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DMRonny's comments section


dmronny

dmronny

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So if you feel the need to comment on my story, please do so here so as not to interrupt the flow once I get the next part ready. Criticism is welcome, but keep it constructive, please.

Link to the story for ease.

http://www.ulmf.org/bbs/showthread.php?t=2946
 
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Re: DMRonny's comments section

Ye heard all my points already, but good on ya for getting it up. Also posting to give some publicity to the thread and story.
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

Actually I'm pretty happy with it, except for one thing. Diego doesn't seem edgy enough for me after rereading it, I was intending him more as a counter to Jourdain. Sort of the whole opposites attract thing if you know what I mean. Of course I didn't really have much room to develop him as fully yet so maybe it's better as is.
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

It is just the prologue. Unless its a very very evil man, the character's won't be so easily distinguished.
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

True, I more just made the comment because I'm having more trouble with Diego as a whole. Though he still turned out pretty well, besides I have always been a bit of a perfectionist.
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

Being a perfectionist ain't a bad thing though. And yeah, some characters do give one trouble.
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

Sweet Jesus, ain't that the truth?

*goes back to reading*
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

Well actually Diego's not too tough after all. With the way the next part is coming out of my mind, it will making it easier to write about him later on. The next part is coming along much quicker, though that's just the writing portion. Typing it is the hard part, for me at least.
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

There's still some structural errors, but usually it takes a lot of eyes going over it like this to spot them. You like to use commas. A lot.

Oh pardon my intrusion, Sarah. I had no idea anyone, but Diego was here.

Take the commas out and this segment will flow a lot better.

Other than that i really like it. It really is hard to distinguish personalities right off the bat unless it's the bad guy, or someone just utterly flamboyant. The personalities will become clearer the more you write.

Speaking of... more plz?
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

Yeah I've always had that problem with commas, especially back in grade school. Hopefully that will improve as I get more practice though.

I'm working on the second part right now, but for some reason I keep getting distracted by this darn internet thingy.
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

While overuse of commas doesn't flow to well, you can pretty much ignore whatever rules are out there when it comes to dialogue to form someone's speech however you wish.
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

I suppose. As long as it's consistent. If you're making it a speech pattern it needs to stay the same.
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

Indeed ye do. Unless you have a character who would change their speech pattern for whatever reason. I know people who slowly slip into different accents if they go visit their family, and won't speak in their normal voice for a few weeks after returning.

There could also be someone changing the way they speak in order to better blend in. Spies, fugitives, diplomats...
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

True, my accent changes depending on who I talk to, which is good because then they eventually understand me.
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

eh. I just have a problem with it because it interrupts the flow of the story for me. I get to reading good and it's like hitting a speedbump.
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

It doesn't have to be a jolting change, it can always be much more subtle. However, you could also go the different route and purposely make the switch jolting. Sure it may disturb the flow a bit, but it grabs the reader's attention pretty good.
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

I meant his commas in weird places. xD
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

Chibichibi said:
I meant his commas in weird places. xD
Click to expand...

Ah, it was just that the segment you brought up as an example happened to be a piece of dialogue.
 
Re: DMRonny's comments section

Yeah, I plan to go through and try and fix the commas eventually. Focusing more on the next part right now. Which so far is doing better comma wise since I'm watching it more.
 
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