Re: Ketzi'ah, Demon of Envy (Grave;Cross)
Fading to black once more, Grave felt herself return to the land of the awake in a different body this time. Specifically, her female body. It was quite voluptuous, she had to admit, with full hips and large breasts that fit her figure. Curiously, she was still able to somehow feel the sensations from her male half, despite being in a different body. So the sensations were shared between the two? Could be both useful and detrimental later on. Before she could do or say anything, though, or even examine the phenomenon in any detail, she found herself fading out again, unconsciousness taking her once more.
Cynder had no idea how much time he spent there, his mind drifting between his original and second body, as if unable to even stay in one for long. At times he felt like he was somehow split between the two, making him wonder if that was what he'd eventually end up settling on. That state didn't last, but fortunately he was able to settle down after a while, his consciousness returning to his male half as if drawn in by some sort of invisible anchor. When his sister came into the room, removing Club off of him and bringing him food, he smiled weakly at her in greeting. Only to frown at her question.
Taking a moment to slowly, carefully sit up on the bed, Grave sighed as he mulled over his answer. "That's the problem. I didn't think." He shook his head. "Mother was right when she said I didn't properly think the situation over at all. That I did not consider what it meant for those around me. When I've heard my choices were limited to being either split in two, which was going to cause problems - and, well, is causing problems already, to be honest - or becoming a woman, I figured it'd be much less troublesome, for me at least, to become a woman. Or rather, it'd be much less troublesome to become a monster."
Looking at Envy, Cynder continued. "To be honest, I was thinking less about my gender there and more about my abilities. I'm not sure if you've ever had a chance to experience the difference between a man and a mamono, but it's staggering. That man you've found me with?" He recalled the scout from before. "By human standards, he was fairly well-trained, moving efficiently and quickly. If I faced him as a man, I'd have to fight seriously to win, even without that crossbow of his. As a cat? It was so one-sided it's not even funny. You ever dodged crossbow shots with minimal effort? I have."
Grave's expression turned bitter. "I hate feeling powerless. But in that fight, which I've won without even trying too hard and where he got only one blow in because I was reluctant to use magic and didn't know what the limits of my physical abilities are, I've learned just how far behind I am when facing any sort of monster. And the troubles we keep getting into don't involve some random beasts, no. They involve demons, monsters with strong magical powers, and gods only know what else will be thrown at us in the future. And now I am all too aware that against such threats, my best efforts will, at most, be as good as pathetic flailing. Hell, the only reason I was of any use against Luna, for example, was because she was a vampire and it was daytime."
"And now it's not just my life and safety that might depend on how well I do. What if I end up in a situation where I have to protect you? Or Club? Or Roy and Valencia?" Cynder looked his sister in the eyes. "Sure, clever thinking might do it, but I'm hardly clever. Usually I either overthink things and react poorly, or act rashly and cause trouble. And even then, there's a certain level of power I simply can't do anything against. The way I saw it, I had a choice between an option that was going to add another issue to an already long list of problems we have and an option that might let me become powerful. Other concerns got pushed to the back of my mind. Which, now that I think about it, was a really shitty thing for me to do."
"Maybe the succubus curse affected my decision a little, lowering my inhibitions against the idea of becoming a woman, but in the end I did not consider what your feelings might be at all." Grave looked uncomfortable at that admission, ashamed even. "I guess I have been alone for so long I forgot to think of other people around me, but that's no excuse. I should be working on fixing that flaw. I intend to do so from now on, but still I want to apologize for my selfishness." He took a deep breath. "Sis, I'm sorry. I'll make sure something like this never happens again to the best of my ability. If I ever fuck up again... Feel free to slap me around as much as you wish, I've earned it."
"So... I guess that's why I've made that choice at first. Fear, selfishness, lack of forethought." He summarized his speech briefly. "Between all the shit that keeps happening, I just didn't want to waste time on learning how to control another body. Hell, right before you came in, I had a hard time keeping conscious control of just one. I'm not even sure if I'll be able to prevent random switches in the future, or when... If I'll be ever able to move two at once." Cynder sighed. "Also, having your soul cut in half? You have NO idea how much that hurts. It's like your spine is trying to rip it's way out through your body, going through every major organ in the process, except many times worse than that."
