Lurker Wars (Story Only)


Tentacle Goddess of the H-Section
Staff member
Super Moderator
Nov 10, 2008
Re: Lurker Wars (Story Only)

Time passed rapidly as the ex-Lurkers set up a secure route from the make-shift base of the Regulars to the bar. All over the city, soldiers were scurrying about, scavenging weapons and supplies from buildings and bodies. Wooden walls were put up between alleys as an alert for whether Lurkers were attacking.

I checked my watch, which told me it had been about two hours since Gatorbait and I reached the Chatroom bar, or so it seemed to be called. With all the Lurkers, the sign was partially destroyed and we were stuck with putting our money on this place, hoping it was the right area. We turned the building inside and out, taking what we needed. I’m sure the Regulars wouldn’t mind. After all, they left this place alone, so they probably thought some ex-Lurkers would need supplies at some point. Aside from my Lugar, I pilfered myself a lovely assault rifle. I wasn’t too sure of the name, at least until Gator told me it was something called an FN F2000 or something like that. She’s a pretty smart cookie, that girl. The gun was in a room owned by a guy named Bob. Must’ve been a pseudonym or something. I doubt a member of an elite group of soldiers would call himself Bob.

Gator found herself a fun-looking gun; a really good conditioned M4A1. She said there were a lot of attachments for it too. It seems like she took the liberty of adding a scope, and under barrel grenade launcher and shotgun. She said it was from Momiji’s room. Memories of him and Obeliskos rampaging streamed through my head. I chuckled himself. Though it wasn’t actually funny what they said, the reactions they were able to garner was amusing in itself. I wondered how he would react to a missing gun.

I stirred Gator and myself a drink to pass the time. And while I hadn’t even brought the cup to my mouth, she had already gulped down half the mug. I couldn’t help but stare blankly at how mesmerizing the chugging was.

“So.. Uh. How long do you think we’re gonna have to wait for someone to arrive?’
“Not sure, but we’re gonna need more drinks at this rate,” and she gave me a smile.

As if right on time, the door bursted open and ex-Lurkers began to surround me. Figures that life would want to kick me in the nuts again. They immediately rushed for Gator, drew her back, then trained their rifles on me. Not even taking the time to say a word, they motioned their guns for me to raise my hands. It took a few seconds before I realized what was wrong.
“Oh.. Right.. I’m still wearing a Lurker uniform…”

There were ten of them in total. Four of them had me surrounded, two of them were outside, and four more were already upstairs, finding supplies. I probably could’ve just declared my desertion to them, but seeing as how I happened to have been decorated with various medals and such, they probably would’ve recognized a high ranking Lurker. The higher the rank, the more loyal they were to the cause.

They definitely didn’t seem to be well trained in firearms, as expected for a resistance group. They only wished to be left alone, and tnow they’re here struggling to learn how to disassemble a simple handgun. In some ways it was almost funny to see people who had no combat experience try to shoot at you, only to fail miserably. Like a bad realty television show, if I’ve ever seen one.

But at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pity for the ex-Lurkers. They were up against creatures that were trained to slaughter their whole lives. No doubt anybody would have at least given up. But instead they took up arms and tried to adapt. They faced an entire army of mindless killers for the sake of living.

I really couldn’t have picked a worse time to zone out. The ex-Lurkers slowly moving closer to me and I needed to act now. I figured that if they didn’t have much firearms training, it was probably safe to assume they couldn’t hold their own in hand-to-hand combat either. I did a mental coin flip in my head and the result made me smile.

For a while now, I’d been holding back to conserve energy and bullets. But now that I had restocked and rejuvenated, I was feeling pretty blood hungry. These four guys were going to be my new friends for the next fifteen minutes.


It was certainly a good feeling when you get the ball rolling. The fact that Ryu and I were able to find Squad 13 was pretty lucky, but being able to completely organize and mobilize the entire army of ex-Lurkers was music to my ears. Once in a while, I’d hide in the shadows and wait for some particularly timid-looking soldier to busily pass by before I’d eerily tap their shoulder or breathe on their neck. Of course, I really did have work to do, but I was never one who would leave unfinished business undone. After all, I am a moderator.

After having my fill of mischief, I decided to actually listen to the suggestions of my comrades and went through the pockets of the dead Lurkers like a rat. Especially since we apparently took down several members of the Elites. Good soldiers meant good loot. I found myself getting a little excited.

As I made my way to the makeshift tent where they kept the bodies, one of my most favorite people in the world came out, Chibi, came out looking quite content.

“Oh! Nunu, you’ll never believe how much nice stuff those Elites have! Look at this!”

Chibi held up what seemed to be some sort of hunk of sharp metal. There wasn’t a single spot where a person could hold it without hurting themselves and I had to question whether she could even use that.

“A bladed boomerang? Aren’t boomerangs supposed to be… Light?”

“Normally yeah, but this one isn’t supposed to come back. It’s just supposed to be thrown like a shuriken. But think about this: What if I tied this to an arrow? I’ve been having trouble trying to figure out how to cut limbs off with a bow without switching to crossbows. Now with this, I can definitely do some damage!” her enthusiasm was refreshing, to say the least.

Waving her good-bye, I pushed the curtain away and entered the tent. When the curtain swung back down to cover the entrance, all traces of light disappeared from the outside and the only source of light remaining was a single flickering table lamp next to an ex-Lurker taking notes on a clipboard. Bodies mutilated in all different ways were laying on dissection tables and some were even split wide open, with a jar of organs right next to it. The place was cold, creepy, and extremely morbid. I felt right at home.

“I hear you have some goodies for me?” I asked in a childish voice.

The ex-Lurker looked up from his work and stood at attention. He studied my face, as if trying to decipher what gender I was. This was going to be fun.

“Uh, right away sir, er.. Ma’am.”

“Excuse me?” I said, clearing my throat.

“I-uh… Are you here for a boomerang as well?”

“Was that an Australian joke? I didn’t find that funny at all.”

“S-sir, I didn’t mean it that way! See, that woman came in and took one of the boomerangs an-”

“Are you calling me a woman now? Who in the world taught you manners?”

“S-sir, forgive me, sir! I just couldn’t tell!”

“Are you saying I look too manly then?” It was almost as easy as making Darkfire clean my toilet.

“Wait, but aren’t you a man?”

“I’ve just about had it with your attitude. You don’t seem to remember who your ranking officers are, do you?”

“P-please si- I mean ma’am-”


Now came to silence. I mentally kept count of the seconds that passed for maximum dramatic effect. “I believe I have no choice but to simply let you go,”

“W-what do you mean, s-sir?”

I swiftly drew my Dotanuki and pretended to slash at him, stopping just barely at his neck. “I’m quite certain you know what I mean,”

By now, the man’s started to cry. Not exactly as planned. I guess I took it too far again. I couldn’t exactly break out of character though, so I kept my face strong and my tone harsh. “Unless of course…”

I lifted the blade so it pointed upwards and held the handle out for him to grab. “You have something here that’s even better than this blade. I’ve grown a bit out of this and I’m hoping you’ll be able to get me more deadly.” Wiping his tears, the soldiers took the blade and disappeared into a crate of weapons, no doubt the spoils of war.

He seemed to be struggling to bring my weapon to me. I wasn’t even sure if I could use it effectively myself. However once the blade came into clear view, I grinned.

“A nodachi? These guys have some pretty unique things with them. You have some good taste, so I guess I can let it slide this time,” Without another word, I grabbed the blade by its sheath and left the tent without looking back or saying thank you. I could practically see the trooper still shaking slightly, but breathing a sigh of relief. I don’t remember ever flaunting my position like that, but… Sometimes it’s good to be a moderator.


“You remember that one time we took a couple paint cans and started painting all the buildings in the forum?” Obeliskos asked me. My eyebrows narrowed in confusion.

“… What?”

“You know, we had like five of the Regs chasing us all over the place before they finally caught us and made us clean it up.”

“Are you sure you aren’t thinking of a shitty ninja anime?”

“Hah. You faggot. You WOULD immediately think of that, wouldn’t you?”

“You’re the one who brought it up, dickweed!”

“It’s a suicidal insult! I take a little flak, but you look like a total jackass now!”

“Wha- Why would you even-?!”

My conversation was cut short by the sound of a distant explosion. We had been sitting on a pile of debris a little ways from the base. The problem was, we figured we had a little more time before the battle began and only brought sidearms with us. Obe stood and quickly jumped to a higher rock to get a better look at where the explosion was.

“It’s pretty close. I’d say about a quarter mile away. We gotta get out. Now.” He didn’t have to tell me twice. I took my sidearm, a 1911 pistol, out of its holster and began a mad dash to the base. Obe, the bright individual, decided he wouldn’t even bring his Mauser with him. Now he was armed with only a knife. Idiot.

As the base began to peak at the horizon, a building to the right of us exploded, knocking us off our feet. We scrambled to our feet to face the cause.

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