2nd scene with the pervert:
Line: "Although Saki wasn't weak at heart, she was, however, impressionable." That "however" and the commas, don't need to be there.
A few lines after that: "Both the mans hands slid into her underwear smoothly." Apostrophe in man's.
In the line right after that, another apostrophe for mans.
A few lines after that: "As her cum made a watery sound he shamelessly pushed his finger into..." there should be a comma between sound and he.
A few lines after, starting with "Her mind, which had snapped back to reality..." is missing a period at the end.
A couple lines after: "Something inside Saki that supported her, had suddenly broken" that comma doesn't need to be there.
line right after that. "With an absentminded look Saki, watched them fall to the floor". Comma should probably be moved to before Saki.
Couple lines after that. "Saki no longer had anything to hide..." The second sentence could probably be improved as "Her aching body, which had accepted the man's finger willingly now, was climbing toward new heights."
A line or two after that. "From that back of her body something swelled up", should have a comma between her and body.
A few lines after that, once the screen fades to black: "She was almost like begging the pervert". Probably could change to "She almost liked begging the pervert".
X_x I'll start working on the third scene now. I'll edit my findings in this post.