Re: Soldier's life
One thing in the prologue/introduction kind of bugged me. When Vanora says something about how they're 6 days away from breaking the record on that level. I feel like that line needs to be rewritten, since it just doesn't really make much sense.
What level? Are they playing a video game? And record? That just completely pulled me out of the story.
I get what you're going for, in that Vanora is more concerned with accomplishments than keeping her men alive, but again the line is just really strange. Why would there be a record for spending the longest amount of time in hostile territory?
An alternative suggestion: Vanora is trying to capture an enemy city in the SHORTEST amount of time, or capture an enemy city that has historically been considered unconquerable, and is pushing her unit to move too fast and too far in order to do so.
One thing in the prologue/introduction kind of bugged me. When Vanora says something about how they're 6 days away from breaking the record on that level. I feel like that line needs to be rewritten, since it just doesn't really make much sense.
What level? Are they playing a video game? And record? That just completely pulled me out of the story.
I get what you're going for, in that Vanora is more concerned with accomplishments than keeping her men alive, but again the line is just really strange. Why would there be a record for spending the longest amount of time in hostile territory?
An alternative suggestion: Vanora is trying to capture an enemy city in the SHORTEST amount of time, or capture an enemy city that has historically been considered unconquerable, and is pushing her unit to move too fast and too far in order to do so.