ShadowWolf's Archive of Silly, Random, or just plain Derpy d20/PF Magical Stuff

ShadowWolfSBI

Chief Spam Hunter Why Are You Making Me Do This
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Nov 10, 2008
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Decided to do a collection thread for all of the random, silly, and WTF-inducing items I've come up with. If you decide you want to use or convert any of these, please ask first. Don't worry, I'll probably say yes.


Staff of the Necropantser

Any user -

At will
Detect Magic
Read Magic
Light
Identify
Detect Secret Doors

1 Charge
Dancing Lights
Ghost Sound (music only)

Grants Spell Resistance 23.


If user is a Necromancer -

At will
Lesser Skeletal Grasp (Reflex DC22 to negate.)
Mage Hand (Only usable to attempt to flip skirts or give wedgies. Will DC22 to negate.)

1 charge
Unseen Servant (Only usable to pants target. Reflex DC24 to negate.)
Summon Monster I (Skeletons and Zombies only, limited actions available)
Spectral Hand (Same restrictions as Mage Hand. Will DC24 to negate.)
Skeletal Grasp (Unique spell, detailed below. Reflex DC 24 to negate.)

2 charges
Create Undead (Ghosts only, limited actions available)
Distracting Cacophony (Automatically affects user, Will DC25 to negate for others.)
Greater Skeletal Grasp (Reflex DC 26 to negate.)
Irresistable Dance (Affects user's undead minions as well, Will DC25 to negate)

5 charges
Illusory Chaotic Weather (Unique Spell, detailed below.)

In addition, a Necromancer user may willingly lower Spell Resistance to absorb incoming spells, as per a Staff of the Magi. However, the Staff of the Necropantser does not detonate if the charge limit is reached, rather it begins "bleeding off" the excess by automatically casting Skeletal Grasp, or Greater Skeletal Grasp, until the excess is used up... And the staff's user is always the first targeted, unless there's only one charge of overage and the user is wearing magical clothes or armor.

The Staff of the Necropantser may be broken, as per Retributive Strike rules, only by a necromancer user. However, the effects are different. There is a 50% chance that the user believes the staff is destroying their foes in a massive blast, which also converts any remaining prepared spells as per absorption rules. In reality, it's merely a 50ft radius strong breeze effect with an additional 10ft per charge remaining. The necromancer, at the end of the breeze effect, is teleported to a random location a minimum of 1000 miles away... However, all of their items, clothing, and other gear remain with the broken staff. Should the teleport not occur, though, the necromancer is destroyed and turned into a spectral DJ eternally cursed to remain at the center of a 7,000 member skeleton rave, playing rave music for the skeletons. Their new DJ form maintains full awareness of what has happened to them, however possesses no means of communicating with other. Not even telepathy works.


Skeletal Grasp - Necromancy School, Level 3 Spell. Reflex save to negate.
*Skeletal Grasp causes an elongated skeletal arm to burst up out of the ground behind the target, grab the waistband of their pants, and retreat back down yanking the pants to ankle level. Victims must make a DC5 Acrobatics check every time they move while in this state to avoid falling prone. A move action allows them to simply step out of their fallen pants to avoid the check, while a full round action is required to re-don the pants. Magical armor and clothing are immune to this version.

Lesser Skeletal Grasp - Necromancy School, Level 1 Spell. Reflex save to negate.
*Effects as per skeletal grasp, with the exception that it only affects non-magical clothing.

Greater Skeletal Grasp - Necromancy School, Level 5 Spell. Reflex save to negate.
*Effects as per skeletal grasp, with the exception that magical armor and clothing may now be affected as well.

Illusory Chaotic Weather - Illusion School, Level * Spell. Will save to reduce effects. (Still deciding on Spell Level.)
*Illusory Chaotic Weather causes an illusion of a rain of 3d8 flaming llamas. Viewers are stunned for 1d6 rounds, Will save reduces this to one round. If a viewer is struck by one of the flaming llamas, the llama vanishes in a puff of light mist, extending the stun effect per llama. (1d4 rounds for those who failed the Will save, 1 round for those who succeeded.) Determine hits randomly.


NOTE: Any skeletons who are created by the Staff of the Necropantser may only attempt to sneak around and pants people. Skeletons created by the Staff have no ranks in Stealth, and may not have a Stealth modifier greater than +0. Any zombies created by the Staff may only Thriller Dance. Any ghosts summoned by the Staff may only dance. Skeletons involved in the Skeletal Rave may attempt a DC20 Perception check to notice a living target within 5ft of them. Once per week, each Skeleton who notices a target may break their dancing long enough to attempt to pants the target. (Sleight of Hand check vs. target's Reflex save, Skeletons have one rank.)

History: The original Staff of the Necropantser was created by a Necromancer who, apparently, opposed the standard modus operandi of his brethren. It acts much akin to the Staff of the Magi, and may have been based off of it. While it contains some abilites useful to anyone, most of the actual necromancy related abilities seem twisted to display a rather juvenile sense of humor. Most necromancers who know about the true nature of the Staff regard it as something of a cursed item. However, there have been reports of more Staffs being made, suggesting someone, possibly the original "Necropantser" making more of these. The staff itself is made out of a black wood, marked with various runes seeming to promise power to the wielder. The bottom of the staff is covered by a small iron cap, and the top is adorned with a pair of skeletal hands holding a disk. The entire ornament is made of silver, and the disk bears a crosshatching design on the front, and a stylized face on the back. Should a necromancer use any of the Staff's "hidden" abilities, however, this face twists to a rather mocking countenance.


The Sinister Keg - Appearing to be just an old, worn keg full of some manner of drink, the Sinister Keg is perhaps one of the most feared artifacts in Tamberlyn. Not that it's over dangerous, per se... However, just one swig from this seemingly always full keg is enough to drop anything it has been tested with so far. Furthermore, two effects occur upon passing out. First, an illusion effect occurs, making the drinker (when they wake) and all who see them believe that the drinker has somehow misplaced their pants (or equivalent outerwear). In addition, the drinker sees everything through an odd, tannish haze. This effect lasts until the drinker fully sobers. Second, the drinker is immediately teleported to a random location somewhere within 500 miles of the Keg. This effect lasts after sobering up.

Shining Light - This artifact appears to be just a finely made crystal phial, reinforced with ornate vine-like mithril tracery. It always seems to be partially filled with shining, clear water. When held aloft, however, it floats into the air and transforms into a sizable sphere seemingly made of mirror-polished mithril. Light reflects off the ball in colored streams, a strange ethereal music is heard, and those within the radius of light become overwhelmed with the urge to dance, doing so in odd patterns they may not even normally know of.

Phukit Bucket - Appearing to be a well-bucket made out of mithril, the Phukit Bucket seems to always be full of water when swung as if attempting to douse a fire. At all other times, it appears to be empty.

No one knows why it's called that. (9000 gp, 5 lbs.)

Endless Chicken Bucket - This bucket, apparently made out of a stiff paper, appears to have been alchemically treated for reinforced durability. It always seems full of fried chicken. Upon use of a command word, the bucket begins spraying fried chicken out with extreme force, requiring a DC15 Strength check each round to avoid being knocked down. Anyone caught in the spray of fried chicken takes 1d4 bludgeoning damage per round exposed to the stream of fried food, and must make a DC10 Fortitude save or be nauseated until they can escape the spray. (9000 gp, 4 lbs.)

Transmission Crystals - Highly common magic items, transmission crystals found their origin in military use, initially circumventing the need for message runners. However, at some point, an enterprising wizard decided to tweak the creation process slightly, and ended up creating a more "commoner-friendly" version. Today, three versions are now most commonly used. Perhaps the most common is sized about the same as a deck of playing cards, and transmits voice to a receiving crystal. A second type acts much the same, but is much smaller, and may be worn as a pin or something similar. This version is the most popular amongst militaries and adventurers, only needing to be touched briefly to activate, rather than held. These first two versions require the user to mentally focus when making the initial connection to another crystal, usually by thinking of the intended receiver, and then the crystal "connects" to another close to who it thinks is the correct subject. This process is made easier if the crystals in question are part of an "attuned" set. Finally, the largest version is about the size of a small smithing anvil, and operates much differently. It only receives from a specialized apparatus, but it projects a visual image, as well as transmitting sound. This version is most commonly used in taverns, in order to entertain patrons with distant athletic events.

The Mad Wizard's Butt Curse -

Size category reduced by one step.
Strength and Intelligence scores reduced to 1. Charisma removed entirely.
Lose all attacks and class features.
May only communicate by saying the word "butt". In addition, any Transmission Crystals within hearing range begin transmitting everything the victim says. If the victim had one in their possession at the time of cursing, all "attuned" connections are automatically transmitted to.
10% chance to mimic any heard speech within hearing range, with random words replaced with "butt".
Gain a stench aura, as a Trogdolyte.
5% chance to curse a random person within aura's range with the Butt Curse.
Upon death, release a slippery mess as the grease spell, with the addition of the stench aura effect, which lingers until the mess fades.

Crossdropper -

These weapons resemble heavy crossbows, or at least the bodies of them. While held in a "ready" posture, the weapon emits a low hum, almost but not quite like music. If raised and aimed, the hum raises in volume to that of actual played music. The weapon is fired much like a crossbow, with each "shot" causing 1d6 sonic damage. The trigger may be held down as a full-round attack action, "firing" a number of bursts equal to the wielder's normal number of attacks. A greater version of this weapon exists, with each shot acting like a 3d6 fireball that delivers sonic damage instead of fire damage.

The current theory of the origins of these weapons suggest that they were created by the infamous "Necropantser" for use by skeletal minions of his during a major battle.
 
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[Sc8]Hardware

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Aug 20, 2013
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Re: ShadowWolf's Archive of Silly, Random, or just plain Derpy d20/PF Magical Stuff

Crossdropper -

These weapons resemble heavy crossbows, or at least the bodies of them. While held in a "ready" posture, the weapon emits a low hum, almost but not quite like music. If raised and aimed, the hum raises in volume to that of actual played music. The weapon is fired much like a crossbow, with each "shot" causing 1d6 sonic damage. The trigger may be held down as a full-round attack action, "firing" a number of bursts equal to the wielder's normal number of attacks. A greater version of this weapon exists, with each shot acting like a 3d6 fireball that delivers sonic damage instead of fire damage.

The current theory of the origins of these weapons suggest that they were created by the infamous "Necropantser" for use by skeletal minions of his during a major battle.
Oppan YATTA Style!