Re: Psychology, the thread.
This is a continuation of this from the hate thread:
FUCK!
I hate the complicated semantics and social dances of men and women alike. I hate how we have made the very act of socializing into some huge subliminal monstrosity that for some reason everybody worships. I hate the fact that because, as I have come to realize, my mind works quite differently than other peoples, most people are unable to understand me, or my intentions.
This will continue in the Psychology thread in a little while...
Why can’t people understand me?
It's not because I use hints and tips and gentle nudges to get things through. No, it's because my mind is
simple that people can't seem to understand it.
For example: I really enjoy making other people enjoy themselves. I'm overly empathic, so when I can make someone laugh or feel good, then I'm happy.
A chick was drunk, and she's sitting on my lap. She's a friend of mine, and she's having fun, she has had a little too much, and she puts my hands on her tits. Ok, she’s having fun, I’m having fun, and all our clothes are on. Then she starts begging me to please take her to her room for smexings. At that point I say no, and continue with the party. She later starts throwing up, at which point my protective side kicks in and I help her with the throwing up, giving her water and watching over her. The girl she’s sharing a room with tells me that she doesn’t want her to sleep in her room, so I offer for her to sleep in my bed instead but in opposite ends. Her roommate agrees. The roommate later comes back and tells me she can sleep in her room anyways. Probably assuming that I won’t be able to remember anything the next day she actually hints at me taking advantage of the drunken chick.
I wonder why this is so hard to understand. I'm not trying to take advantage of her, I could have done that earlier when she begged me to come to her room for the night, when she wasn’t covered in puke and still conscious enough to have fun with.
I’m simply trying to help, and in helping, and fulfilling the needs of others I get some sort of mental gratification.
Now this is just an example of how people often over-analyze me.
I’m starting to think I should lie more. Honestly, when someone asks me a question, I will most likely try to avoid answering if I don’t want to answer or flat out refuse to answer, rather than lying. The problem with doing this is the fact that because people are obviously so used to everyone telling little lies to conceal their true selves or their shadow selves or whatever you want to call it. Because it’s all they seem to know, everyone just assumes that I have some horrible dark secrets or something. I’ve actually had sober people look me straight in the eye and say to me: “You and I both know that you keep dark secrets.” “It’s fascinating how a lot of people can’t seem to see through you.” “I’m sure your darker side is scary.” And my personal favorite, “I’m watching you, I know you are a whole lot freakier than you’re letting on.”
This is honestly starting to bother me. Have we gotten too much free-time in our daily lives, that to fill it we’ve invented this ridiculous metaphysical game?
Well, so why is this bothering me? Except for the obvious of course, that I don’t really want people to think I’m a serial murderer posing as a nice guy. There’s also the fact that this whole game limits something I treasure greatly. My freedom.
I enjoy being able to act on impulse, to do mildly outrageous things to please people, which in turn pleases me. But when a hug has fifty different meanings, and a light peck on the cheek or lips is half a marriage-proposal, it really limits the things I can do without making people uncomfortable, which in turn makes me uncomfortable.
This entire post is of course a very one-sided look at this whole matter, since I can’t speak for the minds of those around me. After all, their other selves aren’t something they usually advocate a lot. I know that I lack a lot of the barriers most people have. For example the barrier against touching the same sex. I am absolutely heterosexual, but I’m pretty sure I would’ve been able to kiss a guy had it been presented as a challenge. It’s not that I find that attractive and I’d rather avoid it, but I just that I don’t really have the blocks that most people have against “Gayness.” And touch in general. I don’t put a lot of meaning into touching, and if it were up to me, there’d be a lot more touching going around. But because people aren’t comfortable with that, I have put up barriers that I try not to break. When people get drunk, I just adjust my barriers accordingly.
And my next question then is this: If people want to be touched more when they are drunk, does that not mean their subconscious and maybe even their conscious mind wants to touch more, but is restricted by something. And if that is the case, why the hell are we restricting that?
Phew. I humbly present The Great Wall of Psychological annoyance, attempt one. If anyone reading this has a hard time understanding what the hell I’m saying, don’t be ashamed. I’m not really sure myself, as I am very tired. But shoot some nice comments and questions so we can get a discussion going will ya, I really want to understand the minds of people.
