RPG Unknown/Hiatus RPG Maker [Takimaru] Despair Labyrinth

[Takimaru]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.02 - Updated 8/14/2011!

Hahaha, very good; I can't say I thought of that particular scenario, which seems pretty neat, but I definitely had multiple endings in mind. I've actually been thinking about continuing the story past the Labyrinth; although that doesn't seem apparent from the name, I think there's a lot of fun that could be had if someone reaches a low Purity level and ventures out into say, a town or castle. I looooove the VH games (Rin is my personal fav), and wished they implemented strictly multiple character choices with all the H-scenes enabled, so that's something I'd really like to go for if possible.
EDIT: I found out how to do all of this via conditional branches. Alright, time for... even more writing! G_G

I'm going to implement virginity separate from the Purity level, as a simple switch that only gets turned off (some characters like Rhiannon and Thyme start with it off, obviously) when vaginal penetration does occur. That way, with a virgin character like Asella or Irine, you can almost in a way 'choose' who ends up taking your V-card.

 

[wallpaper]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.02 - Updated 8/14/2011!

>.> You know, I haven't downloaded the game because I'm hesitant to... I'm beginning to think I'm probably the only person on this forum who does enjoy seeing consensual sex scenes, and scenes where restraint and domination and such can be positive, or whatever... but I'm really enjoying following this thread.

If you are still taking input on options... I don't know if this will be very unpopular or not, but some sort of encounter (or encounters) where sex can /increase/ purity... or in other words, can bolster the character mentally... or I don't know, if they can flip the tables on a potential attacker? I would really like to see that sort of option in a game. It wouldn't have to be the main draw to the action, or even a really common thing, but knowing that it's there and can be tried for would make me pleased!

 

[Takimaru]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.02 - Updated 8/14/2011!

Eh, I definitely don't blame you if you prefer consensual over n/c; after all, that is certainly more socially acceptable, not to mention the norm, LOL. And besides, with this game I do not mean to condone such acts; there is some level of responsibility the user must take to separate fantasy from reality. IRL, I don't even prefer passive females or ones that like being dominated; the more involved and aggressive ones are more to my taste, given my history.

I am actually going to include some romantic, heterosexual, consensual sex, possibly in the missionary position (GASP!) somewhere in this game down the road, as I feel that doing so in a sea of ... less wholesome acts, can add some inherent appeal to the otherwise 'boring' scene--maybe a type of black swan theory, I guess.

Even then, it probably isn't going to do a whole lot to take away from the 'dark' feel of the game, I'd say. I was debating on possibly including netorare as well.

Also, do you think I should make a dark background for the text during the H-scenes? I find the blue window far too invasive but as it is right now, sometimes the text can be hard to read.

 

[wallpaper]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.02 - Updated 8/14/2011!

I guess it's weird because I don't really know exactly where I stand. XD I like the idea of a lot of these themes but I sometimes feel a little overwhelmed by the fervency of them and (sometimes) the repetitiveness of 'em. I suppose that it's more that I'm hoping to see things shaken up a little, as that is more intriguing!

Ha ha, having such a considered norm as part of the game might be kind of a surprise. XD Involving netorare as a possible storyline would be interesting, too... I do like that it sounds like you'll have quite a wide variety!

 

[Takimaru]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.02 - Updated 8/14/2011!

My idea was, possibly introducing a choice between two guys down the road with whom your character can be romantically involved. Hence the consensual hetero sex. However, seeing the setting of the game, it's not a terribly unlikely outcome that you'll be raped somehow (if you decide to make it happen, of course), and likely in front of him where you get to see his reactions.

Netorare is usually done either from the point of view of the male character who is watching or the one who is doing the violating, but I don't often, if at all, see it done from the PoV of the female. I just thought it'd be interesting is all.

 

[wallpaper]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.02 - Updated 8/14/2011!

Strongly agree, actually. O_O I'm curious!

And... okay, I am caving and downloading it to check it out. XD I don't usually snag RPG-maker games but I like the way you think!

eta: Things of notice in writing that could be edited

Spoiler

Intro: "The royal family panicked, in disbelief that such a thing could happen." could probably be pared down to, "the royal family panicked." or "the royal family, reeling from the shock, immediately sent..." or something. The former seems a bit clunky!

"to the first adventurer who brings the Princess back..." should be "to the first adventurer who brought the Princess back..." in order to preserve the past tense of the text block. You might also wish to change 100 in this chunk to 'one hundred' to better fit with the rest of the text!

Game: "He approaches you with lewd intention." might work better with "intentions" if only because that's more conventional.

When fighting and losing, 'knocking you unconscious' seems a little redundant. Just saying that the protagonist is defeated should suffice?

First guard's h-scene (not sure if it's different for each character, but I'm playing Rhiannon at this point) "...but he holds you down on him..." doesn't make a tonne of sense! I suppose that it's lingo, but it becomes a little unclear in the sentence. Perhaps, "You groan in protest, but he forces your head back..." or something? Up to interpretation, of course!

"...grabbing you by the hair and withdraws..." should be "grabbing you by the hair and withdrawing," in order to keep parallel structure in the sentence.

Second scene with the high guard: "...gripping what's left of the clothing covering your torso and tearing it from you hastily..." could be, "...(hastily) rips the remnants of clothing hanging from your body..." to make it a bit more concise. You could probably also get rid of 'soft' or 'smooth' in the next sentence, and both describe breasts adequately well on their own! Either that, or replace the 'and' with a comma. "Soft and smooth skin" vs. "Soft, smooth skin" -- I think the latter reads more eloquently!

"...keep your wrists down against the ground..." could be "wrists pinned against the ground" or "wrists pinned behind your head" or even just "wrists pinned back"... though I think you used 'pinned' in the previous text-block, so that might be doubling up too soon?

"...instinctually close your legs..." should be "...instinctively close your legs..." Instinctual is a word by itself, but not with the 'ly' at the end. The one that you're looking for here, and in other places, is 'instinctively'.

"...pushing into you steadily..." could be "steadily pushing into you" and "...he releases a groan full of pleasure as the bandit's..." could probably be reversed so that "the bandit releases a groan of pleasure as his..." just so that it reads with better cadence.

For the gargoyle attack, post-defeat: "...batting away any weapons you might have had away from your reach..." gets quite long-winded. "...batting any weapons from your hands..." or "...batting any weapons out of your reach..." would suffice!

"...and swooping you once more..." is a bit awkward. "...and swooping down atop you..." might work better. Perhaps, "The dark creature manages to gain the upper hand, batting away your/any weapons and swooping down atop you, its claws raking your back..." would be the best way to word the sentence. There are still a lot of comma breaks, but I'm not sure how they could be further condensed without losing the original content.

"...having your bottom garments and panties somehow pulled away," doesn't need the 'somehow'; I think it speaks for itself. There is probably a more elegant word for 'bottom garments', too, though I can see why you would hesitate to specify when you have different characters wearing different articles. Maybe instead of 'bottom' you could use 'lower', as it gets across the same point but doesn't sound quite as weirdly specific?

"...you feel somewhat exposed..." might be an understatement. "Your lower garments and panties are ripped away and, feeling exposed, you struggle back as the creature resumes its screeching, its hard body pressing you down as it mounts you." might be a good way to resolve that sentence. I don't think that the continued references to clawing are needed, as the point is driven across with the first uses.

"...as each forceful thrust it takes into you feels like someone punched you in the stomach, complete with the sensation of breath leaving your lungs..." is also a touch awkward. "You gasp for breath; each forceful thrust feels like a winding punch in the stomach..." might be better.

"You try to crawl forward, in order to grasp some kind of weapon but..." has some comma misappropriation, I think. There are some other bits that could be polished up (har har) into something like, "You try to crawl forward, seeking to grasp a weapon, but you don't make much progress, as the gargoyle is unnaturally strong.


...I think that that's just about everything that I could spot for now. I haven't played through all of the girls, yet, though it seems like they speak little enough to warrant really combing through everything.

This is all nit-pickery, of course, feel free to take it with a grain of salt!

As an aside, it would be neat to have the option to skip the intro... perhaps that option is already there and I just haven't figure out how to access it?

For the gargoyle bit, I don't know if I just haven't been doing something properly, but since it seems that there are two in the room, it would be neat if the second time you failed against the creature, the text was different. It could be the same act, but having the character show some familiarity with what's about to happen with her (or even the predisposition to enjoy it?) would make the second scene more interesting, I think!

 

[Takimaru]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.02 - Updated 8/14/2011!

Have at it, if you want. Keep in mind that it's... well. Really not finished, LOL. And as it stands (0.02) it's just really dark.


For the next update, 0.03, which should be in a few weeks, I was working on something like this:
-Squash bugs and balance combat / equipment / leveling system better
-Finish the generic dungeon area / rape sequence (currently 50%)
-Finish the Bar area
-Make multiple choices possible (currently done, for what's written)
-See if I can't implement the first meeting with the two main males.
-Probably implement generic sounds...

Okay, sounding kinda ambitious of me, and this will be WAAAY down the road, but for the update after that one,
-Try to add interactions with the other female characters
-Romantic love scenes with main male character, if you so choose, and / or the previously mentioned netorare scenes

Another idea I had with the two male protagonists was that if you made the right choices and/or had the right attributes, you could actually seduce them both and have a consensual MMF threesome? I mean, guys get to do it in H-games, why not girls...

Since nonconsensual MMF is obviously going to happen here regardless given the premise. ^^;

EDIT: Grammar issues mostly fixed. Sorry about the writing, haha--I'm pretty sure I made that instinctual up or was actually thinking about instinctively. Anyhoo, my writing style can be a little redundant and vague at times, although for the latter I don't really mind so much when working with so many characters. I haven't even looked at the gargoyle scene yet, as well, since for each 'mistake' I make, I have to go back and fix it 8 times. It's pretty brutal, lol.

 

[wallpaper]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.02 - Updated 8/14/2011!

I like all of these options! Any MFF scenes potentially?

Also, I don't know if you saw it because I took my sweet time about it, but I edited my previous post with a spoiler containing some nit-pickery about writing... please do take it with a grain of salt, but I figured that since you're still in the early stages of the game, spotting and squishing grammar and spelling errors (or not-quite-errors-but-could-be-betters) might help. I really enjoy the writing thus far, so the above is critique on the good stuff you have already!

Do you want help with writing a particular chunk of a path? If you're looking for it, I would be willing to help write up side-scenes or those scenes that aren't holding your immediate interest, one chunk at a time... it might help you to move things forward and focus on integrating assets into more game goodness! Just toss me a PM with the specs, if you are interested.

eta tag team!
That does sound really brutal! D: Vague isn't so bad -- when each character reacts, that helps to personalize things a bit, at least! If you'd like some pre-game-insertion editing, I'm willing to help with that as well!

 

[Takimaru]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.02 - Updated 8/14/2011!

Potentially, yes. Even though this is just a real amateur mishmash RPGVX project of mine, and a GOR one at that (which are mostly alike, to be honest...), I would like to present a MMF as well as a MFF threesome from the female's point of view. I think MFF from female PoV is pretty neat, since it goes with... sharing and teamwork and all that, with a tinge of competition, and is pretty pleasurable for the guy as well.

No worries about the writing thing. I'm not a crybaby about criticism in the least, so any input is actually pretty helpful to some extent--my only 'wahh' moment would be when I have to edit the scene for 8 different characters, if it is mostly shared by all of them (as in, pretty much everything in 0.02 so far besides some of what they say).

I just wrote like 8 pages worth of scenes for each character's dungeon outcome, and I hope that my fatigue doesn't start to seem apparent when people start to read them. G_G
Provided that Purity levels were low enough, I put some slutty options for each character but not incredibly awful ones such as the girls referring to themselves as public use or whatever. At this point, due to the sheer volume of writing, I only put the violator's response to what was chosen (a la Grrl Power, albeit a bit more long-winded).

That sounds good; I'll probably PM you some ideas I had for scenes or something. I'd also like someone to proofread the aforementioned 'first-time-prison' scenes for each character if or when they have the time at some point, which I should be done with in a day or two.

 

[wallpaper]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.02 - Updated 8/14/2011!

*Volunteers!* Colour me curious but firmly prepared to squish grammar-bugs. Even if you are saying that this is a mish-mash, I like where you're going with this, and I think that if you come out the other end with a really solid project, you'll have something you can be really proud of, y'know?

 

[Sojourner]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.02 - Updated 8/14/2011!

I'm not sure how you have your Purity meter encoded, but in the RPG VX game TS Adventure, the main character has a "Masculinity/Femininity" trait, that swings in both directions. A late game item also allows you to move it in one direction or another to get different endings. You may want to look into that for some ideas. However, the game is in Japanese, so I don't know how easy the encoding/script would be to decipher.

 

[Takimaru]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.02 - Updated 8/14/2011!

Ah, thanks a lot! Well, my Purity meter is a plain ol' variable, which via RPGVX's tools can be adjusted in various ways, more than I even need, really.

At this rate, the absolute most time-consuming part of the whole deal is the writing and the setting-up of scenes in 3DCG, since I usually like to make the body poses relatively precise as opposed to 'arm goes here, leg goes here, there done'. Lol. I think a slightly more 'believable' pose can be sexier.

 

[Takimaru]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.03 - Updated 8/21/2011!

Sorry about the consecutive posts, just notifying for a recent update. Thanks!

 

[Roadkill007]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.03 - Updated 8/21/2011!

well i've only played through with emilia so far. Everyone's looking really nice except... that guy who pays to sex you up after the ninjas knock u unconcious.... he respawns? needa make that event over after the first time

 

[Takimaru]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.03 - Updated 8/21/2011!

Yeah, I actually uh... have a switch that's implemented after the 'first trip to the dungeon' event, and I realized I forgot to put it on the assassins. Fixed! I'll upload the new version after a few more bug squashes.

 

[Roadkill007]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.03 - Updated 8/21/2011!

Mmm it also happens with irine... or was that one intended?

 

[Takimaru]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.03 - Updated 8/21/2011!

As of 0.03 it happens with everyone. I've already fixed it for the next patch ~

 

[Sojourner]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.03 - Updated 8/21/2011!

I'm guessing you still have the Purity levels locked at this time. Which, given the "loop" of having a character's hymen getting broken again, is understandable.

What I am curious about is whether any of the "Syndicate girls" will be available for interaction by the heroines. While Irine would likely not partake of the female flesh (if that deviant-in-nun's-clothing still has her Purity locked), it would be nice if Cesca could.

Also, glad to see that Rhiannon and Thyme give us a glimpse of what can happen to the characters as their "willingness" to participate increases.

 

[Takimaru]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.03 - Updated 8/21/2011!

In my current version, a Purity score is actually visible via a mirror that says your exact score. It's either that or an NPC in the future that gives you an estimate by telling you how slutty you seem to be. And sure, Irine might be a closet nympho, but she hasn't actually done anything! Well, yet I guess, depending on the player.

And yes, you'll be able to do stuff with many Syndicate girls. I'm actually implementing a ' named' female NPC for storyline purposes as well, and two males, one of which is apparently one of the last honorable men among Syndicate thieves.

Yeah, since Rhiannon and Thyme start in the threshold of 70 & 60 Purity, respectively, it shows a girl who can do sexual acts with a stranger willingly, depending on context.

 

[SilentSilth]

Re: Despair Labyrinth (RPG Maker VX GOR game) - Version 0.03 - Updated 8/21/2011!

I love the Words Worth reference.

Does that count as constructive Criticism?