RPG RPG Maker [justbobted] Maverick's Manor

[justbobted]

Maverick's Manor

Story:
Long ago, Ruth's mother created a list of the worst monsters, humans
and otherworldly being. She took it on herself to rid the world of everything
on the list. Sadly, she met a grim fate before she could. Now Ruth continues her
mother's work.
With only twenty-one names left on the list, she arrives at Maverick's Manor.
Soon she will have to conquer Maverick's sick game or else fall to the many
dangers that lay inside.

About the game:
This is a prologue to a larger story, that sets up the character and the world
of games to come. There is no combat, but the game is split up into 5 wings,
each with their own puzzles. The wings can be done in any order and the dialogue is different throughout each depending on the number completed.

Images and Screenshots:
imgur. com/a/86xhQ
Edit: Better?
imgur .com/GIdDWfg

Demo: Edit
Try #2: This is the game folder and not a single exe.
mega .nz/#!z8VSgZ5Q!MY8grtUd1DSf7jri77g6uuENHZIX1Xvj6xhLsnIYQxQ
Notes:
-This is my first commercial h-game, I've made plenty for personal play. I do
make sfw games as my primary work. Also, some of my first drawing work, but that is improving.
-Let me know if the second part of the basement is too laggy, it involves a
lot of events. If it is a problem, I can redo it to a basic maze.
-This game is made with MV, so if you are just here to trash the engine, don't
waste your time.
-The game will be submitted to the dlsite later this week and will be available on itch. 5 cgs in total and is a shortish game. Base price would only be 3-4 dollars, more on dlsite for obvious reasons.
-Thanks for checking it out and I'd love to hear feedback, constructive
criticism, what you like and didn't like about it. Hope you enjoy ^_^.

Edit: Thanks for the feedback, I'm going to spend a little while redoing the images and such. In the meantime, I won't be on here as much, but some thoughts about the game itself would be awesome. Also, if the mods feel like this needs to go to under construction that is fine, it will be a few weeks before I'm done with the images anyway.

 

[Jeb!]

Re: Maverick's Manor

No offense. But the fact that you want actual MONEY for this kind of work is really really unbelievable.
Check your art and check the art of some teen.
The actual Game design apart from the awful writing is extremely mediocre and a lot worse than the usual created games here.
The main problem is the shitty art though. There is no incentive to even play this game if the drawings make you laugh instead and kill your boner in 2 seconds. This is like a parody of an actual H-game. Even the fucking trees look retarded. Why do i notice that the trees look awful??? Why??? How bad can you a draw a tree that people notice the flaws with it in an HRPG?!?!?
You should seriously stop trying and actually go for the parody approach and try to make it funny.
I can barely see a sliver of hope..... BARELY.

If you created many games for personal play you already made a huge mistake because people couldn't give you any feedback. You yourself seem to be quite mistaken about the quality of your games.

Sorry for being actually honest but this is really not acceptable.
This won't sell at all and if it does it might qualify as fraud. Don't imagine success you need to be told the truth, this is such a fail and it really amazes me that YOU can't see that for yourself.
Release it for free and ask people to give you as much feedback as possible and WORK YOUR ASS OFF, starting with the art and then after 2-3 more games with slow improvements, try to actually sell a game and aim for 20 sold copies.

One positive thing I can say about it is the fact that you are not whoring yourself out on Patreon and are being honest about your intentions. I really respect that.

Good luck in the future.

 

[colasCageNi]

Re: Maverick's Manor

No offense. But the fact that you want actual MONEY for this kind of work is really really unbelievable.
Check your art and check the art of some teen.
The actual Game design apart from the awful writing is extremely mediocre and a lot worse than the usual created games here.
The main problem is the shitty art though. There is no incentive to even play this game if the drawings make you laugh instead and kill your boner in 2 seconds. This is like a parody of an actual H-game. Even the fucking trees look retarded. Why do i notice that the trees look awful??? Why??? How bad can you a draw a tree that people notice the flaws with it in an HRPG?!?!?
You should seriously stop trying and actually go for the parody approach and try to make it funny.
I can barely see a sliver of hope..... BARELY.

If you created many games for personal play you already made a huge mistake because people couldn't give you any feedback. You yourself seem to be quite mistaken about the quality of your games.

Sorry for being actually honest but this is really not acceptable.
This won't sell at all and if it does it might qualify as fraud. Don't imagine success you need to be told the truth, this is such a fail and it really amazes me that YOU can't see that for yourself.
Release it for free and ask people to give you as much feedback as possible and WORK YOUR ASS OFF, starting with the art and then after 2-3 more games with slow improvements, try to actually sell a game and aim for 20 sold copies.

One positive thing I can say about it is the fact that you are not whoring yourself out on Patreon and are being honest about your intentions. I really respect that.

Good luck in the future.

Lmao. I absolutely agree but so many people here don't even mind how bad the art can be. I just don't understand. I mean it's close to stick figures with tits when it comes to quality. Maybe it's the writing? Personally i don't care for this... really.
Anyway have fun getting bad reputation just like me.

 

[EggsBenedict]

Re: Maverick's Manor

This type of art is generally seen in freeware. That isn't to say that you can't and shouldn't be paid for your work but in terms of pornographic games I suspect that majority of the people will want a better art style than what is on offer here before they pay.

I suggest you don't place this on DLSite yet. Perhaps give it some more time. You want your first submission to be as good as possible to get the best first impressions.

 

[justbobted]

Re: Maverick's Manor

You two won't be getting any bed rep from me. I can more than understand
your points. Like I said before, I'm an amateur artist. This is not put up to
sell millions of copies, just 10-20 to justify the time. Being brutally honest does
not bother me, I have a few games on steam so I've had much worse from
trolls lol. I'm practicing art in the little free time I have, but in order to improve
or get into anything, you have to actually dive in like I'm doing here. Thanks
for the feedback . Sorry it is not up to your expectations, but I'll work on it
and improve what I can for the time being.

 

[Mistix]

Re: Maverick's Manor

Hummm...
This reminds me of those swissmade games. I wonder...

 

[alias34]

Re: Maverick's Manor

I'll give you credit for not going with generic 3D-Models and trying your hand on drawing yourself.
But... Yeah. That art needs a LOOOOOOOOOT of work. No offense mate.

 

[srankstrum]

Re: Maverick's Manor

This is only going off the preview images you posted, but I really don't think this game will sell more than 10 copies, and that's being generous. The art quality is awful, and that is the main reason why people bother buying H-games. If someone sees the preview CGs, they are going to skip your game guaranteed unless they're morbidly curious and don't mind wasting however much you plan to charge for this.

 

[EggsBenedict]

Re: Maverick's Manor

First of all, thanks for the feedback. Second, how
is this touch up? Better or still as bad?

You must be registered to see the links

I embed the image and reply to your PM here so others can provide feedback also. I am hardly an artist nor art critique since I was in high school years ago.

Well, I see a little bit of shading in the skin that is decent. My issues are that unfortunately it looks cheap as a whole.

I recommend having transparent or solid backgrounds without the need for background objects such as trees. Alternatively use stock images and layer them.

The tentacles needs work. Some tentacles can have different widths along it but most of the time you want it to look similar in width and only change as needed for perception. I also recommend less tentacles. Enough to get the point across but not enough that it hides the rest of the body.

The character is probably the only decent part of it. First of all, I recommend a new nose. She looks like a relative of Usopp from One Piece and once I see it I can't stop staring. The head, neck and ear looks... Odd. I can't describe it. Maybe it is a proportion issue or perhaps angular or shading or something. It looks uncanny. The lips are not sexy. The eye is a bit flat. The hair looks a bit like a wig that is sliding to the front leaving nothing at the back.
The image looks flat. This isn't really due to the shading, more due to the body language and image. The position is boring. Her facial reaction or lack of any reaction to be honest makes it worse. She doesn't even look alive. She doesn't look like she is struggling nor given up nor enjoying it... nothing. I recommend trying for a different shot, something that shows some curves of her body and use tentacles more creatively, show it pulling on a breast or pushing into the flesh or even twisting and contorting her body into sexy positions.

Other things I guess I should point out is that your lines are not clean. There is clear and distracting aliasing. The breasts have obvious different shapes that are not obviously due to being violated making the character look... malformed once you notice. There are distracting unclean pixels, mostly white around the place. These things scream amateur and needs should be cleaned before showing but it is less of a concern when it is just a concept image.

Head to a hentai site that has tags and search tentacles for inspiration on different angle shots. There are plenty of hentai out there that is free. We aren't going to pay for boring amateur stuff unless we feel it has some kind of potential. At this point it is good that you are asking for feedback but you got a ways to go yet. Good luck.

 

[justbobted]

Re: Maverick's Manor

At last some feedback I can work with . Some of the points I've already addressed in a second touch up but I might just scrap the whole pic and start
over.This also pointed out a few things I had not noticed too. Thanks again ^_^.

 

[YummyTiger]

Re: Maverick's Manor

Hey Justbobted!

First, don't be disheartened. Getting starting in drawing hentai can be quite challenging. Even though a few replies have been harsh, they do have a point. If you can't fap to the pictures, it kind of defeats the purpose, unless the game is just simply amazing. In which case, the pictures should be removed because they might be detracting not contributing.

Anyways, I had some free time in the past hour, so I figured I throw my 2 cents in. Here is my limited take on your art. CAVEAT: I am just an amateur as well. So, my advice might be wrong, poor, whatever.

To start with, the proportions seem off. You might want to Google human body proportions and start there. Lots of good, free tutorial images out there.

Here is my quick take. Note, it is not a perfect match for a couple reasons. First, I left out the tentacles sucking on her nipples to 1) illustrate the difference skin shine can make, and 2) You should let people see at least one nipple, in my opinion. It is always erotic to see. Have one tentacles sucking and the second hover ready to plunge in.

Also, I just went with a quick, simply hair front so I could get it done quickly. Same for the tentacle in the mouth. I wanted to illustrate a simple mouth, without lips.

Here is a more in-depth description of some of the drawing tricks I've learned. Take from them what you will.

Anyways, hope that helps some. Ask any questions, and don't be discouraged. The more you draw, the more you will improve. I promise!

YT

 

[EggsBenedict]

Re: Maverick's Manor

Anyways, I had some free time in the past hour, so I figured I throw my 2 cents in.
YT

You had an hour and you spent it it helping an aspiring noob instead of slaving away working on the free game for us? Its like I want to bad rep you but also good rep you at the same time.

 

[azurezero]

Re: Maverick's Manor

Hey Justbobted!

First, don't be disheartened. Getting starting in drawing hentai can be quite challenging. Even though a few replies have been harsh, they do have a point. If you can't fap to the pictures, it kind of defeats the purpose, unless the game is just simply amazing. In which case, the pictures should be removed because they might be detracting not contributing.

Anyways, I had some free time in the past hour, so I figured I throw my 2 cents in. Here is my limited take on your art. CAVEAT: I am just an amateur as well. So, my advice might be wrong, poor, whatever.

To start with, the proportions seem off. You might want to Google human body proportions and start there. Lots of good, free tutorial images out there.

Here is my quick take. Note, it is not a perfect match for a couple reasons. First, I left out the tentacles sucking on her nipples to 1) illustrate the difference skin shine can make, and 2) You should let people see at least one nipple, in my opinion. It is always erotic to see. Have one tentacles sucking and the second hover ready to plunge in.

Also, I just went with a quick, simply hair front so I could get it done quickly. Same for the tentacle in the mouth. I wanted to illustrate a simple mouth, without lips.

Here is a more in-depth description of some of the drawing tricks I've learned. Take from them what you will.

Anyways, hope that helps some. Ask any questions, and don't be discouraged. The more you draw, the more you will improve. I promise!

YT

this is actually really cute...

 

[Xil]

Re: Maverick's Manor

You had an hour and you spent it it helping an aspiring noob instead of slaving away working on the free game for us? Its like I want to bad rep you but also good rep you at the same time.

An hour of free time and a year later we have another good artist in our community.