Light Path - Remember to steal everything that's not nailed down.
-Start
-Go to Pub, watch event until daylight.
-Leave in the direction they want you to. (Or do pub jobs for money and porn)
-Go along the road and hit the toll booth. (Pay up by money or porn)
++Also go along the coast west to reach the cave. You can't fully clear this place without the water skill, so just reaching here and marking it is enough.
-Follow the road to town.
-Leave town (it doesn't have anything plotworthy. If you're on a new game+, buy about 50 pickaxes while you're here.)
-Follow road to cave. Go through cave. Fight boss. (Lose for porn)
-Follow path to town.
-Talk to king, get plot and boat rides.
-Ride boat to next destination and talk to King in destination.
-Leave town and follow path to Wind shrine.
-Clear Wind shrine (Boss is GOR on loss)
++The wind skill prevents you from taking damage from the tiles for 50 steps, so the purple ones and presumably the spiky tiles will not hurt you when the skill is active.
-Go back to the first king and report. He'll give you another boat. Take it south.
-Talk to the mayor of the desert town for plot advancement.
++There's a bug here where if you go down to the prison an event that uses Dark Princess's sprite will play.
+++I assume the plot scene differs if you are a virgin at this point, otherwise porn.
-Mayor will give you the next plot token, so leave town.
-Search for Fire Shrine.
-Clear Fire Shrine. (Boss is GOR on loss)
++Skill is +30% damage, -10% defense for however many steps it says. Stack it with the +50% damage ring to roflstomp bossfights.
-Report back to first king. Get another boat. Take boat to new town.
++Talk to the person in the red roof house to get access to the tiny medal house.
+++Go to the tiny medal house and talk to the woman to get the item find skill. I assume she gives it to you so long as you do not have it.
+++Go on looting spree (alternatively say 'fuck it I'll do it on my NG+)
-Talk to king. Get plot token, leave town.
-Find water shrine.
-Clear water shrine. (Ditto, I think. I stopped bothering at this point)
++Skill is plot.
-Now you can walk on the ocean floor.
++At this point you can go back to the mine and clear it. It progressively scales in difficulty and has ten levels.
-Find the island you want to reach on the world map, then take the closest town to it and go to the docks and jump in. It's easier that way. Hug the coasts and look for a spot that's visually different on the coastline to ascend.
++She apparently can't swim for shit.
++There's a sunken ship to the east of the fire village.
-The right spot will plop you onto a place of green that you've never seen. It will also have enemies.
-Follow path until there's a split in the road. go left to mark the village (and get porn) go right to plot.
++NOTE: If you go right before getting all the porn you want, you will be unable to get them for the rest of the run.
++The village will kick you out if you get porn.
When you regain control from plot cutscene
-Now go south.
-Go to the throne room of the castle.
-Follow the linear path to the end. Get plot token.
Go to the snow island (fastest approach is to go to the closest town to it, leave right, and jump into the ocean, then go up and left)
++You know you've found it if it's just a gate with sand.
-Follow path to more plot.
-Talk to woman in church.
-Get Maximum Stab.
-Go to obviously evil island on the top right corner of map
++If you've been wandering around the ocean floor you would've found it by accident at some point. Otherwise, use the point of entry closest to the snow town and go left or right. The ocean wraps
-Clear obviously evil island dungeon.
++I think the World's Best Infinite Maze is in here. You'll know it when you see it. It's so good.
-Follow path to goddess.
++Two warps will open up. blue will send you back to restock (I recommend a shitton of potions)
++Talk to goddess for full heal, talk to buddy for guard rings (Nulls 50% damage)
-Use warp.
-Clear Definitely Last Dungeon.
-Victory
Dark Path
-Watch very different intro.
-Follow the same actions as getting the wind plot token.
-Fail to get into the wind shrine.
-Become evil.
-Adopt all the cats (there's 3 of them)
-Save all the women (kinda, sorta)
-Kick down all the doors (it's so gratifying)
++Basically the dark path is the inverse of the light path.
-Not finish the game because there's apparently no win state after clearing the path?