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Re: Elynsor's Royal Magic Academy (Kat) GMed by Takimaru
Kurui wasn't even completely sure what she had run from. Obviously it was Black... but it was more than that too. The sounds from downstairs made her feel the same twinges of nothingness she had felt after impaling him with her crystal, he was no threat anymore and she KNEW that... but yet she was still scared. Maybe she didn't KNOW... that was really the problem throughout this whole thing... that so much she thought she knew about her life and so many other things had warped into something horrible in only a scant few days. Maybe Black himself wasn't scary anymore... but he was a reminder of just how wrong she had been about so much. Could she ever feel safe again? She felt safe at the RMA before all this started and that was a stupidity of such recklessness that it almost got her killed and put her through the worst humiliations of her life. Could something like this happen again? She had no way of being sure it wouldn't that she could trust anymore... This was perhaps why she so badly just wanted to be home right now. Home in a world she could trust. Here she only felt completely lost to doubt and uncertainty and fear... here her world view meant nothing and she felt as if a huge chunk of her own self had been taken away.
“It's not all gone... it's not. I can trust Rythe... and I can trust Lafton. This much is true for sure... it has to be. I can work from there and be OK... I just need some time. Nothing bad is going to happen now... and if it does it will just put me out of my misery faster. Calm down Kurui... it's going to be OK... it's all going to be OK.... it's going to get better.”
A few more deep breaths and Kurui was able to stop her trembling hands and find her voice again.
“I... I would like that.” Kurui replied after a few moments to Lafton's offer. There was some hesitation in her voice... she really wanted to go back to her own room at the Academy. It was the closest thing she had to home here, however she didn't want to deal with the academy staff who would no doubt have questions for her. She was in no state to talk to them right now. This, more than even the possibility of any danger (slim as it probably realistically was), made her not want to seek refuge there.
“Just for a few hours... I'm not going to quit now, not after all this... I just need a little bit to... I don't know...”
Kurui let her thought drop there. Trying to explain was too difficult and too exhausting anymore. Instead she focused on getting herself back up to her feet for the walk back. Before she left she remembered enough to give her thanks and bow to the members of the Order, although it was obvious she was forcing herself through the motions. It wasn't out of any lack of respect, but simply because she was at her limit now... that she could even do this much and spent the effort on it meant a lot on it's own.
~~~~
On the trip back to Lafton's, Kurui's eyes again darted to any sounds she heard, but not so much as before. With Black gone and the sun killing off most of the dark places they passed, she was able to keep herself more composed...
“So much for being brave and strong and showing that bastard I wasn't as worthless as he thought I was...”
This would be the only thing she would speak on the trip back, in a low mumble barely above a whisper and expecting no answer. The rest of the time she kept her head down and kept quiet until she arrived with the others at their destination.
As soon as Kurui and the others walked through the front door, they were approached by one of the manor's servants. Although there was no prying, no misplaced curiosity or questioning, Kurui just wished she would go away. The water major was in no mood to have strangers around her. Even the mere presence seemed to stress her out and drain her energy. She was grateful when Lafton dismissed the servant after only a short exchange. She was even MORE grateful a moment later when Lafton mentioned that he was heading back to the Academy.
“Of course... someone has to let Jarelin know we're not all dead... let the rest of the staff know what's happening. Even if they have questions for me later, this should satisfy them enough to dispel any super strong urgency... they won't be out looking for me. I'll get a little bit of time to myself...”
“T-thanks...” Kurui gave a weak word of gratitude that she wouldn't have to be the one to go back and report on anything that happened, but she kept her eyes down and missed Lafton's smile before falling silent again for a few moments. Only as Lafton turned away to leave did her mind come up with anything worth saying.
“Wait! Do me a favor while you're there, please! Just... take a little bit of time and see if you can spot Sienna around. I... havent actually seen her at all since before yesterday. I want to believe nothing happened to her... I don't think Black was lying to me... but if you happen to see her... please tell me. I... should be doing this myself... but...”
Kurui let her thought trail off again, once again at a loss for words. She had no right to ask anything after all the help she had gotten already, and even less right to express that her attention was in some way focused on someone else right now... but she felt compelled to ask anyway, even if she felt shame at doing so. However if he agreed, however casually, she would bring her gaze up to meet his and the slightest bit of a truly grateful smile would show up on her face, although she lacked the energy to react any more than this.
With Lafton on his way, Kurui, with Rythe by her side, found her way up to the room she stayed in last night. A soothing sense of familiarity washed over her once inside... maybe not as strong as if it had been her own room at the academy, but enough that she was grateful for the feeling. Once the door was closed, it was like she was in her own little world inside the room again. There was no outside world to worry about anymore, everything was safe.
Finally she could relax. Within seconds she was collapsed on the bed with her eyes closed. She wasn't asleep, it was too early in the morning for her to manage that, but even just laying there awake felt like an amazing reprieve. She could practically feel her body thanking her for the moment the rest after everything she had been through... as if she had run for miles today and only now had a chance to stop. For a few minutes she just laid there and soaked in the feeling before finally speaking.
“It's not over... but for now our part in it is... I'm sorry I dragged you into all of this.”
Kurui's tone was more at ease than before. With just Rythe there and no other sources of stress, the water major would finally be able to talk about things a little, as long as nothing too harsh or accusatory or needlessly negative drove her back into her shell.
Kurui wasn't even completely sure what she had run from. Obviously it was Black... but it was more than that too. The sounds from downstairs made her feel the same twinges of nothingness she had felt after impaling him with her crystal, he was no threat anymore and she KNEW that... but yet she was still scared. Maybe she didn't KNOW... that was really the problem throughout this whole thing... that so much she thought she knew about her life and so many other things had warped into something horrible in only a scant few days. Maybe Black himself wasn't scary anymore... but he was a reminder of just how wrong she had been about so much. Could she ever feel safe again? She felt safe at the RMA before all this started and that was a stupidity of such recklessness that it almost got her killed and put her through the worst humiliations of her life. Could something like this happen again? She had no way of being sure it wouldn't that she could trust anymore... This was perhaps why she so badly just wanted to be home right now. Home in a world she could trust. Here she only felt completely lost to doubt and uncertainty and fear... here her world view meant nothing and she felt as if a huge chunk of her own self had been taken away.
“It's not all gone... it's not. I can trust Rythe... and I can trust Lafton. This much is true for sure... it has to be. I can work from there and be OK... I just need some time. Nothing bad is going to happen now... and if it does it will just put me out of my misery faster. Calm down Kurui... it's going to be OK... it's all going to be OK.... it's going to get better.”
A few more deep breaths and Kurui was able to stop her trembling hands and find her voice again.
“I... I would like that.” Kurui replied after a few moments to Lafton's offer. There was some hesitation in her voice... she really wanted to go back to her own room at the Academy. It was the closest thing she had to home here, however she didn't want to deal with the academy staff who would no doubt have questions for her. She was in no state to talk to them right now. This, more than even the possibility of any danger (slim as it probably realistically was), made her not want to seek refuge there.
“Just for a few hours... I'm not going to quit now, not after all this... I just need a little bit to... I don't know...”
Kurui let her thought drop there. Trying to explain was too difficult and too exhausting anymore. Instead she focused on getting herself back up to her feet for the walk back. Before she left she remembered enough to give her thanks and bow to the members of the Order, although it was obvious she was forcing herself through the motions. It wasn't out of any lack of respect, but simply because she was at her limit now... that she could even do this much and spent the effort on it meant a lot on it's own.
~~~~
On the trip back to Lafton's, Kurui's eyes again darted to any sounds she heard, but not so much as before. With Black gone and the sun killing off most of the dark places they passed, she was able to keep herself more composed...
“So much for being brave and strong and showing that bastard I wasn't as worthless as he thought I was...”
This would be the only thing she would speak on the trip back, in a low mumble barely above a whisper and expecting no answer. The rest of the time she kept her head down and kept quiet until she arrived with the others at their destination.
As soon as Kurui and the others walked through the front door, they were approached by one of the manor's servants. Although there was no prying, no misplaced curiosity or questioning, Kurui just wished she would go away. The water major was in no mood to have strangers around her. Even the mere presence seemed to stress her out and drain her energy. She was grateful when Lafton dismissed the servant after only a short exchange. She was even MORE grateful a moment later when Lafton mentioned that he was heading back to the Academy.
“Of course... someone has to let Jarelin know we're not all dead... let the rest of the staff know what's happening. Even if they have questions for me later, this should satisfy them enough to dispel any super strong urgency... they won't be out looking for me. I'll get a little bit of time to myself...”
“T-thanks...” Kurui gave a weak word of gratitude that she wouldn't have to be the one to go back and report on anything that happened, but she kept her eyes down and missed Lafton's smile before falling silent again for a few moments. Only as Lafton turned away to leave did her mind come up with anything worth saying.
“Wait! Do me a favor while you're there, please! Just... take a little bit of time and see if you can spot Sienna around. I... havent actually seen her at all since before yesterday. I want to believe nothing happened to her... I don't think Black was lying to me... but if you happen to see her... please tell me. I... should be doing this myself... but...”
Kurui let her thought trail off again, once again at a loss for words. She had no right to ask anything after all the help she had gotten already, and even less right to express that her attention was in some way focused on someone else right now... but she felt compelled to ask anyway, even if she felt shame at doing so. However if he agreed, however casually, she would bring her gaze up to meet his and the slightest bit of a truly grateful smile would show up on her face, although she lacked the energy to react any more than this.
With Lafton on his way, Kurui, with Rythe by her side, found her way up to the room she stayed in last night. A soothing sense of familiarity washed over her once inside... maybe not as strong as if it had been her own room at the academy, but enough that she was grateful for the feeling. Once the door was closed, it was like she was in her own little world inside the room again. There was no outside world to worry about anymore, everything was safe.
Finally she could relax. Within seconds she was collapsed on the bed with her eyes closed. She wasn't asleep, it was too early in the morning for her to manage that, but even just laying there awake felt like an amazing reprieve. She could practically feel her body thanking her for the moment the rest after everything she had been through... as if she had run for miles today and only now had a chance to stop. For a few minutes she just laid there and soaked in the feeling before finally speaking.
“It's not over... but for now our part in it is... I'm sorry I dragged you into all of this.”
Kurui's tone was more at ease than before. With just Rythe there and no other sources of stress, the water major would finally be able to talk about things a little, as long as nothing too harsh or accusatory or needlessly negative drove her back into her shell.
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