Depression... I hate depression, with a burning passion.
The feel of if slipping, gnawing its way through your mind with the stress of your life closing in around like like walls on all sides, making you feel as if you can't breathe your chest is so tight from it. The feel of doubt always present, the voices of depression telling you to do this, or that, when you know it's the wrong thing to do. The inescapable feel of despair caused from depression that clouds your judgement, makes you say and do things that hurt those you love ever more in the anguished presence of that goddamned depression. I'm drowning... I'm drowning is all you can think as the anguish, the despair closes in around you. Then... the depression makes you begin no longer doubting yourself, but hating yourself... the mere look of yourself in the mirror disgusts you, angers you even. Finally... you find yourself hoping... nay, praying for release from this god awful feeling, this waking living nightmare, no longer just wanting to be able to rest without the tormenting voices of depression clawing through you like nails on a chalkboard, but to rest forevermore, to never have to hear those voices again... to never have to hurt again... to never have to feel again, and mostly... to never have to hurt those you love and care about again. You just want it to finally end, whether in despair, or not... you just want it to end. That deep everlasting sleep is something that calls to you every single day that goes by, and every day you must wake up and tell yourself that today isn't the day, for one reason or another today isn't the day. You also find yourself thinking what people will say when you finally do achieve that everlasting sleep, when they say he just wasn't strong enough, or she was just too weak to fight it. No... what they don't realize is that with depression... when you finally do find that final peace... regardless of how you do, it isn't because you weren't strong enough, or because you were weak... it's because you tried to be strong for far too long without any way out, without any hope, and that unending battle in your mind finally tipped in depression's favor, giving depression its long sought victory, and whatever they may say about you matters not any longer, because you have finally found peace in that everlasting rest that you deserve for trying to fight an ever losing battle, one that has no hope of victory, and all you can do leading up to it is hope the end comes painlessly for those you still love and care about, and you pray that they won't miss you, that they won't even notice you've gone.
