Joke thread!

[Chibichibi]

So, we have hates, giddy, warms and fuzzies... and a little wtf.

But I want a place to post funnies. To post things that we think will get rolling in the aisle laughs or even just a chuckle!

I'll start off with two Physics jokes.

So Schrodinger and Heisenberg are driving down the road, and Heisenberg says: Hey, I think you just ran over a cat. And Schrodinger says: Is he dead? And Heisenberg says, get this: I can't be certain.

Heisenberg and Schrödinger are driving in a car and they get pulled over. The police officer asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg says, “Well, not really but I can tell you exactly where I was.”

The officer thinks that this peculiar response is grounds for a search, and he finds a dead cat in the trunk, and he says, “Do you guys know that there’s a dead cat in your trunk?” and Schrödinger says, “Well, I do now!”

 

[Nunu]

Re: Joke thread!

Really? you all want to hear some of nunu's jokes? I'm so happy.

let me just get prepared.

 

[ToxicShock]

Re: Joke thread!

Really? you all want to hear some of nunu's jokes? I'm so happy.

let me just get prepared.

 

[lurker]

Re: Joke thread!

Two men walk into a bar, a third one ducks.

...ya, that was rubbish.

 

[Zelzar]

Re: Joke thread!

A man went to the doctor to get a double dose of Viagra but his request was denied.

"Why can't I have a double dose?" the man asked.

"It's not safe," the doctor replied.

"But I need it really bad," the man explained. "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, one of my exes will be here on Saturday, and my wife is coming home on Sunday."

"Okay, I'll give it to you," the doctor relented."But you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check to see if there are any side effects.

"On Monday the man dragged himself into the doctor's office with his right arm in a sling.

The doctor asked, "What happened to you?"

The man said, "No one showed up."

 

[Obsidious]

Re: Joke thread!

Ok now is probably like the tenth time I opened this thread just to see this goddam popcorn.gif again...

 

[Nunu]

Re: Joke thread!

I'll start with some of my classics for those of you who missed them:


Where does a werewolf live?

Spoiler

In a warehouse

What did the ocean say to the beach when it was time to leave?

Spoiler

Nothing, it just waved.

Why did the triceratops devour a factory?

Spoiler

Because its a plant eater

Why does the mermaid wear seashells?

Spoiler

Because the B shells were to small.

 

[Obsidious]

Re: Joke thread!

These are some of the worst jokes I've ever come across.

Oh well...

What is yellow and can't swim?

Spoiler

A digger.
Why?

Spoiler

It has only one arm.

 

[Arala Cran]

Re: Joke thread!

Oh, well sorry if mine sucks but here's a Gods Eater joke I came up based of two of the game's bosses:

What do you get when you cross a Gorbo-Gorbo with a Quadriga?
The answer: "FISH-Tank"

 

[Minerve]

Re: Joke thread!

Oh, well sorry if mine sucks but here's a Gods Eater joke I came up based of two of the game's bosses:

What do you get when you cross a Gorbo-Gorbo with a Quadriga?
The answer: "FISH-Tank"

Andrea Arnold's movie?

 

[Nunu]

Re: Joke thread!

What is a dogs favorite trade?

Spoiler

Roofing

 

[handofdoz]

Re: Joke thread!

two men are discussing popular trends in sex and marriage when one man asks the other " i didn't have sex with my wife before i married her, did you?", and the other man responds "i don't know, what was her maiden name."

 

[Kusanagi]

Re: Joke thread!

Before we go too far, I believe this is appropriate for the thread:

You must be registered to see the links

 

[Iggy]

Re: Joke thread!

You know, going to the movies is like hiring a stripper. Sometimes you get your mind blown, but mostly you're left with disappointment.

 

[Kusanagi]

Re: Joke thread!

Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?

Spoiler

Someone told him to get a long little doggy.

 

[Nunu]

Re: Joke thread!

You must be registered to see the links

 

[Hopeyouguess62]

Re: Joke thread!

A husband and wife are laying in bed one night. The wife turns to the husband and says, "Honey, will you still love me when I get old, and fat, and ugly?"

The husband, without hesitation, looks her in the eye and says, "Yes, I do."


Why should you never buy a watch for your wife?

Because the oven's already got a clock on it.

 

[Nunu]

Re: Joke thread!

What city doesn't have any people?

Spoiler

Electricity

Disclaimer: the following joke has caused load groans the world over.

Why was the triceratops promoted to management?

Spoiler

because he had a three point plan

 

[Paladox]

Re: Joke thread!

I actually found the triceratops joke amusing. Sex jokes, fart jokes, and nasty jokes are all overrated IMO.

 

[handofdoz]

Re: Joke thread!

I actually found the triceratops joke amusing. Sex jokes, fart jokes, and nasty jokes are all overrated IMO.

god i wish i had a joke that combined all three.