Ingame history of ULMF and the Internet

Mar 28, 2009
As the game sets off, we find our heroes nearing a climatic final battle with a fearsome foe. However, in order to understand how we got here, we’re going to need to go back some…

Years in the past – and very many of them, at that – the addbots first appeared. No one is quite sure how, or why, or even by whom, all that is really known is that they were largely ignored. People had seen hordes of all-consuming robots before and they all had weaknesses that allowed them to be stopped without too much trouble.
The addbots did not.
They were allowed to grow out of hand, and by the time anyone tried to fight them, they were all but unstoppable. Not even a combination of the most powerful armies and the greatest alien fleets were able to turn the tide of the battle; by the time they brought their weapons to bear the addbots were unstoppable. All the races of the Internet could do was watch, and flee from their inevitable destruction… or what would be an inevitable destruction if it were not for the fact that the addbots are so frickin slow, taking days to get anywhere since they keep converting everything as they go, while everyone had an infinite amount of Internet to flee to.

For people in a world doomed to destruction, on one is really all that worried despite the slowly expending, galaxy-wide circle of addbots in the middle of the Internet. Travel to places on the other side of the addbots, without having to take the long path around, or going beyond the atmosphere to fly over without risk, is achieved mainly through a system of portals called Links, set into the very fabric of the Internet, with each portal given a very specific address that must be inputted to reach that portal. The addbots either can’t, won’t, or don’t know how to use these portals, as well as, thankfully enough, any other portal in existence – which is about the only reason the Internet was not totally taken over by addbots before now.

Among many other strange and varied groups trying to make it in this odd world of constant-but-unimportant oncoming extinction, was ULMF. ULMF was not unlike many other forums in most ways, but the ways in which it was different were quite important.
The society of ULMF had no prejudices against Fantasy beings, figuring them friendly until proven otherwise, which drew a large number of said Fantasy beings to the otherwise humble forum. On top of this is their acceptance of the sexual; tentacle beasts walk – or, well, move down the streets openly, and anything short or dismemberment and actual rape is viewed as a legitimate and normal fetish – the way most others view nurses. You are more likely to be considered weird for strict monogamy than you are for polygamy (and you aren’t even going to be considered that weird for monogamy either), and sex is spoken of in a fairly open manner – and yet, despite this, this forum is not a hive of scum and villainy as one would expect such a place to be.
Indeed, the most remarkable thing about ULMF is that, despite its differences, it still manages to be exactly like any other forum in all other regards – a place to raise your kids, and without any more chance than any other forum that they’d be raped while living there.

This all stems from the forum’s origin. ULMF was initially formed by a collection of ‘Village Perverts’ from around the Internet, banding together around the ‘works of LineMarvel’, various creations of the enigmatic man’s that appealed to the prurient interest. This group not only grew, it formed a culture of its own, highly accepting of differences thanks in no small part to the experiences of its people before coming to the forum.

As the forum, and its wonders grew, however, so too did those who wished it malintent. By harbouring both the perverse and the monstrous, many groups and individuals passionately condemned the forum. On top of them came the violent, the desperate, and the just downright Evil, seeking glory and treasure through the destruction of the new forum. The final layer came with the discontent; those who cursed LineMarvel for his absence or harboured resentment for perceived slights against them from the ULMF government or populace. This, in and f itself, was nothing particularly interesting; most every forum developed an anti-sentiment toward it eventually. ULMF would not have had such a problem with it, leading the forum’s history down an entirely different path, were it not for one man.

Supermeme saw that these malcontents could be used, and rallied them as one; stirring them up, inciting their destructive desires toward the forum through sheer personal charisma and careful manipulation. Though those attributes were not what the people of ULMF would come to know him for, Supermeme was quite experienced in the field of rousing and stoking the hateful passion in people. And so, from the lurkers on the fringe of ULMF, came an army that would soon be called by the same name, with Supermeme at its head.

However, for all that Supermeme could control people, his ability to control a battle was far from par. While the Lurkers occupied the forum through sheer mass and surprise, the members fought back with a guerrilla campaign that eventually saw the Lurkers large but ragtag army forced into a stalemate; and the motivations that had brought the group together began quickly falling apart under the ULMFer’s attacks.

Desperate, Supermeme found and attacked what he believed to be the last bastion of the members, in the sewers, only to find one member present, next to an unusual device. A device that was detonated beneath the foundations of the forum, long before Supermeme had the chance to contemplate it. The remaining Lurkers and ULMFers alike fled their collapsing forum, taking a Link to a rally point they had set up close to the addbot lines, due to the unlikelyness of any Lurkers finding it there before the plan could be completed.
Unaware, they were followed by one Lurker captain and the soldiers he had managed to save.

The ULMF members, in their Tentacle Haven, began pulling themselves back together and fighting off the addbots, while the Lurkers left over attacked them stealthily, now being led by someone apparently more competent than Supermeme had been. Some of the forum left before the small, scouting edge groups of addbots set up a device that disabled the forum’s links, preventing escape, while the addbots themselves had the city surrounded… but most were unable or unwilling to and were left behind.
There was no longer any way to get out of the city alive.

The Lurkers tactics changed around the same time, not trying to attack or ransack strategic targets, but going for scientific buildings and doing nothing but copying research, even leaving the inhabitants alive when possible. The ULMFers faced many trials at the hands of all the addbot weaponry that could be thrown at them, slowly losing to the endless horde. Then, when the full mass of the addbots finally reached the forum – an endless sea of grey stretching across what seemed to be all of the horizon on the side of the city they approached from – the Lurkers revealed they had constructed a teleporter uninhibited by the addbots’ jammer, and needed only a little longer to get it in usable order.
Recognising the greater problem, the forum and Lurkers fought together against the addbots, buying enough time to activate the device. Not one Lurker was seen by members going through the portal, and most assume them all dead… Though a few correctly guess that the Lurkers had again escaped destruction.

The ULMF refugees found themselves again in a new, already constructed and empty forum, which they re-named ULMF, despite LM himself having most likely perished in either of their forum wars, having not been seen since the first one. ULMF stabilised, and the inhabitants returned to having much the same life as they had two forums ago, though with a lingering prejudice against Lurkers and bots (not that it was hard to be prejudiced against the latter). They engaged in minor feuds with the nearby Toonpimp’s forum, typically either ULMFers demanding something be done about the unfair way their forum members were treated, or Toonpimp’s members demanding ULMF acknowledges their founder’s greatness, or at least stop blaspheming against his name, damn it! However, these feuds have only resulted in small skirmishes at the worst of times.

After a few years, though, bots were spotted gathering near the forum. These were not the addbots that had attacked the second forum, however, but lesser, if still dangerous creatures created by an unknown hand.
The forum attacked the structures that they were coming from. The ‘buildings’ were revealed to be the dormant spaceships of a race of humanoid aliens called Wraith, and had recently become active. The Wraith and bot servants took the hives to the sky and began to attack the net, gathering humans for food. One wraith hive attacked and did a bit of damage to ULMF’s infrastructure before being taken down.

The Lurkers, after having spent the time hiding, growing and planning, reappeared in ULMF shortly after the Wraith attack and attempted to take the forum’s best military team hostage, and was almost but not quite successful. After a tense standoff, the Lurkers retreated and approached the forum for a truce in a more normal, less Evil fashion (they had been trying to kidnap the forum soldiers so that they had a bargaining advantage when forming the truce… if you believe what they say).

Around the same time, a wraith hive attacked and totally destroyed Toonpimp’s forum. Toonpimp himself was nowhere to be found, and most of his surviving forum members were rescued, oddly enough, by the Lurkers. Toonpimp’s absence would prove to be a veiled forewarning of what was to come.

The forum infiltrated one crashed hive, shot down by an unknown source, only to find it under attack from another, strange set of creatures; zombies and mutants, and piles of leeches taking the shape of humanoids. It was later discovered that these creatures were made by Toonpimp, who had created a virus to spread around the net, turning all people into mindless mutant folowers and granting him ultimate power. He had also found Supermeme, and used the former enemy of ULMF as a test for the viral weapon, granting him even greater power than when he was leading the Lurkers.

Realising this, ULMF’s military sent their best people to the location of Toonpimp’s palace, discovered by the Brotherhood of Nod, who helped after being called in by an ULMFer with ties to them, deciding the threat posed by Toonpimp to run counter to their own goals.
While the Brotherhood lay siege to the palace, ULMF’s best group of soldiers, accompanied by the “Lurker diplomat”, Host, headed to infiltrate the palace and have a final confrontation with Toonpimp and Supermeme… as for what happens next, well, read the thread or join the game to find out. ;)

As a bonus, here's a bit of information on some of the characters and groups in the game. Nothing that you probably wouldn't figure out while playing, but nice to know nonetheless.

Aika: The well-known and well loved first co-ruler of ULMF. Has a distinct everyman feel about him which makes him beloved to the people, but do not underestimate him – he led ULMF through both of its wars. People refer to him as President Aika, and while he himself doesn’t care whether you use the title or not, a good number of ULMFers are so devoted to him that they will become annoyed if you don’t use it when in his presence. The same people started bowing or kneeling in greeting, and that also has stuck as something ULMFers expect you to do in their president’s presence – despite the fact that Aika himself finds it awkward. He mainly runs the forum’s civil aspects, but also relays military orders.

Nunu: ULMF’s rulership’s more mysterious half. If you can see Nunu, there is a good chance you are already dead. Mainly runs the forum’s military, as well as overseeing their intelligence networks. Rumoured to run some sort of ULMF shadow ops.

Host: Reptillan demon covered in black scales. Aika apparently both knows and is somewhat afraid of him. Was apparently a Lurker from the first forum war and currently acts as their diplomat towards the forum. May have a greater role in the Lurker command structure than he lets on. (Few people even know he exists, let alone the previous facts.)

The Lurkers: The Lurkers have changed greatly in the time since the first war. The survivors have become a well trained force of elite soldiers that make use of every possible advantage to achieve their goals. What their goals are, and what their plans are regarding ULMF, only they know…

Burrito: commander of ULMF’s special squad, comprised of varied, but ultimately effective, solders. A cyborg whose only remaining true flesh is his brain. Armed to the teeth – fairly literally – and has connections to the Brotherhood of Nod. Semi-effective as a commander, but rash.

Siphon: Second in command of ULMF’s special squad. Presumed deceased.

Supermeme: Former Lurker leader, current science experiment. Incredibly powerful, if brutish. Appears to have gone somewhat mad.

Supersonic: Former right-hand man of Supermeme. Lacks the social manipulation skills of Supermeme, but has unparalleled speed.
Last edited: