Oh, hey Haseo, are you ever going to put out the stills to Around the World in 80 Lays Part 2? I was kind of in the middle of photoshopping them into a strip.
Also, does anyone like the MNF MMO? I logged on twice. The first time I created a male character, did the two mini games and then yelled in chat until someone explained how I was supposed to level up. As you can imagine, there is an overabundance of dudes on there and finding a female that was up for a "questing party" was difficult. That's when I made the obvious (and foolhardy) decision to make a female character. "If you have to bang other players to level up and there's a ton of males, I bet I could rack up the exp with a female character!" I thought.
DON'T DO THIS!!! The reason why it's no big deal to play a female Night Elf in WOW is because most players in the game are not trying to fuck you! I was in game as my cute Asian/Elf chick for 0.0026 seconds before I got propositioned. Just as I thought, gaining exp as a female character was going to be cake...
...and then the other player started talking dirty to me in the chat box. FML, you can't ignore some babbling asshole telling you all the things he wants to do to your asshole when you're watching a cartoon character you brought into existence getting rammed from behind by his character. I felt dirty and used, like a hooker getting paid in Monopoly money. Then it hit me... the guy on the other end of the connection was probably jerking off to me. In fact, there is no doubt about it, because he typed out an ETA to ejaculation into the chat box as fast as his free hand could string the keys together. Gosh dammit, I can't do this! Making one's avatar fuck another real-live person's avatar is right on that line of adultery, and I am not crossing that line for some strange dude jerkin' his gherkin during a break from power-leveling an Orc DeathKnight. I had to disconnect, lost exp be damned! I like to think that creepy dude in the chat box immediately threw up his moisturizer-encrusted hands, screamed "how the fuck will I cum now?!" and then found Jesus and devoted his life to charity, but it's probably more likely that he tabbed over to Pornhub and finished off to the first 5 minutes of Bible Black or some of that mind-boggling shit from Lilith-soft.
But I digress. Seriously, MNFClub, you need a fucking campaign mode, alright. There isn't anybody subscribing to your porn games because they want to play-fuck another person. The title character from My Stepmom is a Porn Star was an unholy humonculus that shat in the face of physics/human decency and nested within the uncanny valley of atrocity. Her tits were literally the size and consistency of crappy bean bag chairs from the dollar store and they seemed to change dimensions from scene to scene. Anyone who got off on her bouncing atop that buzz-cut stoner has crossed into a realm where the words of another intelligent lifeform is only a distraction from their unbridled hedonism. Just let us fuck your cartoon creations with custom-made avatars until we level up to Sexomancer Supreme-levels, and then make us party up to slay raid bosses like Mizuki and Nancy Boobitch and the mom from Dexter's laboratory (everyone wants to fuck that red-haired, apron-wearing whore). That's all we really want. And for heaven's sake, tell Vadim to take a chill pill. The next game he puts out is just going to be some nerdy kid with an impossible schlong fucking one, gargantuan tit. (If that's the next award-winning idea, you all owe me big time!)
Whoo! Time for another beer!
