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To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)


Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan: HP = 120/120, PP = 45/45, EP = 85/85, Status = Fine, Armor at 26/50 TP

NPC Stats
Samarta: HP = 54, PP = 67, EP = 67, Status = Fine, Pregnant
Inka: HP = 51, PP = 61, EP = 44, Status = Fine
Rebecca: A coon. A fluffy fluffy coon.
Orgrosh: HP = 97, PP = 49, EP = 72, Status = Fine
Sarah: Fine
Cory: Pregnant
Rhep: HP = 99 PP = 43 EP = 44, Status = Pregnant

Presumably talking to Ashloriel and not Cory, Bakan would receive a nod from his adoptive mother. "Yes... Come, sit. This shouldn't take long," she said, taking him to a pleasant little table near where Inka was sitting. Everyone else was wandering off, Samarta and Inka to a sunny corner of the garden, Rhep to a shady one, and most everyone else inside. Only Selenia remained nearby, seemingly idly pacing around the garden and looking at the flowers that Dove's servants kept while Ashloriel sat across from Bakan at a small table with an umbrella over it.

"This shouldn't hurt," she said softly as she gestured for him to place his hand on the table. She put hers over his, palm down and brushing against his palm or the back of his hand depending on how he'd done it. "You shouldn't really feel much of anything really... Just be still and relax a moment," she said with a reassuring smile, though what she'd said wasn't entirely true. He felt her touch, always a reassurance in its own way, and all too soon he felt the delicate brush of her presence, of her spirit touching his own. The loving presence of the angel's mind and soul reaching out to brush against his own, an instant balm all its own.

Safety, peace, and relaxation eased across Bakan in every imaginable respect, as if she was wrapped around his back like when he was a child and still young enough to share her bed. She closed her iridescent blue eyes just as they began to glow softly, and for a few moments Bakan felt her warm presence all around him, like he was being smothered in Ashloriel, before it receded slowly until it was but a ghost of its former presence. "Hrm," she murmured thoughtfully, "your soul is... Changing." She seemed to struggle for words for a moment, her brow furrowed, before explaining; "It seems to be adapting, changing into something resembling one of ours... I can't say for certain, but I believe it to be caused by the trace exposure you had to the native corruption of... Your original home."

She seemed especially troubled by that, and fell silent for a few moments before going on to explain; "It isn't dangerous, but it is... Troubling. Matthias scrubbed that magic from you completely, but it seems to have changed you partially even as a child, and its true effects are only manifesting now. You are developing... New abilities. The power to see, both the past and the future, among other things. It isn't all there yet, but you should start getting more of it soon. Please, if you ever feel distressed by it, call upon me!" Her voice took an imploring tone, "it isn't like your first set of abilities... The calling, or your healing, or your wall. Some mortals, and even some of my kin, are driven mad by such abilities. I will help you learn to understand them, to use them rather than to let them use you. The first thing you must know though... Is that anything you see, any visions you have... They aren't certain, aren't set in stone. The future is malleable so long as you believe it to be so, and I think your... Problems might stem somewhat from not understanding that. Your fear, your feelings of powerlessness... They're only feelings, Bakan, and feelings, no matter how strong, aren't always right. You mustn't give in to despair when things are hard, there is always a way to avoid suffering!"
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan nodded at her request to follow, sitting down patiently with her, all smiles as it were. It was actually rather nice, following behind her. Suffice it to say his eyes studied her in every intimate detail. He still felt guilty for it, but the amount of lust he had for Ashloriel was legendary. So to let it be satisfied just with that was only done through sheer willpower. Led over to a table, Bakan sat down, wondering why Selenia was here in all this mess while deciding it was the best time to ask her if she was the one he saw naked when he was younger. Something that started him down this path of darkness. That'd have to wait as Ashloriel asked for his hand. "Of course!" Bakan replied enthusiastically, offering his hand willingly, and sheepishly as well. His face was deep red as her hand came towards his upwards palm. Just the thought of her touching his hand threatened to send Bakan into erotic overload. His heart was beating so hard he wondered if it'd explode in his chest and kill him on the spot. Given almost every fetish he had seemed connected to Ashloriel in some way, it's no wonder that Bakan was being so crazy now that the ideal woman was soon touching her tender skin against his own. The sheer softness of her flesh made Bakan stunned with wonder.

Despite all she likely does, her touch was like this. So nice, so wonderful. It made Bakan wonder what else of her was soft. Her cheeks? Her back? Her belly? Her thighs? Oh, how he wondered how silky smooth her legs were. Her lips, curled into that smile, were no doubt so wonderful that a single kiss and his heart would belong to her forever. In fact, there were so many unfaithful thoughts in his head right now just from touching her hand! It's a good thing he had absolutely no chance with her though, because Cory would probably never ever forgive him for being unable to help but pursue what he felt in his heart to be his true love. It's so unfair that what his heart desires most shall never grace him with equal affection. Like a dream over the horizon, she's so beautiful and enthralling, but never shall he ever find reality in it.

So enthralled indeed, that Bakan didn't notice his wings were pink again.

He just let himself be taken away. As Ashloriel let her soul envelop his own, Bakan's head lowered as his eyes closed as well, as if falling asleep or falling into some kind of trance. 'What's this?' Bakan wondered, as a mental image formed of him curled up, as he often was when he was young, but now fully grown. Feeling Ashloriel get closer, he wondered if it was real or just a creation of his mind. But when the feeling became more intense, Bakan knew it was the real deal. Wings, arms and all, Bakan felt as if Ashloriel gently wrapped him in her embrace, while he simply looked up at her with sheepish, sleepy eyes. A goddess. She had to be a goddess. 'I've missed this... So much.' Bakan said, nestling into her as she wrapped him. It was as if all the problems in his world ceased to exist in that moment. This was perfection, this was all he could ever want and more. 'Please, let this last forever. I wouldn't mind. No afterlife could contest an eternity of this.' he whispered into the depths of his mind. 'Why do dreams have to just be dreams? Why can't I wake up and have this be reality?' he wondered, before picturing a mental image of Ashloriel in his mind. Accompanied by the soft and gentle sensations she brought, he pictured them in a happy embrace, holding each other close as their chins rested on each others shoulders. As he felt Ashloriel pulling away, so did her phantom, stepping back slowly, and shaking her head as if it wasn't meant to be. His hands lifted, trying to stay connected with her own, trying to pull her back. The phantom image of Ashloriel grinned, before reaching forth...

Her eyes went dark, a familiar shade of black, before gripping his throat, and pressing her thumb painfully hard into his adam's apple, blood filling his mouth as she pressed so hard he wondered if she'd pop it. 'Because you don't deserve it.' She declared.

Bakan's eyes shot open with a start, his other hand, not the one holding Ashloriel's, went to hold his throat. There was no blood, no signs of attack, but he'd swear up and down he still felt her thumb crushing his throat. No, not her. More accurately, he was crushing his own throat.

Her explanation followed, causing Bakan to go into a bit of alarm. "I'm... I'm becoming... Like you? I truly am?" Bakan questioned. He already pondered that being the case, but Bakan had wondered if he'd seen the worst of it. If that was the end... Apparently not. "I-I-I'm becoming some kind of... Some kind of neo angel?" he inquired. "How is that even possible? There's no way I can just... Become an angel. If I'm a fake one, why does it have to be so real?" he wondered. Then, panic began to set in. "What if I turn? Is that part of it too!?" Bakan wondered. It was real, he knew it was. Whatever that true insanity was. The madness that whispered sweet desire into his ear. To let all inhibitions go and unleash the beast within. "What if it gets worse? Ashloriel I killed an alraune who surrendered while surrendering to it for just an instant! She was innocent! I killed her in cold blood..." Bakan said, thinking back to the scene, still horrified by it. The horrifying mess he made, the bits of the Alraune's head still on his hammer. It almost made him vomit right there. Not because it was grotesque exactly... But because he was the sculptor of such a horrible scene. "What if I need to be put down... What if I'm just some kind of mutant just waiting to hurt those close to me!" he began to sink into a bit of hysteria. Ever since the first change, madness seeps in so easily. However, there was one sanctuary of sanity it'd never touch. Bakan focused on Ashloriel, and before she could take measures to silence him, he bowed his head, and took her palm, putting it to his forehead.

He focused. He emptied his mind, and filled it with thoughts of her, using her soft hand as a catalyst. After just a moment, he opened his eyes with pure white wings, as white as her own. "Whenever I was scared. Whenever I thought the worst when I was young." Bakan uttered before letting her hand down, and focusing on her with a most thankful smile.

"You were my bastion. You protected me in both body and mind. And you still do~" Bakan said happily. "Without you, I wouldn't exist. I'd have long died or just been consumed by the madness of what I have seen. My record for longest I've gone without crying about what happened before I met you is... About two months. From childhood to adult hood... I can't erase it from my mind..." he said, crying tears again as the warped faces his decapitated mother and father's heads glared at him with that deathly stare once more, rolling along the ground in a morbid fashion. Faces once happy and loving, destroyed and distorted. "When you left me... I sometimes wondered when I'd break... Or if I was already broken... Ha, ha, ha..." he laughed nervously, as if finding some kind of dark humor in that. "I guess I've done surprisingly well, in light of all that. You'd almost think none of that was happening!" he laughed again. "But I'm fine now! Once I have a chance to talk with you, I calm down. Just like when I was a child. Remember? How I'd cry, and sob, and call out my brother's name. What a baby I was... And... What a baby I still am, I guess." he said with a sigh.

He didn't understand the business with his soul, what it meant, or what it would mean. All he knew was that he had one more thing to mention to his companions at some point or another. There was no way someone like him would ever reach the pipe dream of a fake angel becoming a fake archangel. So it was only a matter of time before 'it' won. Before Bakan would fall completely to madness. Calmly, he decided to ask someone to be the one to put him down when he did. Peacefully (for once), Bakan accepted the grim nature of his soul, and his foreseeable demise. He just wondered if it was a matter of time. He knew what he had to accomplish. To see things right in this world, and then go find his brother. Then, may he rest in peace.
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan: HP = 120/120, PP = 45/45, EP = 85/85, Status = Fine, Armor at 26/50 TP

NPC Stats
Samarta: HP = 54, PP = 67, EP = 67, Status = Fine, Pregnant
Inka: HP = 51, PP = 61, EP = 44, Status = Fine
Rebecca: A coon. A fluffy fluffy coon.
Orgrosh: HP = 97, PP = 49, EP = 72, Status = Fine
Sarah: Fine
Cory: Pregnant
Rhep: HP = 99 PP = 43 EP = 44, Status = Pregnant

Ashloriel seemed surprised when Bakan's hand shot to his neck, finding no sign of injury despite his horrible vision. Still, she continued with her explanation, and when it was given she let out a soft sigh and smiled indulgently at him. "Something like me certainly, though perhaps not exactly," she replied pleasantly, "you are... Unique. I've never heard of a human's mutation and spiritual powers simultaneously trying to replicate our own. I can't say for certain what will happen, what you will become." She reached out and took his hand between her fingers again, drawing it down onto the table and holding it between her soft fingers as he began to voice his worries.

"Bakan," she whispered his name softly, "you must listen." With her help, he calmed, and his angelic mother listened through his admission that she had been his source of calm back in his youth and beyond. She frowned at his self deprecation, her fingers squeezing more tightly around his own, but as he finished her look became more pensive. "Bakan... My son... You have suffered so much, in so short a life. I am sorry that your life took the path that it did, that you have had to see what you have, live through so many tragedies... But... You aren't as weak as you think."

Ashloriel leaned forward, almost as if moving to kiss him, but she stopped much too far away, her eyes locking onto his. "What you fear so... I will do my best to keep that from happening. I will be your strength, but in truth... The strength must be found within yourself. When one of my kind... Our kind falls, it is because they give up. On their morals, on the struggle, on helping others. They come to shirk their responsibility in favor of their own interests. In your case, it seems that you risk falling when you give in to your pain. You mustn't!" Her fingers squeezed softly around his hand, "ultimately, you must choose. As a mortal man, your decisions are purely your own to make. I would not wish our life upon you, and you unlike so many of my kind can have a life... A life of joy, instead of eternal war. You have friends, family, those you care for and who care for you to support you. I am lucky enough to be among them, and ultimately... I wish to help you find peace, with yourself and with your past. To do that though... You must find faith in yourself! I cannot tell you how to live your life, or what choices you need to make for yourself. You can do what is right, you've done it before, you just need to believe. You will make mistakes - everybody does - but what makes a person strong isn't never making such mistakes, but how they persevere past them."

The angel fell silent, her face seemingly glowing with light, and then suddenly Bakan felt like he was floating. The unreality of it allowed him to immediately recognize another hallucination, or perhaps a vision. He saw Ashloriel, the closest thing he'd had to a mother in years, leaning forward, her lips parting... And meeting his as he leaned to meet her. His vision flashed, and they were lying together again, bare flesh against bare flesh. Her fingers dragged across his chest as they kissed passionately, her voluptuous body lying on top of his. He felt them graze down over his scarred body, between his legs, giving his shaft a few slow, sensual strokes before guiding his tip against her petals, parting them slowly as her heavenly warmth surrounded him. His vision flashed again, just as pure ecstasy was flooding through him, and saw Ashloriel with her robe left to pool around her waist, leaving her torso bare. Her belly was round, and at her full breast suckled a winged child... Their child.

His vision flashed again, and suddenly he was at the table in Dove's inner garden again, Ashloriel sitting across from him, blushing and looking surprised. "Uhm..." She seemed oddly flustered, and didn't quite meet his gaze for a moment as she seemingly gathered herself, clearing her throat awkwardly. The round mounds of her breasts were straining slightly against her robe, letting him see a pair of pronounced hardened points at their peaks. "You... Won't break down. I believe in you," she said slowly, "I believe that you have the strength to protect those you care for... To make the world better even as me and mine cannot. I believe... And you should too. I think, eventually, you will, once you have found the strength that I know dwells within you." She gave his hand one more squeeze before taking one of hers away, giving him the opportunity to pull away from the other if he so desired, but not immediately doing so herself.
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Ashloriel's words, as usual, helped Guide and calm Bakan as he accepted every word without fail. He nodded, trying to believe that he was indeed not as weak as he thought. However, there was one point he was simply compelled to disagree with. "Ashloriel... Nonsense. I'd gladly suffer anything with you. If I am indeed becoming an angel of some kind, I wouldn't mind at all. I'd gladly seek to help you shoulder that burden... The most unbearable thing I can think of, is the thought that I can do nothing to help you through any suffering you endure. The thought that... I'm too mortal to understand nor do anything about it. Why should you have had to raise me, and I not do anything to repay you? I won't accept it. I'll become an angel if it puts me that much closer to you." That last line came from the pure honesty of his heart. It stabbed him a little though, knowing he had Cory who loved him when he said that. Still, it was the truth.

That's when the vision came... Bakan was afraid this image of Ashloriel would attack again. However, she didn't. Instead, she leaned towards him, meeting his lips in a passionate kiss. The sheer act sent a massive shock through Bakan's mind. Unthinkable!!! Ashloriel was... What was she, exactly? How did she feel? Why was he seeing this? He was trying to repress it. Yet this was only fueling his love for her. The next scene, of flesh against flesh, the sensation of her soft and pure body on top of his own overwhelming his senses, beyond words. Unable to be described. 'This can't be my future? Impossible.' Bakan refused it outright. It was nothing but lies. It couldn't be true... Though, the final vision came. Bakan wondered how much it'd assault his resistance. Though such thoughts faded when he saw Ashloriel cradling a baby... Their baby... What even was the meaning of this? It was unfair, it was cruel. Tears began to flow from his eyes even though he tried to convince himself it was fake. But he wasn't sad. The baby was beautiful. Just like her mother. Such pretty wings. It was so precious... Bakan, deep down, wanted to cherish that child. He wanted to raise it strong, and shelter it from the evils of the world. Bakan was overwhelmed with emotion, such that...

When the vision faded, a higher aroused Ashloriel would look to the streaming face of Bakan, wet with a large amount of tears, which dripped occasionally from his chin. His face was even redder than hers, his wings bright and shining pink as his heart raced from all that he saw. His eyes stared at the table as Ashloriel found difficulty in knowing where to look. "My father and mother... Told me my brother and I were the most beautiful twins when we were born. L-like little angels..." Bakan began to tremble as suppressed memories flooded back. Not the bad ones, thankfully, but the good ones. Shoved away when he tried to forget everything, and failed. His chest quivered, and the tears wouldn't stop as dozens of years of denying the existence of a young Bakan ever existing slowly began to unfold. A wonderful past, wonderful memories, ruined by the blood and the fire. "If I'm having a child... I can't die, there's no way I can submit to a terrible fate! I won't let what happened to me happen to any child of mine!" Bakan wasn't sure if he was talking about his baby with Cory, or the yet unmade baby with Ashloriel. "I will be there to smile, and be a good f-father..." Bakan began to crack up in his hysteria as he began to think of his father when he was still living, smiling and being the same funny goofball his son tries to be to stay happy. His real father. And his real mother. Though, if Ashloriel was worried she was losing him again, Bakan looked up with a smile.

"They... Were such good parents..." Bakan said, as Ashloriel would be finding this was the first time he talked about his parents other than the fact that they died horribly, and the scene of their warped faces by their decapitated corpses. "My father used to sow together hand-made puppets to entertain me and my brother. There was nothing else to do in the forest but entertain each other. It was like our own little purgatory away from the rest of the world. No matter what, no matter how hard he worked to bring in food, he stayed up late, lost sleep... He wanted his boys to have the best life ever..." He declared, quivering, and smiling. His undershirt and armor was soaked as the tears ran down. "We laughed, having no idea that such hard effort went into just a small gesture to entertain us. To keep us smiling and innocent. I wish so much that I could see them again!" Bakan cried out the truth of how much he missed his true mother and father. As if regressing back to the child that knew them, he cried like a child. "Momma... Pappa.... I'm okay, I'm not crying. I'm happy." He said, talking to the parents that could never hear him again since that day as if they were there. "I've got the best people in the world looking after me right now." he said, looking to Ashloriel. His wings turned a shade of bright blue, like the sky. Bakan felt like he was lighter than air. "Thank you so much, for everything you've done..." Bakan said, as if in a prayer. "Thank you, mother... Father... I'll keep smiling for you. I'm sure that was your dying wish." Bakan concluded.

After that, Bakan seemed to be over it. Seeing the child of him and Ashloriel made him realize that Ashloriel's words were true. There were so many reasons to beat this, whatever it was that was happening to him. "I'll become an angel... No, I'll become the most real archangel I can be. I will find my greater purpose that my real father and mother wanted me to have. I will find true happiness, and share it with others. I'll be just like my goofy old dad!" Bakan declared with a wide and calm smile. "I'm not going to cry about it anymore. I'm done. People die, that's just the way things are. I'm going to do my best with the life before me. I can't save the world, but that's absurd anyway. I can save as many people as I can, however. And maybe, I'll be able to stop this war. Just maybe." he declared. "I'll be the best angel out there, I'll make all of my parents proud. You, Matthias, and my mom and pop in the next life. When my wings turn gold, I'll let you know right away!" he declared to Ashloriel. "Even though, I know I might fail. I might fall. That's okay. Even if I do, know that I have saved people. I've prevented evils in this world. I've done good. So, despite the bad things that can happen to us, we have to do the good we can do. Don't sweat the worry, the sadness, or any of that. So, without regrets, I can say this without holding back any more. I want to say it, before it might be too late to say it."

"I love you, Ashloriel. I love you with all my heart. You're every reason that I haven't fallen and turned to madness. You're the reason I exist. Even though I know I cannot be loved in return, because of what I am, and what you are, I don't care, because it's true. That's it. If you're ever in danger, who knows? Maybe I will come and save you? And if I can't, I promise... I won't suffer. I won't fall. I will become an archangel and make you proud to have raised me as your orphan son. I will be strong for you, no matter what happens." he promised, before taking his hands away from the table, and away from her own hand if it was still there. Truth be told, acceptance of the barrier between him loving her and her loving him back was painful, but it was reality. But what also was reality was the fact that he didn't give a single fuck about the rules. He loved Ashloriel for too many reasons to count, and he's proud of himself for finally saying it to her. "Though I hope you won't mind if I continue to depend on you in the future?" he pondered, fairly certain Ashloriel's reaction would be to refuse his confession. He knew that such would be the end result. But he didn't mind. He always knew it, and it does hurt. However, it was the damned truth.
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan: HP = 120/120, PP = 45/45, EP = 85/85, Status = Fine, Armor at 26/50 TP

NPC Stats
Samarta: HP = 54, PP = 67, EP = 67, Status = Fine, Pregnant
Inka: HP = 51, PP = 61, EP = 44, Status = Fine
Rebecca: A coon. A fluffy fluffy coon.
Orgrosh: HP = 97, PP = 49, EP = 72, Status = Fine
Sarah: Fine
Cory: Pregnant
Rhep: HP = 99 PP = 43 EP = 44, Status = Pregnant

"Thank you, Bakan... I understand why you would offer such, and I appreciate the sentiment, but... It isn't about not understanding. It isn't your responsibility... And it shouldn't be," Ashloriel said warmly, "you needn't worry about repaying me! It was a gift to me to raise you, and to have known you. You don't need to deal with my problems to keep being close to me, not when you have so many of your own... Some of which being ones that my kin and I simply cannot help you with."

Thankfully, at least from her perspective, Bakan's descent into his happy childhood memories seemed a good enough distraction to get Ashloriel out of her aroused state. "You're right," she said approvingly after his proclamation about responsibility to his offspring, "you will make a good father, Bakan."

She fell silent as he began to talk about his parents for the first time, gently caressing his hand between her own. She didn't say anything as he began to speak to his parents, though they were long dead. "Bakan," she said his name softly, before he launched into his latest oath. She smiled, her expression purely proud and happy for his newfound resolve, and gave his hand one last squeeze before he pulled away even as her expression became a little sad.

"Cannot be loved in turn? Bakan, of course I love you!" she said, "even when you were a child, when I first came to know you... I tried to help you as best I could, even though I have never had a child of my own. Tried to help you recover from the pain that brought you into my care, to protect you from suffering any further... I know I haven't been as good a mother as I could have been, if I'd given you more attention, more training, more time... But I do love you. And I will until the end of my days, that I promise! Even if you fail, even if you fall... I will always be there for you." It seemed clear that she meant in a more platonic manner than a romantic one... Or was it? She was still a little flushed, a little flustered, but she didn't seem to be making it perfectly clear either way.

She smiled more jovially as he delivered his request, "you may call on me whenever you need me, my son! I would feel left out if you stopped depending on me~" With that, she would rise, still smiling. "I still have a little bit of time, would you like to do something for a while? Something that will help both of us ignore our stress for a while... If only a little bit," she suggested.
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan was surprised. He figured Ashloriel would be put off, but he didn't think she misunderstood for a minute. Bakan meant his love in such a way that it was as pure as could be. Sure, you could do anything with that love, but it was the kind of love Bakan considered to be of such magnitude that it had no requirements to be fulfilled. It wasn't greedy, a kind of love where he needed to lay with her lest it fade. It was a kind of love that would last forever. "I'm happy to hear that." Bakan said to her reply of him saying he loves her. "Don't worry, Ashloriel. With your blessing, I'll beat back the falling. Never have my eyes been more open than they are now. Your faith in me is what I needed." he said with a nod. "Wherever my parents are, I'm sure they're happy to have left me in your hands." he declared, before wiping his tears away.

With that, Bakan stood, offering his hand politely to Ashloriel to help her stand up, not that she needed the help. "What did you have in mind?" Bakan inquired with a smile. His face looked still weary from his travels and his sufferings, but his smile was like a light in the darkness. A bit of happiness amidst a tsunami of suffering. To Bakan, that was precious. And not only Ashloriel brought that happiness either. The others and their kindness brought their own happiness to keep him comfort, surely that was what kept him going.

(If Ashloriel had nothing in mind)
"Let's go for a walk together. We haven't done that in a while. I'll catch you up on all that's happened, how does that sound?"
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan: HP = 120/120, PP = 45/45, EP = 85/85, Status = Fine, Armor at 26/50 TP

NPC Stats
Samarta: HP = 54, PP = 67, EP = 67, Status = Fine, Pregnant
Inka: HP = 51, PP = 61, EP = 44, Status = Fine
Rebecca: A coon. A fluffy fluffy coon.
Orgrosh: HP = 97, PP = 49, EP = 72, Status = Fine
Sarah: Fine
Cory: Pregnant
Rhep: HP = 99 PP = 43 EP = 44, Status = Pregnant

"Oh... Nothing in particular really," the angel said absent mindedly, "why don't we take a walk through the gardens?" Her suggestion right in line with his own, Ashloriel would start on a leisurely stroll, the courtyard in which they'd been sitting and where Bakan had had his meeting not the only one on Dove's estate. The others were connected to this one by wide, short, arched hallways with frescoes painted along the curved walls, each with doors leading inside. The four main gardens seemed to form a diamond within Dove's sprawling estate, the artistic tunnels connecting each in sequence at the mid point of the square yards.

The gardens themselves seemed to follow a pattern as well, an outer square of path and a pattern of multiple patches of plants with circular paths. Beautifully arranged flowers of every size and color, all clearly well maintained and artfully arranged. There were a few other plants of more practical value, garden herbs of both the herbal and culinary variety arranged among the flowers, but the majority seemed to be for aesthetics. Several servants of both genders were seen walking tenderly among the flowers, caring for the plants in Dove's house garb, but they kept out of their way unless approached and seemed to only care to serve any needs they might have if approached.

Ashloriel walked with him, arm in arm, through those gardens, mentioning some of the names of the plants they passed and theorizing the hybridization of others for those she seemed not to recognize. Inka was sitting in a patch of grass among some flowers, her eyes closed and her lips spread in a wide, peaceful smile. Samarta was off on a different one, lying on her belly with her red chest wraps coiled at her side while she seemingly dozed in the sun. In a separate garden, they found Orgrosh in another square, training and seemingly sparring with Dove in hand to hand, who was... Not really doing all that well, though he at least seemed to be trying and performing passably. The man that Bakan had seen around Dove before was watching carefully, a frown on his grizzled face, but he only lurked in their background without interfering.

Bakan would be able to catch Ashloriel up in greater detail to the events in his life, if he so wished, and she would listen attentively to whatever he wished to tell her. He could just as easily keep the conversation casual, however, and ultimately the bend of their conversation was up to him.
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Walking with Ashloriel through the gardens, Bakan did his best to catch her up on all the events that transpired. Dove being the dragon born, Rebecca being a coon that was victimized by Scivicine. "Speaking of, do you know anything about that goddess? I'm probably going to end up summoning her... She's the one who did this and I promised Rebecca I'd get her returned to normal. I have so many questions for the goddess, like why she even did that to begin with? What did Rebecca do to deserve it when she seems so friendly?" Bakan stated his confusion. "All this does is make me worry that she is a cruel person who won't restore Rebecca, or will even take her anger out upon me! But I'm not too worried about the latter. I'm the son of Matthias! Fuck with me, and he'll punch her right in the gabba!" Bakan said with confidence.

Once he basically told Ashloriel everything (minus the bits where he had sex), Bakan felt confident she knew everything that happened. He was rather happy she wrapped her arm around his. He enjoyed any attention he got from her and welcomed it happily. It was when he came upon Orgrosh and Dove fighting that Bakan stopped. Just for one instant, Bakan wondered about Orgrosh and how she functioned. However this sparring match started, he wondered what she'd think about it. Dove wasn't doing such a good job, but what if he was? Would Orgrosh try to get pregnant with him? All he could think of was the mistakes he made before. Maybe things could have been different. Maybe what could have been is impossible now. That's what people do when things don't work out with the opposite sex, they move on. Whatever Orgrosh decided to do with anyone else, Bakan decided he wanted to know as little about it as possible as it'd just remind him of his failure.

Walking to the scene, Bakan waved at everyone. "Don't mind us. Good form, Orgrosh! Don't wear yourself out though, I've got a training in mind for you and Sarah in the future and it'll be so tough that I doubt even you will succeed at first! It'll be worth it though." he said, happy to just walk by and not disturb Orgrosh in her sparring match. Though he did glance slightly at the man watching from a distance.. Should they get a moment away from them, out of earshot, he'd whisper to Ashloriel. "I don't like that butler or the other guy for that matter. Not one friggin' bit. They look at other people like they're scum, and I always get the feeling they'd treat us horribly if he had the chance." Bakan stated honestly. "I'm just glad they have to listen to Dove. Though I'm worried that they might decide not to care for Dove's opinion on some matters, and how that might endanger him and other non-human species." he stated.

"It's also a good thing you stay out of mortal matters." Bakan stated, squeezing her hand gently in his own through their locked arms. "No doubt many people would hurt you given the chance. Well, I'm seeking to change that. First thing is eliminating these overzealous organizations and their criminal acts. It's a good thing my company is mostly non-human in that regard. The ones who uplift the corruption and sources of fear for the general populace turning out to be a rainbow of different races might open some eyes to the possibilities. All we need is a Badarian town praising people like Orgrosh, Samarta, and heck even Rhep as a hero, and no doubt that will cause a cascading effect that will slowly resonate throughout this country. Just imagine that! Rhep, the Hero! Praised throughout the land for her mighty deeds!" Bakan laughed at the possibility.
 
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Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan: HP = 120/120, PP = 45/45, EP = 85/85, Status = Fine, Armor at 26/50 TP

NPC Stats
Samarta: HP = 54, PP = 67, EP = 67, Status = Fine, Pregnant
Inka: HP = 51, PP = 61, EP = 44, Status = Fine
Rebecca: A coon. A fluffy fluffy coon.
Orgrosh: HP = 97, PP = 49, EP = 72, Status = Fine
Sarah: Fine
Cory: Pregnant
Rhep: HP = 99 PP = 43 EP = 44, Status = Pregnant

"You shouldn't try to apply the same morality to a god as you would to a person," Ashloriel advised pensively, "none of them would appreciate that. To them, mortal beings are like ants are to you. Even my kin and I barely register compared to some of them... And I wouldn't rely on Matthias to bail you out if you get yourself into trouble with another god. He and Sivicine have a history. As for what she's like... I've never met her in person, but from what I've heard she is relatively reasonable when confronted respectfully. She is the goddess of the hunt, of the bow and the spear, of skill and cunning, and of animals both wild and domesticated. She provides for those who are worthy, but she also takes from those who are not, and who is worthy is not always clear. She has assumed many of Janis' responsibilities as well. I won't even hazard a guess as to why she might have turned someone into a raccoon, but more often than not those sorts of punishments are reserved for blasphemers who claimed they were superior to the gods in some fashion."

Once they arrived at the area where Orgrosh seemed to be beating up Dove, he wouldn't detect any signs of affection between the two, but then... He had never been the most perceptive man where women were concerned.

"Heh... Well, Sarah can always use the practice!" she said confidently, turning to Bakan while helping a winded Dove up to his feet. He was sweating and panting in deep breaths, and she wasn't even breathing hard. As they walked by, however, Ashloriel would also spot the man remaining off to the side, the one who had been seen many times with Dove but who had never spoken, and Bakan felt her tense slightly at his side. She led them away at a less sedate pace, and once they were in the next garden she said; "That man was an Inquisitor."

Her voice was tense, but her discomfort passed quickly, and she soon relaxed beside him. "It is good that you are trying to change things," Ashloriel said approvingly, "but take care! Not all people are good, and most are not simply good or evil. Few perform vile acts out of mindless malice - most believe themselves righteous, and the righteous can be persuasive indeed. Especially to those who have known only hardship." She smiled at his colorful imagery, and let out a delighted laugh alongside him at the thought of a goblin like Rhep being praised in Badaria. "Wouldn't that be a sight?" she mused, "I hope to see it someday!"
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

"In inquisitor!?" Bakan inquired with a quiet snarl. "What the hell is one of those people doing here!?" Bakan wondered, tensing as well. Bakan wasn't so out of the loop that he didn't know about them enough to know they really didn't care for anything that wasn't human. Letting out a growl, he hummed a bit, squeezing Ashloriel's hand gently for a moment to use her as a source of meditation to calm his currently angered mind.

"Well, maybe I'll get a few bonus points if she knows I'm his adopted son? Or is their history bad?" Bakan inquired. "It's not like Matthias just left me with you and forgot about me. I talk to him all the time, even when he doesn't answer. I just focus on him and talk, letting him know what happened when something interesting goes on. Which reminds me, I didn't tell him what I told you about that shadow dragon thing I somehow held back. I bet he'll recognize then that I'm still getting stronger." He said with a hopeful chuckle, always wanting recognition from him. "Archangel status is just a milestone, I tell ya. One day, I'll substitute him out as protector, and maybe I'll get to see him more often too!" he said hopefully, and so casually as if he wasn't talking about a god.

"Still though, Sivicine has to have some kind of morality, right? I mean, giving things to the worthy and punishing those who aren't isn't anything new as far as humans go. To me it just seems like she's a person just like us... If that person could turn you into a raccoon at will." he hummed. "In fact... Jealousy, hatred, selfishness, all the stories I can remember you telling me about the history of the gods just made me think more and more that they're just really powerful, and immortal, people. I guess I don't get it, but that's how it looks to me." Bakan shrugged. "Though, like any person, Sivicine has no reason to do what I ask. Especially if she thought Rebecca deserved it. The problem is convincing her to change Rebecca back. I still have absolutely no idea in my father's name of how I'm going to do that. Plus, the whole process of getting her to come here in the first place... Dove said saying their name three times is what can do it, but I told him specifically that I want Scivicine to speak to me completely on her own accord to create the most comfortable kind of atmosphere. Any kind of direct summoning I'd imagine would put her in a very bad mood. I know because I once got pulled away while I was eating. I was not happy." he declared.

"... Maybe I could start by giving her a gift?" Bakan wondered. "I think I'm a pretty good smith in my own right. If I were to craft the finest bow I could manage, and give it to her, maybe that'll put her in a good mood!" Bakan looked to see how Ashloriel approved of this plan.
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan: HP = 120/120, PP = 45/45, EP = 85/85, Status = Fine, Armor at 26/50 TP

NPC Stats
Samarta: HP = 54, PP = 67, EP = 67, Status = Fine, Pregnant
Inka: HP = 51, PP = 61, EP = 44, Status = Fine
Rebecca: A coon. A fluffy fluffy coon.
Orgrosh: HP = 97, PP = 49, EP = 72, Status = Fine
Sarah: Fine
Cory: Pregnant
Rhep: HP = 99 PP = 43 EP = 44, Status = Pregnant

"I don't know," Ashloriel said simply, before she began letting the tension drain out of her.

"I would say negative," she replied solemnly, "she attacked him a few times after he began his... Well, what he's famed for. He let her live each time, but gods hold long grudges, and I don't imagine his name will avail you much favor." She gave a thoughtful hum, and then said; "Well, it's like I said. When one is so powerful, they can sometimes... Lose the ability to relate to someone they think of as lesser. It's why we try so hard to stay connected, to appreciate what mortal men and women are capable of.

"Calling on a god is not something to be done lightly, though I think you are right to try and get her to come to you willingly. Saying a powerful being's name with intent and passion enough can draw its attention, but just saying their name three times in succession usually isn't enough. That's just a tale told around campfires associated with calling lesser daemons."

She smiled at him approvingly when he suggested giving her a gift, "That's the right track, though a gift suitable to a god if you wanted them to appear... You would have to improve your woodworking if you wanted to do a bow, and mere steel wouldn't be enough. Yo likely won't beat out her favored weapon, such things are often possessed of god-like power in and of themselves, but a piece of excellent craftsmanship offered might make her curious at the very least. I think it's a good a idea!" She patted his arm approvingly, smiling back as he surveyed her reaction.
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

"I guess my father had it rough back then. I'm sure he probably did all of that for a reason though." Bakan said ignorantly, in favor of Matthias.

"I wasn't thinking of it being useful. As you say, I'm sure the bow she possesses is as useful a thing as she can get. I was thinking more of making a beautiful bow. A decoration, a gift." He explained his reasoning. "I'd need to learn more about her though, to figure out her taste and make a suitable bow that she'd find visually appealing. Tis something I plan to have her hang up somewhere to appreciate rather than wear it down with use. I think I'll have better luck with that than trying to make a better bow than the one she's already got!" he chuckled. "Speaking of, is there any resource you know of that I can draw from to impress Sivicine? Favorite color? Works of art she appreciated? Anything helps."
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan: HP = 120/120, PP = 45/45, EP = 85/85, Status = Fine, Armor at 26/50 TP

NPC Stats
Samarta: HP = 54, PP = 67, EP = 67, Status = Fine, Pregnant
Inka: HP = 51, PP = 61, EP = 44, Status = Fine
Rebecca: A coon. A fluffy fluffy coon.
Orgrosh: HP = 97, PP = 49, EP = 72, Status = Fine
Sarah: Fine
Cory: Pregnant
Rhep: HP = 99 PP = 43 EP = 44, Status = Pregnant

Ashloriel made a noncommittal sound in her throat in response to Bakan's assumption, letting him maintain his illusions for now it seemed.

"I can't really say I'm afraid," Ashloriel replied to his supposition about what he might make, "I'm not expert when it comes to the tastes of the gods. You might try asking some of her clergy, though you might have trouble finding any in Badaria, at least near the cities. She is favored among the elves, and you might even find things at libraries if any are on hand, but I can at least suggest the obvious; Old runes in elven telling of a great hunt or hunter and or her favored symbols would be a good start. If you can find a storyteller to write a tale for you that you can inscribe, all the better. As for materials, she is well known for her dislike of demons, so avoid darksteel. Faeriegold or angelforged steel wouldn't go amiss, or even silver or platinum."
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan thought for a moment, pondering what to do. "I'll have to use the best that I can find. Nothing unreasonable as I'm sure the best of the best won't come easily. But as for a story? That's a really good idea. I only know as much elven as you taught me, but someone fluent might do a better job." he stated. "I think a change in the shape and texture might be good for when the story takes a different theme... Hmm... Ashloriel..." Bakan thought for a moment. "What if I wrote my story on the bow? Would that be wrong? I've not really had a boring life. I've fought demons, and I've suffered tragedies. To a god like her, might something like mine appease her?" he wondered.

Once she answered that, Bakan nodded. "So, that's my list of things to do. Acquire Faeriegold or angelforged steel, find someone who can elegantly speak elven, since I doubt I could weave the language beautifully with my basic understanding. Then, make the bow. After that... Figure out how to make Sivicine interested in coming here." Bakan said with a hum of thought, contemplating how he was going to deal with a god and get her to reverse the curse she put on Rebecca.
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan: HP = 120/120, PP = 45/45, EP = 85/85, Status = Fine, Armor at 26/50 TP

NPC Stats
Samarta: HP = 54, PP = 67, EP = 67, Status = Fine, Pregnant
Inka: HP = 51, PP = 61, EP = 44, Status = Fine
Rebecca: A coon. A fluffy fluffy coon.
Orgrosh: HP = 97, PP = 49, EP = 72, Status = Fine
Sarah: Fine
Cory: Pregnant
Rhep: HP = 99 PP = 43 EP = 44, Status = Pregnant

"Indeed, poetry isn't your strong suit as I understand it," Ashloriel said amicably, without scorn for Bakan's lack of talent with flowing words. She gave a thoughtful hum at his suggestion of writing his own story on the bow, and after a moment's thought his angelic mother replied; "It's not a bad idea, I don't think. She prefers tales purveying to her domains of course, but I'm sure someone could spin your own struggles to appeal to her."

With his plans laid out before him for potentially getting Sivicine to notice him and appear in a mood that might let him appeal to her to remove Rebecca's transformation, Ashloriel would nod beside Bakan with a smile. "Quite a list of tasks before you then... If I knew of a decent poet I would point you in their direction, but sadly I lack such contacts. Why not ask your new friend? After Orgrosh is finished pounding him into the dirt of course," she suggested, "as for the materials, I think I can help you with the magical ones, but not right away. It'll give you time to find the other things you need without worrying about finding angelforged steel."

Pausing and turning to face him, she smiled and asked; "So, what are you going to do now?"
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan glanced at Ashloriel when she said her piece on his poetry. "That's really painful to hear, when you say it." he said with a slightly lowered head. "I'll ask Janne and Dove to see if they know any poets." he said, before Ashloriel turned and decided to ask the question.

With a blush, he rose his hand and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Um... I was... I was thinking of catching up with you before you had to leave again." He said semi-honestly. "The gap between when we see each other increases all the time. I'm always delighted to see you whenever you appear." he said with a smile, completely honest.
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan: HP = 120/120, PP = 45/45, EP = 85/85, Status = Fine, Armor at 26/50 TP

NPC Stats
Samarta: HP = 54, PP = 67, EP = 67, Status = Fine, Pregnant
Inka: HP = 51, PP = 61, EP = 44, Status = Fine
Rebecca: A coon. A fluffy fluffy coon.
Orgrosh: HP = 97, PP = 49, EP = 72, Status = Fine
Sarah: Fine
Cory: Pregnant
Rhep: HP = 99 PP = 43 EP = 44, Status = Pregnant

"Oh shush, what do I know?" Ashloriel replied playfully in an effort to recover, "I've not seen you write anything since you were a teenager. Besides, haven't you been off adventuring, smithing, and all those other things that make you the big tough man you are? Where would you even get the time to write poetry with such a busy schedule?"

Ashloriel chuckled softly when he answered her question, nodding and tapping him lightly on the arm. "Of course! I'm afraid my life is a little less interesting than yours... I'm mostly busy with the same old thing these days. I've just been so busy of late... It's been such a hassle dealing with keeping Acheron from spreading its influence too far too fast, and hunting down the ones who get exiled for being unwilling to play nice with mortals. Plus all my usual responsibilities... Well, you can imagine. I don't often have a day to myself these days, I'm glad I got to spend some time with you for once!"
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan was nodding and smiling, before she mentioned Acheron. "Acheron? You mean that place you told me not to go long ago? You never really told me much about it other than it was certainly not a place for me, and the basics of their more acceptable ways. Despite being a place where demons are better, why was it so bad for me to go there?" Bakan wondered, not quite aware of the fact that there were a lot of things in Acheron that would make Bakan react in his usual pure way. The stocks alone, where sexual criminals are put, would make Bakan act like the world just cracked in two. That, and there were no doubt plenty of succubi and criminals who would take advantage of his naive nature. It simply was not of his element.

"Maybe I'm ready for Acheron, yeah? With my new decision, Acheron has already done a lot of work for me! Maybe if I make some progress with eliminating the corruption in Badaria, I can work together with the people of Acheron to changing Badaria enough to convince Orgrosh and her people to not start their war. Then maybe by then Orgrosh will have finally forgiven me for not understanding her."

With that said, he looked to Ashloriel. "I am certainly glad as well, Ashloriel, that I could spend time with you. I'm sure you worry about me just as much as I worry about you. Mundane it may be, but I am in constant fear of just one of those bastards being lucky and getting their wicked hands upon you." Bakan closed his fists as just the mere suggestion riled him up. "If I ever found out that something happened to you... I'm pretty sure I'd lose it." he said, his wings turning red with fiery anger, before dying down to white. "You're the reason I exist today. I'll forgive no one for harmful trespass upon you." he swore. "Despite what you said before... Honestly, helping you do your duties as an angel couldn't excite me more." he said, partly realizing something. Perhaps that's what these wings are? A symbol of his desire? If the wings on his back are an extension of his want to be closer to Ashloriel by making similar wings,then it wouldn't be too shocking.

The bigger penis though... No clue where that came from. It had to be Cory's fault.
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan: HP = 120/120, PP = 45/45, EP = 85/85, Status = Fine, Armor at 26/50 TP

NPC Stats
Samarta: HP = 54, PP = 67, EP = 67, Status = Fine, Pregnant
Inka: HP = 51, PP = 61, EP = 44, Status = Fine
Rebecca: A coon. A fluffy fluffy coon.
Orgrosh: HP = 97, PP = 49, EP = 72, Status = Fine
Sarah: Fine
Cory: Pregnant
Rhep: HP = 99 PP = 43 EP = 44, Status = Pregnant

"It wasn't that long ago... Its only existed for what, two years now?" Ashloriel replied dryly, "it isn't a pleasant place, even if its inhabitants are little bit more... Civil than one might normally expect of demons. On the outside anyway. They're still demons though, and not all are as progressive as their leader."

She frowned softly at his suggestion that Acheron might somehow help his cause, pondering the idea for a moment before ultimately saying; "Maybe, at least in the case of assuaging the orcs should they take the rest of Crolia and turn South.... Though I cannot say with any honesty that the demons of Acheron will be of help in the long run. Demons corrupt, it is their nature, and though they preach peace their ways have only become less violent. You yourself have seen what they do when they try to expand their influence, and you can be sure that anything they're involved in will be for a purpose suited to their own goals rather than mutual benefit. Under them, corruption will ultimately be worse, not better.... Though perhaps in the short term a show of cooperation with them might prevent a war, which is certainly a good thing."

She seemed troubled as he went over his concerns about her, watching first his face, then his wings, and then his face once again. She quickly brushed a hand over his arm reassuringly, "now now... Relax! I'll be with you for a good long while yet!" She smiled, "believe me, I can take care of myself. You just concentrate on what you've got in front of you already!"
 
Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)

Bakan had to wonder about the demon bit. "Cory's a half-demon... Yet she betrayed the person she worked for because she loved me. I know that plays into the self-interest bit, but to me that's proof that even a demon can be a good person, however unlikely that is." he said, hoping that such a thing would play out in his favor. "I don't know what to do about the corruption, though I don't like the straight forward solution of just killing them all..." Bakan hummed. "Maybe the leader of Acheron would be more wise than me in this area? She seems to be trying to steer the demons on a better path, so in my eyes she's a beacon of hope towards a peaceful future. Someone like that, would be wrong to enable her to do more?" he wondered, speaking of offering assistance to Xion for the sake of her making an example of herself in the world to use in conjunction with the human Badarians. The orcs will no doubt want proof that the humans have lessened their xenophobic ways. If they're suddenly getting along with reformed demons, he wonder what they'd think about that. On one hand, yes, demons. On the other, less xenophobia. Who knows.

But then he nodded at Ashloriel. "Yes. I've got to save Rebecca. That is priority number one for now. I'll need someone who writes elegantly in the elven tongue. Not just anyone for that matter. They've obviously got to get Sivicine's attention." Bakan nodded. "I'll have to ask around." he concluded, before looking at the time of day, and deciding he needs to do a few other things first... Janne, and... "Hey, Selenia keeps mentioning me owing her a debt but doesn't seem too insistent on making me fulfill it right away. It's making me anxious..." he shuffled a bit. "And I've been meaning to ask... Selenia... She has horns... You know? I never thought of that as the typical angel appearance. I'll be honest and say I was a bit scared when I saw her. She even said that she looked after me in your place, even going as far as to make me think she made herself look like you to keep appearances... I just wonder... Why? I don't understand Selenia at all and yet she acts like she's known me for years. I know she's an angel, I know it... But..." Bakan lifted one arm up to rub the other arm anxiously, his wings turning blue. "I-I get so nervous and confused when I think about it. It bothers me so much ever since I met her. When I think back on my memories, and all the fond recollections of being with you, suddenly I feel uncertain whether those fond memories are with you... Or her." he said, looking fairly insecure about how he felt about the whole thing. He also left out the part where he saw Ashloriel naked while bathing, and she noticed him looking her way. That was the big question most of all. Did Ashloriel see him? Or was it Selenia pretending to be her? Why did neither say anything about it? It'd have been obvious to either that Bakan was particularly influenced from the sight.

He hated to suspect people of things without evidence or cause, but he wondered from time to time, if Selenia was being a little cruel to him. Her constant suggestions towards his debt to her, while logical, still somehow seemed ominous. Bakan put a hand to his head. "Oh, what the hell am I saying? Talking about Selenia like this behind her back... I'm sorry, Ashloriel. You two know each other, I'm sure you trust her. I just... I don't know, I kind of wish I could remember seeing her when she was watching over me in your stead. I don't know what to say." he shrugged. "I won't waste your time further with my paranoia. Oh..." Bakan shook his head, before smiling and holding Ashloriel's hand. "I keep thinking of more things to talk about or do together just to prolong the moment, you must think me so selfish. I just worry that the moment I turn around, you'll be gone." he said, sounding lonely. Though there was an extra reason he didn't want to distance himself from Ashloriel. It means he wouldn't be eaten (sexually) by Janne, who reigned supreme when he tried calling on his allies to replace her. He felt quite abandoned by them in the matter, leaving Janne basically slamming home that she will only not be a part of his life when she chooses to be and Bakan had absolutely no say in the matter.
 
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