Hello, fellow fish fuckers. I, as well as I assume many of you, have had issues figuring out what the hell you have to do in this game to get some quality piscine pussy. Worry not; I will do everything in my power to guide you through the main story. (Note that this was done with minimal translation, so any and all story bits are slightly embellished)
Quest 1:
First things first: Once you acquaint yourself with the controls, you'll want to talk to that long-haired dart-chuffer. He'll hand you your rod and send you on your way to single handedly double the ocean's biomass. A few things to note: hair-man acts as your quest-giver, giving you a list of fish to catch and progressing the story as you do so. Quests are his third dialogue option. Additionally, you'll need different rods for different environments; what works in the sea won't work in the river. This will be relevant later. For your first quest, you’ll need two fish: a red snapper and a flounder. The red snapper is easy enough; it can be caught on the pier and needs no bells or whistles to acquire. (Note: you’ll have to catch two fish. You spend your first catch literally pounding tuna, and you can only acquire an actual item your second time). The flounder, however, is a coquettish little minx. To acquire her you’ll need to go to the fishing company/assassin’s guild, which is the one with the black cloth draped over it. Head on up to the head-honcho (who looks suspiciously like Ezio) and agree to whack some poor motherfucker in exchange for a fishing license. Your target is the old man at the foot of the shrine, which is on the north-side of town. Threaten to beat him to death with a horse mackerel, which will cause him to piss his pants and flee into the shrine proper. Give chase and find him praying for salvation. In a last ditch effort, he’ll attempt to bribe you with a coupon for a free DQ Blizzard. Not one to pass up a good deal, you accept his bribe and head back to Ezio, claim you completed the job, and acquire your license. Head on over to the reef on the west side of town and catch yourself a flounder. Report back to hair-man and get ready for quest 2.
Quest 2:
Your goal this time is but a single fish: a bluefin tuna. Head over to eastern rice paddies, smack that funny kung-fu man from Fortnite, and go jump the old man at the grave. Tell him you’ll send him to visit whoever he’s mourning if he doesn’t take you along into the open sea. He obliges, and you can ship off right beneath the fishing guild. Fish off the stern off the ship (that’s the backside for all you landlubbers) and get your tuna. (An aside: You can also fish up a great white shark on the boat that has what appears to be a nazi-style armband, a revelation so funny that I almost stopped masturbating. Almost.)
Quest 3:
Again, your goal here is a single fish, this time a medaka. There’s not much to this one, but you’ll have to acquire a 2000 smackaroo river rod from the tackle shop in order to complete this commission. If you already have enough dosh from smacking the local wildlife and selling fish, great; head on over to the river by the rice paddies and fish up a medaka. You’ll know you’ve acquired one when it feels like you just committed a felony. For those low on dough: fear not. I’ve got some tips for you. What you’ll need to do is go to the general goods store and buy the 30 yen cookies. Buy a few, if possible. Scarf down those bad boys and get a cum-stained trading card. You’ll want one with a power level of 6 or higher if possible. Challenge a woman on the right side of the shrine and an old man in the aquarium parking lot, select your newfound holographic Charizard, and clean them out. You should now have enough to fund your one man crusade against the Fish and Wildlife Service, at least for now.
Quest 4:
Your targets are deceptively simple this time around: a black bass and a carp. The path to the lake where they’re found, however, is blocked off by the wretched proletariat, demanding “fair pay” and the “right to unionize”. Ugh. Yuck. Anywho, you’ve a literal bigger fish to fry: the swordfish. Chit-chat with Ezio back at the fishing guild and remark that you’ll fuck any fish, no matter how deadly. Equal parts disturbed and intrigued, he’ll send you back to the captain. (Note: I had the tier 2 rod from the fish and tackle shop by this point. I’m not sure if it’s required, but consider purchasing it. If you’re low on money again, consider selling off excess fish and going back for more tuna. They sell for 1500 a pop, meaning you’ll only need 4 and whatever detritus you’ve nabbed thus far to purchase the rod). The captain, fearful of your courage and monstrous protruding erection, takes you out to sea once more. If the seas are all choppy, then it’s boss time, baby! Fish off the bow (front) of the ship and best the swordfish. The captain, gobsmacked by what you did to that poor animal, takes you back ashore. He offers you a blow-up doll in an effort to slake your thirst for poontang, but alas, the effort is wasted. The stinky proles have dispersed upon hearing the news that the dreaded cloaca consumer (you) was headed in their direction. Hair-man will congratulate you on your deviancy and hand you the lake rod, letting you fish in this area. However, you’ve still got some trials and tribulations ahead of you. Head up to the northmost lakeside residence and barge on in. Speak to the bara beefcake and listen to the tragic tale of how he lost his favorite jelqing tissue. Overcome by emotion, rush back to town and search for it. You’ll find a tomboy loitering around just south of the shrine’s entrance. Tell her that you’ll smoke some peyote with her if she helps you find a cumrag. Intrigued, she agrees on the condition that you hand over the 80 yen option from the general store. You both partake of the good shit, triggering a shared vision of ice-pops. She leaves, satisfied, and puts in a good word with the salesman located at the town’s east exit. Purchase a glove from the gentlemen (you wouldn’t want another man’s seed all over your hands, would you?) and go to the tree next to where the tomboy once stood. Retrieve the rag and hand it over to its rightful owner. Overjoyed, he hands you a comically large bucket, which you can use at the lake’s pier to reach the other side. The carp can be caught in the southern portion of the lake, whereas the black bass can be acquired near the cafe up north. (Note: Before you leave, head east of the cafe area. You’ll learn an ability that lets you set up camps that you can then teleport to from your base.)
Quest 5:
Your targets this time are… I don’t actually know. Some regional Japanese fish that I’ve never seen before. Regardless, it’s still your job to fuck them! Head on over to the west of the lake and send Ryu home to be a family man. From there, feel free to stroll around and throw hands with some monkeys just like God intended. You can actually nab one of the necessary fish here by fishing next to the dumb broad near the fish & tackle. You may have noticed a lake shrine on your way across the lake, and it’s time to bust it open and fuck its inhabitants into submission. Head on back to the shrine in the starting town and eavesdrop on the pair dressed in black. They’ll lament how they spent all the shrine funds on hookers and blow, and that they left their buddy somewhere to vomit his guts out. You decide that this is a perfect blackmail opportunity and head back to the lake in order to find their hungover companion west of the cafe. Sodomize him with a big black bass, throw him into the lake, and return to the shrine to frame the duo for murder. Desperate to stay out of jail, they throw a festival in your honor to appease you. Cum inside a goldfish and high-tail it before the authorities catch up with you. Before you go, however, pick up the 1200 option from the general store for later. Head to the lake shrine and commit the highest form of heresy. Once you turn a local god into a semen-stained mess, return to the mountain and clap Ryu one last time before ascending to the peak. The tengu, delighted to find a pupil as dedicated to blasphemy as himself, offers to teach you how to jump good in exchange for the fat doinks you purchased earlier. After rolling a spliff, he gives you the ability to jump on wind currents. Use this newfound ability to ascend the waterfall and obtain the second requisite fish.
Quest 6:
You have but one task: Find God. Remarkably, this is by far the easiest quest. Simply head on down to the harbor and let the story unfold. Once you get a taste of literal angelic pussy, congratulations! You’ve beaten the main story and unlocked all the areas. Now take your time leisurely fishing around and acquire more babes, perhaps even fill out the aquarium. World’s your oyster.
