Ranger Princess
Tentacle God
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2010
- Messages
- 2,030
- Reputation score
- 343
Re: Hate Thread
I hate disappointing people. Growing up, scolding and yelling never worked on me. Yelling at me just makes me defiant, reclusive, and spiteful. Nagging just annoys me. But disappointment? That makes me feel awful and to try to make up for it double time. What's even worse than ...strategic disappointment is genuine disappointment. Not doing anything wrong but just saying something and then hearing the surprise and disappointment in someone's voice.
I had a long talk with my dad today, and that's what I got. He had been hoping I could come visit him this weekend for a while. He lives alone and we're probably the closest. I call like at least once a week to talk as much as I can. But I just can't go right now. I'm overwhelmed and stretched thin by my work. I'm behind and scraping to stay afloat and really stressed out. Now just isn't a good time for a 7 hour drive back and forth. He knows my career keeps me away too, and he's fine with that. Still, there was just something about hearing the disappointment and helplessness in his voice when I told him and knowing how long it would be until I'd be able to come see him again. It's like not doing anything wrong but disappointing someone by being yourself. And there's nothing I can do about it. Maybe it's like a realization that I'm not a little girl anymore, and I can't just come whenever I want. I don't know. Gosh, it sure felt awful.
I hate disappointing people. Growing up, scolding and yelling never worked on me. Yelling at me just makes me defiant, reclusive, and spiteful. Nagging just annoys me. But disappointment? That makes me feel awful and to try to make up for it double time. What's even worse than ...strategic disappointment is genuine disappointment. Not doing anything wrong but just saying something and then hearing the surprise and disappointment in someone's voice.
I had a long talk with my dad today, and that's what I got. He had been hoping I could come visit him this weekend for a while. He lives alone and we're probably the closest. I call like at least once a week to talk as much as I can. But I just can't go right now. I'm overwhelmed and stretched thin by my work. I'm behind and scraping to stay afloat and really stressed out. Now just isn't a good time for a 7 hour drive back and forth. He knows my career keeps me away too, and he's fine with that. Still, there was just something about hearing the disappointment and helplessness in his voice when I told him and knowing how long it would be until I'd be able to come see him again. It's like not doing anything wrong but disappointing someone by being yourself. And there's nothing I can do about it. Maybe it's like a realization that I'm not a little girl anymore, and I can't just come whenever I want. I don't know. Gosh, it sure felt awful.