Re: Fountain of Mana - English Hentai Game
I think this has some potential. The art is borderline accetable and the gameplay is really good.
But as a guy who learned English as his second language i know that it's kinda hard to completly write and create a story in an unfamiliar language.
You are probably only using English to chat in forums and play English games/watch English movies/shows. This is blatantly obvious to anyone who plays the game.... The writing is simply awful, not because of the writing itself but because of your lacking English skills. Please just check your patreon description.
Fountain of Mana is
a RPG hentai game where you play as
a young girl
named Ravy. She is
a smart and beautiful female mage which is
the exception in a world dominated by male mages. But there is a reason why thing
s are like that. Our journey starts on her birthday, when Ravy becomes
an adult. From now on she will have to leave her home
-(written together)town where everyone respect
s her father and travel around the country.
The Good thing is
that she has friends.
This is not meant to hurt you but your grammar is probably even worse than mine :O
I can't really create acceptable English texts because i just don't need to write in English.... I can spot mistakes quite easily because i watch shows and movies in English and also play games in English.
What will people (especially people who use English as their main language) think when they see your description?
The main problem is that these sentences are weird! Noone talks like that it sounds unnatural because these kind of simple sentences are only used to teach students English!
In short: You never hear people who speak English use these sentences in real life because frankly people would think they are stupid or foreign and can't speak properly.
The game is written in the same kind of garbage English which completely ruins the mood.
I see barely no difference between this English and using a machine translation while playing a japanese game.
You should probably find a guy who speaks perfect English and can at least correct and improve your writing a bit.... would be even better to just create the story and a rough draft of the script and let someone else create the dialogue.
As i said please don't take this wrong i am only writing this because i honestly thought that this game has some potential and since this is a huge board i hope someone can help you with that.
NVM my mistakes

I know that i can't create a good game in English
EDIT: Apparantly i played the older version and the English (at least the numerous mistakes) was improved?? Gotta wait till you update the version here on ULMF