- Joined
- Nov 10, 2008
- Messages
- 16,472
- Reputation score
- 430
Re: Tassadar's Assorted Odd Bits
Hank vs the World,
Hank vs the World,
You must be registered to see the links
Hank vs Nap TimeTass: Wandering out into the woods with his cigar lit, Hank was left with a number of options. The woods immediately around Acheron were kept clear by the guards, but they didn't always scavenge their kills, and he might run into other scavengers along the way. Wandering a little deeper would put him into territory inhabited by numerous wild creatures who'd been corrupted during the battle against the demons four years ago, and going deeper still would put him into the wilds in which he might find anything.
MAF: "Mama probably woulda told me to broaden my horizons if she didn't equate me to demon spawn." Hank said aloud, looking out into the woods. "Hell, there might even be somethin' good out there... Like money, or booze..." he grunted. "Or titties." he chuckled, before deciding to walk a straight line out into the wilderness.
Tass: Wandering towards the deepest depths of the woods without any real aim, Hank walked into a large glade containing a single, massive dead tree. Its bark was pitch black, and there were numerous holes scored into its bark, some of which looked large enough for him to have walked into, though they were really just cubbies. The ground around it was all dead and empty, and there didn't seem to be anything here at the moment, leaving him to move on unless he wanted to take a closer look at something.
MAF: "Guess the planet sometimes gets cancer too." Hank grunted at the sight. Looking around, Hank figured that, for as significant as this was, the major event had come and gone. Still, there might be something after all, so he decided to have a walk around, a firm eye on the tree, but also looking for anything that might lead to goodies.
Tass: Circling the glade, Hank didn't spot anything of particular value at first, but after a moment a red glint caught his eye. Parting some bushes, he found the desicated remains of a feral stalker, a cat-like plant monster. Its body had been ignored by scavengers, likely because of the darkheart that he could see glinting from within its body. It would be easy to yank the thing free and claim it for himself.
MAF: "Well shit, don't mind if I do." Hank said merrily, showing no reaction to the gore as he stepped forth to dig his hand into the flesh and take the heart.
Tass: Claiming the small glowing crimson stone, Hank pocketed it, and could continue searching the glade or move on.
MAF: "It's been naggin' at me..." Hank grumbled, looking back at the tree, too curious for his own good, and also excited to see. So, he decided to cautiously move forth, towards one of the openings in the tree.
Tass: Moving closer to the tree, Hank spotted no movement from the dead tree, and after a few moments of looking into one of the carved out sections of the tree he spotted a faint red glow.
MAF: "That damn allurin' glow..." Hank grumbled. He took a heavy puff of his cigar to see if the burning would show some of his surroundings. Else, he'd light a match to better examine his surroundings, and to keep his cigar burning of course.
Tass: Pushing the illuminating light of his cigar into the hollow in the tree, Hank could see through a crack that there was something red inside of the tree.
MAF: With a grunt, he decided being anymore careful would be a waste of time, before he eagerly went forth, marching with Destiny in hand for the red glow, hoping to claim the possible treasure.
Tass: There was a crack inside of the hollow, through which Hank could see red. He'd have to figure out a way to split the wood open if he wanted to get at whatever it was, however.
MAF: "Hmph," he grunted, before aiming his boomer barrel at the crack, aiming to blow a hole in the tree to clear a path to the red glow.
Tass: Boom! That portion of the tree exploded, shattering outwards and bombarding Hank with rotten splinters of wood. When the smoke cleared, he could see the remnants of a large red stone, now shattered by the blast from the strongest barrel of Destiny. (Hank has acquired a destroyed darkbrain. Effectively three darkhearts.)
MAF: "Shit. There goes market value." Hank shrugged, not too bothered as he collected the remains.
Tass: Hank collected the remnants of the destroyed treasure, and was then free to do as he liked, either to continue on or to go back to Acheron. He hadn't gotten to kill anything yet though.
MAF: "I'm startin' to get fuckin' bored." Hank voiced aloud. "What the hell is killin' things before I have a chance to kill em? Population control's my duty, ya bastards." he complained as he looked for prey on the way back to Acheron.
Tass: Hank found no prey on his way back to Acheron, and the city walls were within sight shortly.
MAF: Hank stopped. Hank looked at the city walls. Hank looked at the lack of things to murder. Before the guards, he suddenly screamed aloud. "I'M FUCKIN' BOOOORED"
Tass: A few guards looked his way when Hank shouted about being bored, but most of them went back to their business immediately while the nearest called out; "Then come in and get drunk!"
MAF: "I did that last fuckin' time and I was robbed by a giant pair of titties! I ain't got no beer money!"
Tass: "Well then get a job!"
MAF: "KILLIN'S MY BUSINESS AND BUSINESS AIN'T FUCKIN' GOOD! Show some fuckin' respect to the murder economy!"
Tass: "Then go find something to kill yah bum!"
MAF: "How 'bout I kill you!?"
Tass: "How bout you go fuck off into the woods instead, and not get picked apart by a dozen snipers when you try to raise a weapon at me?"
MAF: "You want a piece of me you little shit!? Come on down and say that to my face, mano el mano! Yeah, that's what I thought! Pussy!"
"LITTLE PUSSYYYYY"
Tass: "Piss off yah wanker, I'm on duty!"
MAF: "What a convenient excuse! What next? You'll have a tummy ache? Momma's callin'!? Crawl back in the pussy you were shat out of, you're too green!"
Tass: "Still on duty pissant! Keep shouting at me, go ahead. I'll wait until I'm off duty, and then I'll shoot you in the nuts from up here."
MAF: "You couldn't hit a pickle in a pickle barrel, scrub!"
Tass: "You wanna bet your life on that?"
MAF: "I bet I can outshoot you, bitch!"
Tass: "Then sit there for the next six hours."
MAF: "Six hours!? God damn you are a bitch. Don't break the rules, timmy! Or else you won't go to heavan!"
Tass: "Some of us take our responsibilities seriously. We who have them, presumably unlike you!"
MAF: "One of these days, I'm gonna shit on your face while you're sleepin. I hope you don't sleep with your mouth open!"
Tass: "Uh huh, sure buddy."
MAF: Hank let out a sigh. "That was fun." he said to himself, before walking towards the town. "But I'm bored again... Shit."
Tass: Hank was allowed entrance back into Acheron without having killed anything.
MAF: "Mama probably woulda told me to broaden my horizons if she didn't equate me to demon spawn." Hank said aloud, looking out into the woods. "Hell, there might even be somethin' good out there... Like money, or booze..." he grunted. "Or titties." he chuckled, before deciding to walk a straight line out into the wilderness.
Tass: Wandering towards the deepest depths of the woods without any real aim, Hank walked into a large glade containing a single, massive dead tree. Its bark was pitch black, and there were numerous holes scored into its bark, some of which looked large enough for him to have walked into, though they were really just cubbies. The ground around it was all dead and empty, and there didn't seem to be anything here at the moment, leaving him to move on unless he wanted to take a closer look at something.
MAF: "Guess the planet sometimes gets cancer too." Hank grunted at the sight. Looking around, Hank figured that, for as significant as this was, the major event had come and gone. Still, there might be something after all, so he decided to have a walk around, a firm eye on the tree, but also looking for anything that might lead to goodies.
Tass: Circling the glade, Hank didn't spot anything of particular value at first, but after a moment a red glint caught his eye. Parting some bushes, he found the desicated remains of a feral stalker, a cat-like plant monster. Its body had been ignored by scavengers, likely because of the darkheart that he could see glinting from within its body. It would be easy to yank the thing free and claim it for himself.
MAF: "Well shit, don't mind if I do." Hank said merrily, showing no reaction to the gore as he stepped forth to dig his hand into the flesh and take the heart.
Tass: Claiming the small glowing crimson stone, Hank pocketed it, and could continue searching the glade or move on.
MAF: "It's been naggin' at me..." Hank grumbled, looking back at the tree, too curious for his own good, and also excited to see. So, he decided to cautiously move forth, towards one of the openings in the tree.
Tass: Moving closer to the tree, Hank spotted no movement from the dead tree, and after a few moments of looking into one of the carved out sections of the tree he spotted a faint red glow.
MAF: "That damn allurin' glow..." Hank grumbled. He took a heavy puff of his cigar to see if the burning would show some of his surroundings. Else, he'd light a match to better examine his surroundings, and to keep his cigar burning of course.
Tass: Pushing the illuminating light of his cigar into the hollow in the tree, Hank could see through a crack that there was something red inside of the tree.
MAF: With a grunt, he decided being anymore careful would be a waste of time, before he eagerly went forth, marching with Destiny in hand for the red glow, hoping to claim the possible treasure.
Tass: There was a crack inside of the hollow, through which Hank could see red. He'd have to figure out a way to split the wood open if he wanted to get at whatever it was, however.
MAF: "Hmph," he grunted, before aiming his boomer barrel at the crack, aiming to blow a hole in the tree to clear a path to the red glow.
Tass: Boom! That portion of the tree exploded, shattering outwards and bombarding Hank with rotten splinters of wood. When the smoke cleared, he could see the remnants of a large red stone, now shattered by the blast from the strongest barrel of Destiny. (Hank has acquired a destroyed darkbrain. Effectively three darkhearts.)
MAF: "Shit. There goes market value." Hank shrugged, not too bothered as he collected the remains.
Tass: Hank collected the remnants of the destroyed treasure, and was then free to do as he liked, either to continue on or to go back to Acheron. He hadn't gotten to kill anything yet though.
MAF: "I'm startin' to get fuckin' bored." Hank voiced aloud. "What the hell is killin' things before I have a chance to kill em? Population control's my duty, ya bastards." he complained as he looked for prey on the way back to Acheron.
Tass: Hank found no prey on his way back to Acheron, and the city walls were within sight shortly.
MAF: Hank stopped. Hank looked at the city walls. Hank looked at the lack of things to murder. Before the guards, he suddenly screamed aloud. "I'M FUCKIN' BOOOORED"
Tass: A few guards looked his way when Hank shouted about being bored, but most of them went back to their business immediately while the nearest called out; "Then come in and get drunk!"
MAF: "I did that last fuckin' time and I was robbed by a giant pair of titties! I ain't got no beer money!"
Tass: "Well then get a job!"
MAF: "KILLIN'S MY BUSINESS AND BUSINESS AIN'T FUCKIN' GOOD! Show some fuckin' respect to the murder economy!"
Tass: "Then go find something to kill yah bum!"
MAF: "How 'bout I kill you!?"
Tass: "How bout you go fuck off into the woods instead, and not get picked apart by a dozen snipers when you try to raise a weapon at me?"
MAF: "You want a piece of me you little shit!? Come on down and say that to my face, mano el mano! Yeah, that's what I thought! Pussy!"
"LITTLE PUSSYYYYY"
Tass: "Piss off yah wanker, I'm on duty!"
MAF: "What a convenient excuse! What next? You'll have a tummy ache? Momma's callin'!? Crawl back in the pussy you were shat out of, you're too green!"
Tass: "Still on duty pissant! Keep shouting at me, go ahead. I'll wait until I'm off duty, and then I'll shoot you in the nuts from up here."
MAF: "You couldn't hit a pickle in a pickle barrel, scrub!"
Tass: "You wanna bet your life on that?"
MAF: "I bet I can outshoot you, bitch!"
Tass: "Then sit there for the next six hours."
MAF: "Six hours!? God damn you are a bitch. Don't break the rules, timmy! Or else you won't go to heavan!"
Tass: "Some of us take our responsibilities seriously. We who have them, presumably unlike you!"
MAF: "One of these days, I'm gonna shit on your face while you're sleepin. I hope you don't sleep with your mouth open!"
Tass: "Uh huh, sure buddy."
MAF: Hank let out a sigh. "That was fun." he said to himself, before walking towards the town. "But I'm bored again... Shit."
Tass: Hank was allowed entrance back into Acheron without having killed anything.