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Over the past week I've been writting this and going through the editing process with a couple of the peeps. Because it's a guide it is very much a work in progress though as such things are never perfect, if you have any suggestions I would love to hear them (or more case studies). Regardless I hope this helps some of you out what not and if nothing else have fun reading it.
Nunu’s Guide to Getting You Dateless Bastards a Girl
(written with help from the girls of ULMF)
So it’s everyone’s favourite dictator back again talking about two of the things I like most, applied game theory and sex (the third thing is food and I may throw in a few recipes if I see the need for it). What is the goal of all this? Some of you out there have girls (or guys) but most of you are sitting there on your little virgin asses wondering why girls always go for the assholes when you are such a nicer person. Girls going for assholes isn’t something I’ll be covering here. The goal here is to get a girl and the best methods for doing so are going to require a plan.
The thing to realize about what I said there is that this is about getting a girl, not getting into bed with one and then never calling her back (you douchebag). One night stands will likely be covered somewhere but they are something that both of you need to understand what is going on, because if you don’t then one of you is going to end up hurt and then I’ll come to your house and murder you for misusing my advice.
If I had to sum up all this advice it’s that there are no ‘tricks’ here, this isn’t the game where you use your techniques to worm your way into someone’s pants. This is about finding a person who you are attracted to and enjoy spending your time with and enjoys spending their time with you (even if it’s only for one night) and doing so intelligently instead of sitting in the corner of a bar hoping love falls in your lap. If at any stage you need to start relying on tricks to succeed you are doing something wrong. If at any stage you start using tricks to succeed you are a fucking douchebag.
Another thing to think about is that as I’m about to go into girls and guys are not fundamentally different, so while this is targeted at men trying to find a dateable girl (most of the user base), much of it can be used by any gender at any gender.
Girls: An Introduction
So what are these creatures that have eluded you your entire life, this ephemeral creature laden with delightful, squishy parts you’re not allowed to touch? Well step one is to realise that girls and guys are pretty much the same, people talk about a huge gap and that man and woman will never understand each other but that’s a load of bullshit, men and women are virtually identical. Oh sure we may like different things but that’s how we were raised, you will get along with girls better if you just think of them as another one of the guys.
I don’t mean get into farting competitions with girls though, you still have to be on good behaviour (although I’m sure there is a girl somewhere that will eagerly take you up on a farting competition but don’t hold your breath… actually on second thoughts…). I mean just chat to them as regular folk, find out what they like and what you have in common just like you would a man. This is step one in not just getting a girl but in life in general, because no one likes to talk to a downer. It’s okay to be a little nervous and all that but establishing communication is step one in anything (although there are some girls out there who would mount you without this, but you don’t want to put your dick in them by virtue of the fact that they would mount someone without even talking to them first).
Regardless different people liking different things is just a fact of life so put up with it regardless of gender. However all that being said there is one difference between men and women, sex. Girls love sex just as much as guys, some of them even more so (although some guys might want to one up this, you bastards), but there is one key aspect where they are different inside sex that feeds back into a major difference between how the two genders think about it. Unsurprisingly this is orgasms.
Men take time to get off (or conversely they don’t take time to get off but don’t worry about that, you can use it to your advantage) and little else, the result of which is that after sex almost all the time the man is satisfied. In fact a lot of the time sex even ends when the man is satisfied. Girls on the other hand have no guarantee that they will even orgasm, sure it feels good but that’s just not the same. So just think about that, girls like sex but it’s something very intimate (even for a one night stand) and they have no guarantee of happiness, it’s a risk (in more ways than one, although contraceptives and prophylactics are basically a given and if there not they should be, but if anything else goes ‘wrong’ then they also get the largest problem). This is why girls tend to look past just looks much of the time, there sizing up how good you are beyond just your penis (this is also why a girl won’t always be thrilled with the I’m bored / hey were just friends and we’ve got nothing else going on so why don’t we / etc. reasons to have sex).
But yeah, that is how girls and guys are different but if that’s the only difference how else we are all the same. Girls ogle guys for fun and they still think about who they’d like to sleep with (my surveys say a girl generally will have decided if they will sleep with a guy in the first 10-15 minutes. Sure for guys it might be the first 10-15 seconds but hey, in the scheme of things that’s not to different). For every time you’ve sat in the corner wondering why girls don’t look at you, there is a girl who’s been in the same place thinking the same thing. Every little insecurity that you have a girl has had as well, no matter how male you think those things are (example: it’s a massive hit to a girls self-esteem if they can’t get the guy off).
This also means that girls go out hunting guys as well (although don’t let this go completely to your head, like you they are not always on the pull), sure you lads might think that you’re the ones making all the moves and the girls are there to choose between their options, that’s not how reality works. Girls are just as interested in finding a man as you are only instead of starting things with a pick up line, they tend to attract men with body language (although some might still use pickup lines). They are checking you out and have all the same concerns about success or failure that you do. As I’ve said before, were all just folk so treat us as such and you’ll find an extra measure of confidence.
Now some of you might be wondering if I’m not trying to just get you into a girl’s pants, why am I talking so much about sex? Well its simple, you can be great friends with a girl, they can be another one of the lads and everything else a man can be but as I just finished saying they might want to get into your pants as well and that is what separates friends and everything you actually want out of this. This something more could be friends with benefits, it could be dating, it is a level of commitment to each other that generally involves your genitals because it’s what you both wanted all along.
And remember, any friend is a commitment something more is a larger commitment and if you start valuing your loins above this commitment things are going to end with your heart someplace other than your chest and probably in more than one piece. Things don’t automatically end happily ever after when you get laid, so take this into account in your plans so you don’t end up in a place you don’t want to be.
Boys: PENIS!
Now I realise that there may be some girls reading this and I suppose the thing I have to tell them is that boys aren’t much different from girls either. Behind their simplistic penis brains, they have all the complicated emotions and worries of everyone else. If you have worried about whether their body language means they are attracted to you or not, that is something every man has wondered as well.
The largest difference is the concept that men don’t talk about themselves and their emotions and although there are some statistics to suggest that this is true, I don’t believe it is. In this day and age men talk as much about their inner feelings as women do (especially if they are talking to women, I think it makes them more comfortable). They are also just as confused by their emotions as women are. So if you have to talk to a man, don’t be afraid, he’s just like you, talk to them about something you are comfortable with.
Despite this though one thing that can probably be taken for granted about stereotypes that is true is that the vast majority (although not all) of men would enjoy the conversation more if they had their hands on your breasts, regardless of size (some of the people that won’t are straight oddly enough, but just as oddly some of the ones that would are gay). Now although it’s taken for granted and there are exceptions, men are still a diverse bunch with a whole ranging in breast groping desires. Some have less active libidos and need to be actively aroused before they start even having lecherous urges to contain, while other will pretty much just grab anything kinda squishy (at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what type of man they are, it matters how you feel about people touching your breasts). The reason for this is simple, in today’s society, even when there are aggressive women who go hunting men (and there is nothing wrong with that despite what your puritan grandmother might have told you), the woman is generally the arbiter of when people get to have sex.
Regardless of the truth of any given situation our culture tends to think that the girl decides who they will let between their legs. This perception encourages men to take sex where they can get it (once again, often regardless of the truth of the situation) and breasts are very out there, often flaunted and intrinsically sexual. These two things combined result in men wanting to touch breasts, not just because it’s fun but because it makes them feel like an alpha male who is capable of sleeping with anyone. But you mustn’t let them touch your breasts!
This really depends on what sort of group you are in though, some people are in groups where physical contact between all genders is common and it really is just a bit of fun. Most of us however aren’t from groups where such gestures are mere tokens of friendship, if you let them touch you that is a form of sexual dominion over you, like a super flirt. Obviously if you are flirting with them then do whatever you feel is best (or another similar situation like you just got a new bra that makes your breasts look fantastic, these things are signs of trust rather than flirts) but when the time comes that they do grope you and you are not interested you need to give them one hell of a glare. It won’t ruin friendships, it won’t even friend zone them, but it will tell them to stop trying to get into your pants until you tell them otherwise.
Your Situation: Be Comfortable
Of everything to come I may encourage you to do things that you are not comfortable with doing, some of these will be intrinsic to the plan and be unavoidable. You will have to experience the discomfort of meeting new people and in all likelihood the pain of being rejected or the depression of having to abort. These are facts of life and if you want to be happy this is all good practice.
There are some other things though, mostly flirting, that I encourage you to do that you may not be comfortable with. The important thing to realise is that these are all relative terms, what is a flirt in your circle may make you a nympho slut in a puritan circle, or be completely looked over in a more sexual circle. You should tailor your approach to the group that you are in and only ever sink as deep into deprivation as you are comfortable with. Don’t let peer pressure change you and if you are getting in over your head, take a step back and try to think about what’s going on. Generally people will be accepting of who you are and your limits but if all else fails, abort and get the hell out of there.
In this day and age, especially amongst the nerdier groups instant messaging has become very common (the following advice partially relates to SMS’ as well). Because whatever you say in these messages is under no threat of physical contact (they can hardly reach through the screen and get you) they allow you to be a lot more game in the things that you say. This can help if you really want to flirt with someone but as a general rule people who aren’t interested back will tend to just brush it off. It is also generally accepted that things you flirt about over the internet are not of the same level of what happens in the real world, but once again, no matter how far you go online make sure to define how far you are currently willing to go in real life. It’s your body and don’t do something you are uncomfortable with just because you got carried away online (or for any other reason really).
Battle Plans: And it Will be a Battle
You have resources and tactics, strategies and weapons; if you think of this as anything less than a battle you will be going in unprepared. You must scout your target, analyse it and position yourself where your weapons will have the greatest effect. Then while you progress you must constantly revaluate your position, has something changed, should I change my target, would this person be better used as a resource? The goal is to create a situation where things are stacked in your favour with a girl you are interested in. Unfortunately this is going to require meeting new people which is probably one of the least pleasant things you can do, but meeting an appropriate person is half the battle.
Step 1: Target Definition
Before you make any moves your first step should be define what kind of person you are going after. I don’t mean write down what your perfect girlfriend would be like, but just think about what sort of things will allow you to hold a conversation with them and enjoy their company for a prolonged period of time (because that’s what we’re going for). I seriously suggest not accounting for any looks in this because they are generally completely irrelevant for what a person’s personality is like.
If you are already interested in a person you know, then try to apply what you can, there are some techniques that may help you but first impressions are important and things will be harder when you don’t already stack things in your favour. If you are unfortunately attached to a girl who has friend zoned you move on to greener pastures (but don’t necessarily burn any bridges), change is your friend here maybe being apart will change how she feels or if you manage to screw up with a new girl (something you shouldn’t try for on purpose) see what happens when you crawl back into her arms. Just don’t get to serious when you’re real feelings aren’t involved because you will end up conflicted and possibly losing everything.
As a side note think carefully before let a girl you are interested in but friend zoned you be your wingman as you are going to find it much harder to pick up anyone because you’re too busy thinking about her (although there is always the possibility of her help changing her or some other similar gain).
Step 2: Hunting Grounds
So you’ve gotten an idea of what kind of person you will be interested in, the next goal is to meet her. But it’s a little more difficult than that, you have to not only meet her, but meet her in a situation where you will be able to not only stand out from the crowd but be encouraged to form a conversation.
The principle behind this is essentially what we all experienced at school; you are going to do group work and are forced to talk to each other, which is a lot easier to make friends when compared to just walking up to a person and trying to use a pickup line or something (which I personally would find completely terrifying). Unfortunately in school the only thing people have in common is geography and that means it can be hard to find a person that meets your criteria (although never be fully bound by such criteria, you’ve got to be flexible and take advantage of opportunities that present themselves). Tertiary education then progress this because suddenly you will find that the thing that binds your groups together is no longer geography but what your interests are.
My point is that finding that 1 in 1,000,000 girl is going to be much easier if you are only looking at the 1,000 people who might actually fit your criteria.
This can be very difficult, although because most of you guys reading this will be nerds there is a very simple situation that can be exploited: conventions. But because not everyone wants a nerdy girl, some other places to look are hobby groups (although it’s likely that anything you want will be male heavy) and short courses (massage is a good one as you will be required to touch each other). Shop around until you find something that has a girl in it. This will require trial and error, so don’t get committed to anything until you find what you are after (depending on your hunting grounds the girls may not be too keen on being picked up in the places you visit because that’s not why they’re there, but I’ll get to that).
Case Study: Nunu Wears a Cape
I decided that I would be interested in a gamer, they are nice people and I have a lot in common with them. They also mesh much better with my sedentary lifestyle as I don’t like leaving my house.
But where would I possibly meet just a gamer in a situation that is natural to form a conversation. My decision was Manifest, the Melbourne anime festival, as it would be full of people who liked anime. How would I set myself apart from the common chaff? Cosplay, nothing fancy but more than just being a normal onlooker.
To further narrow the people I would be in contact with I sat down and played Soul Calibre so that I could talk to my opponents until I found someone that I could carry a conversation with and tagged along with them.
Holding conversation with them was surprisingly easy as we had something to talk about with soul calibre and my costume combined, then gaming in general. I managed to give out my number so that I could maintain a friendship with them.
Step 3: Talking to the Opposite Gender
So you’ve selected your hunting ground so that it’s full of the type of people you’re interested in and one of them is going to be your target. The most important thing to do now is that unless they start flirting with you; for god’s sake don’t try to pick them up. Wherever you are there should be enough stuff to keep you from being bored (otherwise I doubt you would have chosen it) but your job right now is to be a nice friendly person and preferably to stand out from the crowd enough that people want to get to know you.
The reason for this is that if you just walk in and try to pick up a girl people will see straight through you and you’ll become ‘that guy’. Nobody likes ‘that guy’ because he’s not there to have fun, he’s there to be a selfish prick, so don’t be him. However being too passive can present its own problems, fading into the background and just becoming another person, you’ll wind up stuck with a hobby you didn’t want.
However all these social reasons aside, you don’t immediately pick up because you might need to change your plan, picking up a girl will commit you to them, succeed or fail. If you have to move on to someone they know word will get around that you tried to pick them up and presumably by this stage you failed and that’s not a good resume. If you did succeed in picking them up right off the bat, what the hell are you doing, you don’t know this person yet? What’s stopping them from going full crazy on you (and as they say in Australia “never shove your dick in crazy”)? how do you even know you’ll actually like them? You have to give things a little time to grow and develop at a natural pace. Moving quickly is fine but if you move on a girl you don’t know it’s bad for both of you. You might as well have picked your girlfriend at random.
Now you might be thinking but they were totally coming on to me, why do I have to turn them away? Well if they come on to you then it’s all a different story, you don’t have to turn them away but you should avoid commitment to them and that really depends on the person. Some girls are fine with a one night stand and if you get that well you’re walking away a winner, but if she comes onto you and wants to date you immediately, play it slow, it might not be best to turn her away but you don’t know her yet and it kind of sinks into high school dating, you are testing each other out instead of being in a relationship (don’t sleep around during this testing each other out, that’s called being a douchebag and it’s probably best not to stick your dick in her either, not until you’ve decided you want to be at least a little serious).
Some girls want to come onto you but need you to notice the subtle hints (statistics show that girls almost always initiate such things, it’s just guys are too dumb and wrapped up in their own penises to notice). Throw a few flirts around when you can get away with it if you think a girl is receptive, if nothing happens back up and revert to your normal tactics, if they flirt back… well lucky you, don’t screw it up.
So when actually talking to them and the group the goal is to be a little sleazy (mild innuendo is fine, however this really depends on the society you are in) so that your target keeps sex somewhere in their mind, get some really, really terrible jokes to tell people (Where does a werewolf live: in a warehouse) because people will laugh behind their groans. Other self-depreciating humour is good as well, as people who can make fun of themselves have good self-esteem and good self-esteem is a turn on. Keep a smile on your face because people like hanging around people who are having fun. One of the worst things you can do is to be unpleasant.
The final advice here is to be assertive when you can, make it a bit of a joke but wild claims and accusations can not only set you apart from the group but get you a head start in relationships. Channel your inner Nunu (After finding my target I declared ownership of them after beating them at soul calibre, I had deduced that the target was a glomper, as am I, so I required them to hug me on sight for the rest of the convention). Use your weapons to win the day!
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Nunu’s Guide to Getting You Dateless Bastards a Girl
(written with help from the girls of ULMF)
So it’s everyone’s favourite dictator back again talking about two of the things I like most, applied game theory and sex (the third thing is food and I may throw in a few recipes if I see the need for it). What is the goal of all this? Some of you out there have girls (or guys) but most of you are sitting there on your little virgin asses wondering why girls always go for the assholes when you are such a nicer person. Girls going for assholes isn’t something I’ll be covering here. The goal here is to get a girl and the best methods for doing so are going to require a plan.
The thing to realize about what I said there is that this is about getting a girl, not getting into bed with one and then never calling her back (you douchebag). One night stands will likely be covered somewhere but they are something that both of you need to understand what is going on, because if you don’t then one of you is going to end up hurt and then I’ll come to your house and murder you for misusing my advice.
If I had to sum up all this advice it’s that there are no ‘tricks’ here, this isn’t the game where you use your techniques to worm your way into someone’s pants. This is about finding a person who you are attracted to and enjoy spending your time with and enjoys spending their time with you (even if it’s only for one night) and doing so intelligently instead of sitting in the corner of a bar hoping love falls in your lap. If at any stage you need to start relying on tricks to succeed you are doing something wrong. If at any stage you start using tricks to succeed you are a fucking douchebag.
Another thing to think about is that as I’m about to go into girls and guys are not fundamentally different, so while this is targeted at men trying to find a dateable girl (most of the user base), much of it can be used by any gender at any gender.
Girls: An Introduction
So what are these creatures that have eluded you your entire life, this ephemeral creature laden with delightful, squishy parts you’re not allowed to touch? Well step one is to realise that girls and guys are pretty much the same, people talk about a huge gap and that man and woman will never understand each other but that’s a load of bullshit, men and women are virtually identical. Oh sure we may like different things but that’s how we were raised, you will get along with girls better if you just think of them as another one of the guys.
I don’t mean get into farting competitions with girls though, you still have to be on good behaviour (although I’m sure there is a girl somewhere that will eagerly take you up on a farting competition but don’t hold your breath… actually on second thoughts…). I mean just chat to them as regular folk, find out what they like and what you have in common just like you would a man. This is step one in not just getting a girl but in life in general, because no one likes to talk to a downer. It’s okay to be a little nervous and all that but establishing communication is step one in anything (although there are some girls out there who would mount you without this, but you don’t want to put your dick in them by virtue of the fact that they would mount someone without even talking to them first).
Regardless different people liking different things is just a fact of life so put up with it regardless of gender. However all that being said there is one difference between men and women, sex. Girls love sex just as much as guys, some of them even more so (although some guys might want to one up this, you bastards), but there is one key aspect where they are different inside sex that feeds back into a major difference between how the two genders think about it. Unsurprisingly this is orgasms.
Men take time to get off (or conversely they don’t take time to get off but don’t worry about that, you can use it to your advantage) and little else, the result of which is that after sex almost all the time the man is satisfied. In fact a lot of the time sex even ends when the man is satisfied. Girls on the other hand have no guarantee that they will even orgasm, sure it feels good but that’s just not the same. So just think about that, girls like sex but it’s something very intimate (even for a one night stand) and they have no guarantee of happiness, it’s a risk (in more ways than one, although contraceptives and prophylactics are basically a given and if there not they should be, but if anything else goes ‘wrong’ then they also get the largest problem). This is why girls tend to look past just looks much of the time, there sizing up how good you are beyond just your penis (this is also why a girl won’t always be thrilled with the I’m bored / hey were just friends and we’ve got nothing else going on so why don’t we / etc. reasons to have sex).
But yeah, that is how girls and guys are different but if that’s the only difference how else we are all the same. Girls ogle guys for fun and they still think about who they’d like to sleep with (my surveys say a girl generally will have decided if they will sleep with a guy in the first 10-15 minutes. Sure for guys it might be the first 10-15 seconds but hey, in the scheme of things that’s not to different). For every time you’ve sat in the corner wondering why girls don’t look at you, there is a girl who’s been in the same place thinking the same thing. Every little insecurity that you have a girl has had as well, no matter how male you think those things are (example: it’s a massive hit to a girls self-esteem if they can’t get the guy off).
This also means that girls go out hunting guys as well (although don’t let this go completely to your head, like you they are not always on the pull), sure you lads might think that you’re the ones making all the moves and the girls are there to choose between their options, that’s not how reality works. Girls are just as interested in finding a man as you are only instead of starting things with a pick up line, they tend to attract men with body language (although some might still use pickup lines). They are checking you out and have all the same concerns about success or failure that you do. As I’ve said before, were all just folk so treat us as such and you’ll find an extra measure of confidence.
Now some of you might be wondering if I’m not trying to just get you into a girl’s pants, why am I talking so much about sex? Well its simple, you can be great friends with a girl, they can be another one of the lads and everything else a man can be but as I just finished saying they might want to get into your pants as well and that is what separates friends and everything you actually want out of this. This something more could be friends with benefits, it could be dating, it is a level of commitment to each other that generally involves your genitals because it’s what you both wanted all along.
And remember, any friend is a commitment something more is a larger commitment and if you start valuing your loins above this commitment things are going to end with your heart someplace other than your chest and probably in more than one piece. Things don’t automatically end happily ever after when you get laid, so take this into account in your plans so you don’t end up in a place you don’t want to be.
Boys: PENIS!
Now I realise that there may be some girls reading this and I suppose the thing I have to tell them is that boys aren’t much different from girls either. Behind their simplistic penis brains, they have all the complicated emotions and worries of everyone else. If you have worried about whether their body language means they are attracted to you or not, that is something every man has wondered as well.
The largest difference is the concept that men don’t talk about themselves and their emotions and although there are some statistics to suggest that this is true, I don’t believe it is. In this day and age men talk as much about their inner feelings as women do (especially if they are talking to women, I think it makes them more comfortable). They are also just as confused by their emotions as women are. So if you have to talk to a man, don’t be afraid, he’s just like you, talk to them about something you are comfortable with.
Despite this though one thing that can probably be taken for granted about stereotypes that is true is that the vast majority (although not all) of men would enjoy the conversation more if they had their hands on your breasts, regardless of size (some of the people that won’t are straight oddly enough, but just as oddly some of the ones that would are gay). Now although it’s taken for granted and there are exceptions, men are still a diverse bunch with a whole ranging in breast groping desires. Some have less active libidos and need to be actively aroused before they start even having lecherous urges to contain, while other will pretty much just grab anything kinda squishy (at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what type of man they are, it matters how you feel about people touching your breasts). The reason for this is simple, in today’s society, even when there are aggressive women who go hunting men (and there is nothing wrong with that despite what your puritan grandmother might have told you), the woman is generally the arbiter of when people get to have sex.
Regardless of the truth of any given situation our culture tends to think that the girl decides who they will let between their legs. This perception encourages men to take sex where they can get it (once again, often regardless of the truth of the situation) and breasts are very out there, often flaunted and intrinsically sexual. These two things combined result in men wanting to touch breasts, not just because it’s fun but because it makes them feel like an alpha male who is capable of sleeping with anyone. But you mustn’t let them touch your breasts!
This really depends on what sort of group you are in though, some people are in groups where physical contact between all genders is common and it really is just a bit of fun. Most of us however aren’t from groups where such gestures are mere tokens of friendship, if you let them touch you that is a form of sexual dominion over you, like a super flirt. Obviously if you are flirting with them then do whatever you feel is best (or another similar situation like you just got a new bra that makes your breasts look fantastic, these things are signs of trust rather than flirts) but when the time comes that they do grope you and you are not interested you need to give them one hell of a glare. It won’t ruin friendships, it won’t even friend zone them, but it will tell them to stop trying to get into your pants until you tell them otherwise.
Your Situation: Be Comfortable
Of everything to come I may encourage you to do things that you are not comfortable with doing, some of these will be intrinsic to the plan and be unavoidable. You will have to experience the discomfort of meeting new people and in all likelihood the pain of being rejected or the depression of having to abort. These are facts of life and if you want to be happy this is all good practice.
There are some other things though, mostly flirting, that I encourage you to do that you may not be comfortable with. The important thing to realise is that these are all relative terms, what is a flirt in your circle may make you a nympho slut in a puritan circle, or be completely looked over in a more sexual circle. You should tailor your approach to the group that you are in and only ever sink as deep into deprivation as you are comfortable with. Don’t let peer pressure change you and if you are getting in over your head, take a step back and try to think about what’s going on. Generally people will be accepting of who you are and your limits but if all else fails, abort and get the hell out of there.
In this day and age, especially amongst the nerdier groups instant messaging has become very common (the following advice partially relates to SMS’ as well). Because whatever you say in these messages is under no threat of physical contact (they can hardly reach through the screen and get you) they allow you to be a lot more game in the things that you say. This can help if you really want to flirt with someone but as a general rule people who aren’t interested back will tend to just brush it off. It is also generally accepted that things you flirt about over the internet are not of the same level of what happens in the real world, but once again, no matter how far you go online make sure to define how far you are currently willing to go in real life. It’s your body and don’t do something you are uncomfortable with just because you got carried away online (or for any other reason really).
Battle Plans: And it Will be a Battle
You have resources and tactics, strategies and weapons; if you think of this as anything less than a battle you will be going in unprepared. You must scout your target, analyse it and position yourself where your weapons will have the greatest effect. Then while you progress you must constantly revaluate your position, has something changed, should I change my target, would this person be better used as a resource? The goal is to create a situation where things are stacked in your favour with a girl you are interested in. Unfortunately this is going to require meeting new people which is probably one of the least pleasant things you can do, but meeting an appropriate person is half the battle.
Step 1: Target Definition
Before you make any moves your first step should be define what kind of person you are going after. I don’t mean write down what your perfect girlfriend would be like, but just think about what sort of things will allow you to hold a conversation with them and enjoy their company for a prolonged period of time (because that’s what we’re going for). I seriously suggest not accounting for any looks in this because they are generally completely irrelevant for what a person’s personality is like.
If you are already interested in a person you know, then try to apply what you can, there are some techniques that may help you but first impressions are important and things will be harder when you don’t already stack things in your favour. If you are unfortunately attached to a girl who has friend zoned you move on to greener pastures (but don’t necessarily burn any bridges), change is your friend here maybe being apart will change how she feels or if you manage to screw up with a new girl (something you shouldn’t try for on purpose) see what happens when you crawl back into her arms. Just don’t get to serious when you’re real feelings aren’t involved because you will end up conflicted and possibly losing everything.
As a side note think carefully before let a girl you are interested in but friend zoned you be your wingman as you are going to find it much harder to pick up anyone because you’re too busy thinking about her (although there is always the possibility of her help changing her or some other similar gain).
Step 2: Hunting Grounds
So you’ve gotten an idea of what kind of person you will be interested in, the next goal is to meet her. But it’s a little more difficult than that, you have to not only meet her, but meet her in a situation where you will be able to not only stand out from the crowd but be encouraged to form a conversation.
The principle behind this is essentially what we all experienced at school; you are going to do group work and are forced to talk to each other, which is a lot easier to make friends when compared to just walking up to a person and trying to use a pickup line or something (which I personally would find completely terrifying). Unfortunately in school the only thing people have in common is geography and that means it can be hard to find a person that meets your criteria (although never be fully bound by such criteria, you’ve got to be flexible and take advantage of opportunities that present themselves). Tertiary education then progress this because suddenly you will find that the thing that binds your groups together is no longer geography but what your interests are.
My point is that finding that 1 in 1,000,000 girl is going to be much easier if you are only looking at the 1,000 people who might actually fit your criteria.
This can be very difficult, although because most of you guys reading this will be nerds there is a very simple situation that can be exploited: conventions. But because not everyone wants a nerdy girl, some other places to look are hobby groups (although it’s likely that anything you want will be male heavy) and short courses (massage is a good one as you will be required to touch each other). Shop around until you find something that has a girl in it. This will require trial and error, so don’t get committed to anything until you find what you are after (depending on your hunting grounds the girls may not be too keen on being picked up in the places you visit because that’s not why they’re there, but I’ll get to that).
Case Study: Nunu Wears a Cape
I decided that I would be interested in a gamer, they are nice people and I have a lot in common with them. They also mesh much better with my sedentary lifestyle as I don’t like leaving my house.
But where would I possibly meet just a gamer in a situation that is natural to form a conversation. My decision was Manifest, the Melbourne anime festival, as it would be full of people who liked anime. How would I set myself apart from the common chaff? Cosplay, nothing fancy but more than just being a normal onlooker.
To further narrow the people I would be in contact with I sat down and played Soul Calibre so that I could talk to my opponents until I found someone that I could carry a conversation with and tagged along with them.
Holding conversation with them was surprisingly easy as we had something to talk about with soul calibre and my costume combined, then gaming in general. I managed to give out my number so that I could maintain a friendship with them.
Step 3: Talking to the Opposite Gender
So you’ve selected your hunting ground so that it’s full of the type of people you’re interested in and one of them is going to be your target. The most important thing to do now is that unless they start flirting with you; for god’s sake don’t try to pick them up. Wherever you are there should be enough stuff to keep you from being bored (otherwise I doubt you would have chosen it) but your job right now is to be a nice friendly person and preferably to stand out from the crowd enough that people want to get to know you.
The reason for this is that if you just walk in and try to pick up a girl people will see straight through you and you’ll become ‘that guy’. Nobody likes ‘that guy’ because he’s not there to have fun, he’s there to be a selfish prick, so don’t be him. However being too passive can present its own problems, fading into the background and just becoming another person, you’ll wind up stuck with a hobby you didn’t want.
However all these social reasons aside, you don’t immediately pick up because you might need to change your plan, picking up a girl will commit you to them, succeed or fail. If you have to move on to someone they know word will get around that you tried to pick them up and presumably by this stage you failed and that’s not a good resume. If you did succeed in picking them up right off the bat, what the hell are you doing, you don’t know this person yet? What’s stopping them from going full crazy on you (and as they say in Australia “never shove your dick in crazy”)? how do you even know you’ll actually like them? You have to give things a little time to grow and develop at a natural pace. Moving quickly is fine but if you move on a girl you don’t know it’s bad for both of you. You might as well have picked your girlfriend at random.
Now you might be thinking but they were totally coming on to me, why do I have to turn them away? Well if they come on to you then it’s all a different story, you don’t have to turn them away but you should avoid commitment to them and that really depends on the person. Some girls are fine with a one night stand and if you get that well you’re walking away a winner, but if she comes onto you and wants to date you immediately, play it slow, it might not be best to turn her away but you don’t know her yet and it kind of sinks into high school dating, you are testing each other out instead of being in a relationship (don’t sleep around during this testing each other out, that’s called being a douchebag and it’s probably best not to stick your dick in her either, not until you’ve decided you want to be at least a little serious).
Some girls want to come onto you but need you to notice the subtle hints (statistics show that girls almost always initiate such things, it’s just guys are too dumb and wrapped up in their own penises to notice). Throw a few flirts around when you can get away with it if you think a girl is receptive, if nothing happens back up and revert to your normal tactics, if they flirt back… well lucky you, don’t screw it up.
So when actually talking to them and the group the goal is to be a little sleazy (mild innuendo is fine, however this really depends on the society you are in) so that your target keeps sex somewhere in their mind, get some really, really terrible jokes to tell people (Where does a werewolf live: in a warehouse) because people will laugh behind their groans. Other self-depreciating humour is good as well, as people who can make fun of themselves have good self-esteem and good self-esteem is a turn on. Keep a smile on your face because people like hanging around people who are having fun. One of the worst things you can do is to be unpleasant.
The final advice here is to be assertive when you can, make it a bit of a joke but wild claims and accusations can not only set you apart from the group but get you a head start in relationships. Channel your inner Nunu (After finding my target I declared ownership of them after beating them at soul calibre, I had deduced that the target was a glomper, as am I, so I required them to hug me on sight for the rest of the convention). Use your weapons to win the day!
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