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Re: Elynsor's Royal Magic Academy (Kat) GMed by Takimaru
There was relief for a brief moment, relief when Kurui found out her worst fears hadn't been confirmed and Sienna didn't hate her. The relief would be short-lived though... as everything to follow it would cut hard and deep. The water major had come for answers that would make everything better, come to find out how her friend had dealt with her own experiences so well... but there would be no easy answers. Worse still than the disappointment of no easy answers, what Kurui was hearing would give voice to her own nebulous fears and insecurities... both ones she had suppressed and ones she hadn't even fully realized yet.
“I...”
For a short few seconds, Kurui's protective instinct made her want to answer that everything was going to be OK, that none of this would matter in a little over two years when they were graduated, that nobody even had to know about any of this. It had all been an easy lie to tell only a few weeks ago... but now... having experienced it herself, her protective instinct failed. This wasn't something that was so easily forgotten... no, THEY would never forget, even if nobody else ever knew or found out. No amount of time was ever going to change that and it was never going to be completely OK.
Desperately Kurui's mind tried to find more counter examples... Lafton still cared about her, right? Sienna's words shook her certainty in that, made doubt take vicious root. What if she had mis-interpretted everything, she was certainly in no state to be sure. Not even counting the fact that she had almost gotten him killed, why would he still like her once all this sank in? There was no way he would. Why even bother trying to find anything that would even remotely prove this was going to be OK? She could try for a hundred scenarios besides that one and it would still be wasted effort.
“It's never gonna get any better, is it?”
Kurui's voice cracked at the pathetic question, and her eyes started to tear up as she sat there at the edge of the bed.
“Nothing matters, does it?! Nothing about us anyway... we're just here to be used and ruined and thrown away, aren't we!? Like we're not even people!”
What the water major was implying was a level of self-depreciation she had never shown before. While she had never exactly been hugely vocal or anything about gender equality or her gender being better, before she had never done the opposite either. Before all of this, she was perfectly content to tease that boys were idiots. After everything that had happened though, after being forcibly made less than a person, even for just a short time, it seemed some of the deepest parts of her core had changed had been shaken otherwise. Her voice was practically an incoherent wail as she continued.
“All decided without us having any say in it! Before we even have a chance to understand it! It's not fair! Nothing about it is fair!!!”
Before it could get too far out of hand though, a familiar sense of nausea and dizziness washed over the mage. Passing out had not been a good experience the first time, and as she felt it coming on again, she stopped her rant, laid back on the bed, and tried to wrestle some control over her body again.
“Breathe... breathe...”
The water major's breathing was jagged, even with the concentrated effort, but slowly evened out after a few minutes. As it did, she started to speak again, although it was uncertain if she was doing so to calm her friend or just to distract herself. While her voice was no longer hysterical, it still sounded hurt and pathetic.
“I'm not keeping it together very well... not at all. Earlier I went to see the headmaster... there was a note on my door asking me to. The others from my group on the trip were there... there all made it OK. I should have been happy... but I could feel them all staring at me... it got to me and I lost it just like I did right now... I passed out and woke up in the infirmary. I can't even keep myself together well enough to stay on my feet.”
More deep breaths followed, as if saying even that short bit had drained her of any remaining energy for a few moments. Her breathing then slowed after awhile, almost as if she had passed out again. But right before fully hitting that point, her arm moved over her face to wipe away the hot tears that had streamed down her face earlier, and then her eyes opened and focused on the ceiling above her.
“Spinning's stopped...” she commented quietly under breath as her hand fell back to her side. A closer look at it would show the water major trying to flex her fingers, the hand still shaking badly and not controlling very well.
There was relief for a brief moment, relief when Kurui found out her worst fears hadn't been confirmed and Sienna didn't hate her. The relief would be short-lived though... as everything to follow it would cut hard and deep. The water major had come for answers that would make everything better, come to find out how her friend had dealt with her own experiences so well... but there would be no easy answers. Worse still than the disappointment of no easy answers, what Kurui was hearing would give voice to her own nebulous fears and insecurities... both ones she had suppressed and ones she hadn't even fully realized yet.
“I...”
For a short few seconds, Kurui's protective instinct made her want to answer that everything was going to be OK, that none of this would matter in a little over two years when they were graduated, that nobody even had to know about any of this. It had all been an easy lie to tell only a few weeks ago... but now... having experienced it herself, her protective instinct failed. This wasn't something that was so easily forgotten... no, THEY would never forget, even if nobody else ever knew or found out. No amount of time was ever going to change that and it was never going to be completely OK.
Desperately Kurui's mind tried to find more counter examples... Lafton still cared about her, right? Sienna's words shook her certainty in that, made doubt take vicious root. What if she had mis-interpretted everything, she was certainly in no state to be sure. Not even counting the fact that she had almost gotten him killed, why would he still like her once all this sank in? There was no way he would. Why even bother trying to find anything that would even remotely prove this was going to be OK? She could try for a hundred scenarios besides that one and it would still be wasted effort.
“It's never gonna get any better, is it?”
Kurui's voice cracked at the pathetic question, and her eyes started to tear up as she sat there at the edge of the bed.
“Nothing matters, does it?! Nothing about us anyway... we're just here to be used and ruined and thrown away, aren't we!? Like we're not even people!”
What the water major was implying was a level of self-depreciation she had never shown before. While she had never exactly been hugely vocal or anything about gender equality or her gender being better, before she had never done the opposite either. Before all of this, she was perfectly content to tease that boys were idiots. After everything that had happened though, after being forcibly made less than a person, even for just a short time, it seemed some of the deepest parts of her core had changed had been shaken otherwise. Her voice was practically an incoherent wail as she continued.
“All decided without us having any say in it! Before we even have a chance to understand it! It's not fair! Nothing about it is fair!!!”
Before it could get too far out of hand though, a familiar sense of nausea and dizziness washed over the mage. Passing out had not been a good experience the first time, and as she felt it coming on again, she stopped her rant, laid back on the bed, and tried to wrestle some control over her body again.
“Breathe... breathe...”
The water major's breathing was jagged, even with the concentrated effort, but slowly evened out after a few minutes. As it did, she started to speak again, although it was uncertain if she was doing so to calm her friend or just to distract herself. While her voice was no longer hysterical, it still sounded hurt and pathetic.
“I'm not keeping it together very well... not at all. Earlier I went to see the headmaster... there was a note on my door asking me to. The others from my group on the trip were there... there all made it OK. I should have been happy... but I could feel them all staring at me... it got to me and I lost it just like I did right now... I passed out and woke up in the infirmary. I can't even keep myself together well enough to stay on my feet.”
More deep breaths followed, as if saying even that short bit had drained her of any remaining energy for a few moments. Her breathing then slowed after awhile, almost as if she had passed out again. But right before fully hitting that point, her arm moved over her face to wipe away the hot tears that had streamed down her face earlier, and then her eyes opened and focused on the ceiling above her.
“Spinning's stopped...” she commented quietly under breath as her hand fell back to her side. A closer look at it would show the water major trying to flex her fingers, the hand still shaking badly and not controlling very well.
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