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THE NEW ULMF SHITPOSTING THREAD! SHITPOST TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.


Re: THE NEW ULMF SHITPOSTING THREAD! SHITPOST TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

What happens in Canada, stays in Canada...
 
Re: THE NEW ULMF SHITPOSTING THREAD! SHITPOST TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

ece03d8ac184ef7fa3e5f5b9b52f6ec0aeb5a0379bb94c90cbe749c5d7c134e2.jpg
 
Re: THE NEW ULMF SHITPOSTING THREAD! SHITPOST TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

Shit, I'd read that.

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Re: THE NEW ULMF SHITPOSTING THREAD! SHITPOST TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

wonder if the author did field research?

b5fef8f185d95cc64ca2786cf9faa4e9.png
 
Re: THE NEW ULMF SHITPOSTING THREAD! SHITPOST TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

Fun fact, bear dick would and has killed people.
 
Re: THE NEW ULMF SHITPOSTING THREAD! SHITPOST TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

You guys must be talking about this here bear right?
I'll agree that dick's been fucking up everyone with taxes and what not, even killed tin men.

latest




Also unrelated note since I don't want to spam (Edited this here part) even if it's a shitpost thread, I can finally post this.

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Re: THE NEW ULMF SHITPOSTING THREAD! SHITPOST TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

Byzantine2014 said:
....how do you know that and why do I believe you o_o
Click to expand...
I found the book Bear ages ago, and in looking to see if it was actually real found...
AngleBoi7 said:
Articles about people trying?
Click to expand...

Articals about a zookeeper who was raped to death by bear dick... so close enough.
 
Re: THE NEW ULMF SHITPOSTING THREAD! SHITPOST TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

My only concern is that who let Lucifina out? Also the fact you know this, is frightening.
 
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Re: THE NEW ULMF SHITPOSTING THREAD! SHITPOST TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

Think there's a song about who did...

Don't think I want to know more, but where is that zoo? So I know where to never ever go. :p
 
Re: THE NEW ULMF SHITPOSTING THREAD! SHITPOST TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

Lucifina said:
Articals about a zookeeper who was raped to death by bear dick... so close enough.
Click to expand...

Was it recorded though? Please tell me they got it on tape.
 
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Re: THE NEW ULMF SHITPOSTING THREAD! SHITPOST TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

Lucifina said:
I found the book Bear ages ago, and in looking to see if it was actually real found...


Articals about a zookeeper who was raped to death by bear dick... so close enough.
Click to expand...

I used my blackbelt google-fu and found the article, it's a fake from a satiric magazine called "the ONION"

Bear Attacks, Rapes Zookeeper

Here's a little dog-bites-man tale I couldn't resist! Except replace "dog" with "850-pound black bear"! And "bites" with "anally violate"!

Yes, last Saturday a zookeeper at the Metropolitan Zoo had "claws" for alarm when he was attacked and raped by the same black bear he had raised from a cub! Geez, talk about gratitude!

"It was horrible, just horrible, " sobbed an eyewitness. Guess she sure got an eyeful!

The bear, named "Barry", " attacked zookeeper Ron Gilks as Gilks entered the cage to give him dinner. Barry lunged at his throat, goring him with his huge claws and razor-sharp teeth. Some of the claw marks were three-quarters of an inch deep. Ouch!

Then, astonished onlookers could "bearly" believe what happened next--Barry began to brutally rape zookeeper Gilks!

Frantic zookeepers rushed for rifles as others tried to divert the bear. But there was no stopping Barry! This bear kept "bearing down, " and Gilks just had to grin and "bear" it! Maybe Barry was mistaking him for his "honey"!

Barry's 27-inch phallus, armed with guard hairs as sharp as red-hot needles, shot through Gilks' rectum, shattered his lower spine and skewered his colon, causing his entire lower torso to "cave" in! Yikes! Bet that wasn't the type of "cave" you had in mind when you took up zookeeping, Mr. Gilks!

And can you imagine Gilks' surprise when Barry's putrid ursine semen flooded his ruptured chest cavity? (By the way, Mr. Gilks, whatever cologne you've been wearing, where can the public get some?)

Finally, zookeeper Eric Pulliam shot Barry with a tranquilizer gun and pulled Gilks from the cage. The unconscious bear was later destroyed. Hey, this "Yogi" made a major "Boo-Boo"!

"I have worked with dangerous animals before, " zoo director Kate Donegal said. "But never have I seen any animal sexually assault a human being." "Barry"? Try "Scary"!

Meanwhile, Gilks was pronounced dead at an area hospital--but at least he died grinning and bearing it! No doubt, this episode gives new meaning to the term, "Do not feed the bears!
 
Re: THE NEW ULMF SHITPOSTING THREAD! SHITPOST TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

stone147 said:
I used my blackbelt google-fu and found the article, it's a fake from a satiric magazine called "the ONION"

Bear Attacks, Rapes Zookeeper

Here's a little dog-bites-man tale I couldn't resist! Except replace "dog" with "850-pound black bear"! And "bites" with "anally violate"!

Yes, last Saturday a zookeeper at the Metropolitan Zoo had "claws" for alarm when he was attacked and raped by the same black bear he had raised from a cub! Geez, talk about gratitude!

"It was horrible, just horrible, " sobbed an eyewitness. Guess she sure got an eyeful!

The bear, named "Barry", " attacked zookeeper Ron Gilks as Gilks entered the cage to give him dinner. Barry lunged at his throat, goring him with his huge claws and razor-sharp teeth. Some of the claw marks were three-quarters of an inch deep. Ouch!

Then, astonished onlookers could "bearly" believe what happened next--Barry began to brutally rape zookeeper Gilks!

Frantic zookeepers rushed for rifles as others tried to divert the bear. But there was no stopping Barry! This bear kept "bearing down, " and Gilks just had to grin and "bear" it! Maybe Barry was mistaking him for his "honey"!

Barry's 27-inch phallus, armed with guard hairs as sharp as red-hot needles, shot through Gilks' rectum, shattered his lower spine and skewered his colon, causing his entire lower torso to "cave" in! Yikes! Bet that wasn't the type of "cave" you had in mind when you took up zookeeping, Mr. Gilks!

And can you imagine Gilks' surprise when Barry's putrid ursine semen flooded his ruptured chest cavity? (By the way, Mr. Gilks, whatever cologne you've been wearing, where can the public get some?)

Finally, zookeeper Eric Pulliam shot Barry with a tranquilizer gun and pulled Gilks from the cage. The unconscious bear was later destroyed. Hey, this "Yogi" made a major "Boo-Boo"!

"I have worked with dangerous animals before, " zoo director Kate Donegal said. "But never have I seen any animal sexually assault a human being." "Barry"? Try "Scary"!

Meanwhile, Gilks was pronounced dead at an area hospital--but at least he died grinning and bearing it! No doubt, this episode gives new meaning to the term, "Do not feed the bears!
Click to expand...

I should've figured it was The Onion.
bummer-man.jpg
 
Re: THE NEW ULMF SHITPOSTING THREAD! SHITPOST TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

stone147 said:
I used my blackbelt google-fu and found the article, it's a fake from a satiric magazine called "the ONION"
Click to expand...

Look at what your fact checking has done, is disapointment and despair what you wanted to leave in your wake?
 
Re: THE NEW ULMF SHITPOSTING THREAD! SHITPOST TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

It's the shitposting thread
It's always going to be a disappointment
 
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