc.). When asked why he tried to steal the car, he replied he had been playing grand theft auto with his friend and wanted to steal a car and make a fast getaway like in the game. However, he failed to know how to shift the gear.
 
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Unnatural Kiwi

Unnatural Kiwi

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Joined
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Messages
290
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Re: Kiwi's batch of oddities

One from tonight:

During the night, a lady heard a noise outside and discovered 3 subjects breaking into her car. When she came outside, they fled with her purse. However, she chased after them, catching the slowest one and tackling them to the ground. She then drug the subject, by the hair, back to her driveway from across the street then called police. The other two subjects got away.

Moral of the story, you don't have to be fast. You just have to be faster than your fellow thieves...that and don't try to steal from that lady.
 
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